what stage of grief is this?

(9 Posts)
monairethu Thu 03-Jan-13 21:46:48

I lost my mother a month ago and while her illness and death were obviously distressing I have had many many weeks of calm where I can't cry. This is out of character - I'm usually a crier. Is it normal to react like this to the death of a loved one? Will grief just hit me like a truck when I least expect it? I feel cut off from my emotions about it which feels very strange.

GRW Thu 03-Jan-13 22:29:52

I am very sorry for your loss. Grief is very individual and can effect you in unexpected ways. It is not unusual to feel numb for the first few weeks or months, and for the full extent of the painful feelings of loss to be felt a bit later on. You are obviously aware that it might just hit you at some point, and i hope that you have someone to support you when it does.

everlong Fri 04-Jan-13 11:34:35

I don't hold with the correct stages of grief.

I think everyone deals with death slightly different. Just go with your feelings and be kind to yourself.

I'm sorry about your mum.

MovingOnNow Fri 04-Jan-13 15:44:29

Hi my dad died a month ago too. I was numb to start, then tearful. Then after the funeral I suddenly lifted and over Xmas didn't feel very emotional at all, weirdly. When I am at home with my kids etc I am not really thinking about it at all. I feel it much more when I go to my parents house, just the strangeness of him not being there. It's just a really strange time.

MrsMcEnroe Fri 04-Jan-13 15:47:35

There is no "normal" when it comes to grieving - all you can do is be as kind to yourself as possible and don't be afraid to let youself feel numb/angry/sad/whatever you are feeling. It is OK to cry and it is OK not to cry.

I am very sorry about your mum. Have been in your shoes. PM me in due course if you're stuck with anything. x

ajandjjmum Fri 04-Jan-13 16:01:18

It's nearly 10 years after my Dad died. I have frequently shed tears, and even now will cry when I go to his grave or when I think of how proud he would be of his DGC. I adored my Dad, but I have never felt the overwhelming grief that some people suffer from. Maybe because he was ill for so long, and he made the decision that he'd fought for long enough, that I respected it and didn't want him to suffer any longer.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Tanyaaah Sat 05-Jan-13 19:44:33

I feel like this today. Very strange. It's been 4 days since my loss.

ajandjjmum Sat 05-Jan-13 21:22:28

Still very early - take care of yourself.

monairethu Tue 08-Jan-13 10:07:08

Thanks for all your kind messages. As you all point out how you deal with grief is very individual. I guess I'm just surprised that I'm dealing with it this way. I almost wish I could have a huge cry about it all. Thinking of you all in your loss. xxx

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