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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

my baby does nothing but cry ALL DAY!

54 replies

colnelcustard · 19/10/2008 18:02

My 15 month old seems to do nothing but cry all day.

She doesn't sleep at night because she spends most of the night waking and screaming.

I don't know what to do. There is nothing medically wrong with her but its driving our family to the edge.

Can someone please help. I'm at the end of my tether with her.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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LornaESMurray · 19/10/2008 18:06

Does she eat well? IS she very attached to you?

Original poster

colnelcustard · 19/10/2008 18:08

She does not eat very well. She was also reflux baby.

But everythign seems to annoy her. Eating annoys her and she screams, getting dressed annoys her even shutting a door annoys.

I would not say she has a great appetite. She does not eat huge amounts but I try to give her little and often.

OP posts:

Original poster

colnelcustard · 19/10/2008 18:09

I would not say she is particularly attached to me. She does like to be picked up more than the other two but if we are out she will toddle off but wander back to me to check I'm still there.

OP posts:

kittywise · 19/10/2008 18:10

I'm so sorry for you I really am. My 18 month old is like that, he was like it from birth, he is also still boob obsessed and it really does take you to the edge.Our family is also suffering horribly

The only thing that seems to be making any little bit of a difference is changing the way I behave towards him when he cries. This is what what I am trying to do.

Only let him feed from me three times a day. If he cries I give him cuddles if I feel it is appropriate, ie he's not just having a general moan up.

I distract like mad.

I ignore general whinging/crying.

At night i put ear plugs in and don't go to him.

He sleeps through now, it only took 1 night.

Some kids are plain bad tempered and need to learn to change their way of reacting to things. At 15 months she is old enough to start learning how to cry to get what she wants. if you give in, even after she has cried for say 15 mins then she will KNOW that all she has to do is cry for long enough and you will give in.

It is very hard but you have to stick to your guns.

Good luck

Original poster

colnelcustard · 19/10/2008 18:14

I have been to the doctor and asked for sedatives for her non sleeping. I have been referred to a paediatrican and they sent her for an ECG which I knew would be clear but they wanted to check that she was not fitting.

They have advised me to keep her up until 10pm! In the hope that she sleeps through.

I work every evening from 5-8pm so the thought of having to come home and deal with her again feels me with dread. So I have ignored this advice. She shares a bedroom with her brother.

I just don't know what else to do. Obviously the lack of sleep is making her miserable and I give her watered down milk in the night which probably stops her being hungry. but I am just at the end of my tether.

My partner and I have argued this weekend and I accused him of not loving her as much as dd1 because she is so difficult.

I'm sorry to rant but its breaking our family up. I know it sounds a pathetic but its really damaging our relationship.

OP posts:

chunkychips · 19/10/2008 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ginseng · 19/10/2008 18:32

HI, I had this until about a month ago, so not as long as you, but it is so hard, have you tried a cranial osteopath? it really helped with both of my two. I also think that they get into a habit and she probably can't get herself out of it and so when she wakes she can't settle and because she is so tired it just makes it worse, it is so hard, i tried taking my DD in with me for a few nights and then when she settled i put her back in her cot, it seemed to help and now she has got to where she wakes once, which is fine by me compared to what she was. it is worth trying a cranial osteopath, i noticed the difference after 3 appointments.

PeaMcLean · 19/10/2008 18:33

Hi, this might not be helpful as you say you've talked to doctors about it already. My only question would be potential milk allergy / intolerance cos it turned out that was what was wrong with DS.

Not surprised you're at the end of your tether. It's very stressful listening to a child cry constantly.

Original poster

colnelcustard · 19/10/2008 18:38

my birth was very straight forward. She was born less than 45 minutes of getting to the hospital.

I have taken her to a cranial osteopath before for the reflux and it did not help and I am not really in a financial situation to do that again.

I hve tried to put her in with me. But then she thinks that its time to play and won't settle.

She has been crying now for forty five mins in her cot with no signs of stopping.

OP posts:

CarGirl · 19/10/2008 18:40

Could she still have acid "silent" reflux my dd was like that and it took a long time for the acid reflux to stop hurting her. A very quick birth is also known for causing them lots of discomfort. CO doesn't work that well on reflux IME but it could work well now if it is something else causing her discomfort.

LunaFairy · 19/10/2008 19:10

I think kittyWise has given some good advice.

Is your ds drinking milk in the daytime? If she is drinking a fair amount, maybe cut it down to a small cup a day and then she may start getting an appetite.

Also, might be worth not giving her the milky drink when she wakes in the night. She probably knows when she wakes that there will be nice warm milk for her.

I had a bad patch with my ds going down to sleep at around 11 months old. We had to let him cry it out for a few nights. Heart breaking but it worked wonders.

I'm sure she'll settle very soon. Now she is getting a bit older it won't be long until she is out of this phase.

Stay strong and don't give in.

kittywise · 19/10/2008 19:12

She will carry on crying because her experience up until now is that you will go to her.

This time don't go.

kittywise · 19/10/2008 19:14

That might sound harsh but as you said it is ripping the family apart. it is not fair on the other children to have their mother so distracted, tired and unable to give them the time they deserve. I know this because that is what i am fighting my way out of now.

You have to take drastic measures the time for action has come because of the rest of your family.

CarGirl · 19/10/2008 19:18

My dd3 (the one with undiagnosed silent reflux until 6 months) really did nearly break me, I went back to work to get away from her. It was horrendous. Fortunately by this age my one had improved alot but of course this was because her acid reflux was being treated and had improved.

I do think kittywise has given you some good advice but I can appreciate how hard it would be to see it through. Short term pain, long term gain?

Can you get your dh on side to see it through to the end, could he take a week of work just to help you have a break from it whilst you all change your reaction to her crying.

Twelvelegs · 19/10/2008 19:18

What about acid reflux, this would mean permanent heartburn and worse at night.

Original poster

colnelcustard · 19/10/2008 19:20

she has eventually cried herself to sleep now.

she will wake once at about ten and then frequently from ten onwards. last night she was up about six or seven times although she did have her MMR a couple of days ago so gave her some calpol.

it's just so difficult to leave her to cry only because i have two others to deal with my partner has to go to work in the morning and i then work in the evening.

its kind of anything for a quick fix. i know i am creating a rod for my own back though.

she has not slept through not even one night. i dread going to bed because i know that i will have disturbed sleep.

i feel like my partner resents her because she is so whingy. i don't think that he 'enjoys her' the way he has dd.

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meandmyjoe · 19/10/2008 19:22

It doesn't sound pathetic at all. Our ds is the same. Has been since birth, cried loads, won't sit still in high chair, whinges/ screams to get out. Hates pushchair too, just wants to walk or be carried everywhere. He cries a lot too although is fairly good at entertaining himself and a lot happier than he once was.

He still cries for no reason though. Had him checked for reflux and all sorts, even had him on medication for reflux just in case, took him for cranial osteopathy at 7 months but nothing worked. He is just very demanding and also cries if I shut a door he wants to go through or a cupboard door he wants to play in.

Have the same thing with him not settling in our bed too, he just wants to walk about and play and cries when I lay him down to cuddle him. Thankfully he only comes in with me if he can't sleep when he's ill, normally he does sleep very well at night but day time can sometimes be a struggle.

I'm not sure that I have any advice other than when they can communicate better I hope the crying will subsode. It's very difficult though.

How is she when you are out and about? Does she go in the pushchair? Perhaps she gets very bored at home and needs A LOT of stimulation. My ds seems to get bored but also gets fed up in the pushchair and car seat. He is better than he was but still very different to other babies. i try and embrace in individuality but it aint easy!

CarGirl · 19/10/2008 19:23

Have you tried putting her back on reflux medicine? It could be worth it just to see if it makes a difference?

Original poster

colnelcustard · 19/10/2008 19:24

she does not mind the pushchair as long as she is being pushed about.

we made the mistake of driving to Europe for our holiday which I thought would end our relationship as she got well pissed by sitting in her car seat and then the evenings were even more horrendous.

i wondered about signing whether this would help her communicate what she wants. but don't know if its something you have to start earlier.

i need mr tumble to help me really

OP posts:

meandmyjoe · 19/10/2008 19:25

Sorry forgot to say ds is 14 months old and we are having a very hard time with arguing and just feel our lives are very different from most parents with babies of this age

Twelvelegs · 19/10/2008 19:26

What about a big girls bed? My dd started to sleep much better once in there and that was at 18 mths!!

kittywise · 19/10/2008 19:26

My dp feels the same about ds3. I have been moved to act as I say because the other children and dp were really suffering.

I just kept hoping ds3 would stop being such a miserable child.
It just wasn't happening.
It won't take long for her to get the message.You'll have a few nights agro and then it will be over. You can sleep, the other children can sleep and you can start rebuilding all your relationships and pull the family back together.

Once she starts to sleep through she will be better tempered.

You know it makes sense right?

LunaFairy · 19/10/2008 19:27

You need to rule out any health issues first. I would speak with your GP or Health Visitor.

If there isn't anything to worry about then its down to what she is used to-getting her own way. Some children are like this and it's a power struggle.

If you put her down for her sleep before your other children and let her cry it out for as long as it takes, it won't disturb the others and she'll soon realise that her crying won't amount to anything.

I don't mean to sound harsh. I think this is all the last resort and you need to get her checked out beforehand.

Original poster

colnelcustard · 19/10/2008 19:27

I have tried controlled crying and it didn't work. I tried for three weeks.

Are you saying I should just leave her to cry kittywise?

OP posts:

Original poster

colnelcustard · 19/10/2008 19:28

Can I just say usually getting her to bed isn't the problem its the frequent night waking and screaming bloody murder that is the problem. then obviously that puts her in a foul mood all day.

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