PREM BABY

[kazza3]

I am a mum of prem baby who is 1 months but corrected age is 9 months. Last week she rolled over for the first time which I feel is very late compared to my other two age 13 and 12. I know that we shouldn't compare but I feel that this is very late. Also she has no desire to crawl although she does sit up beautifully is there anyone else with prem baby in the same position as me ??

[beachyhead]

I assume your typo means 11 months, but corrected age 9 months?

My prem (31 weeks) could only sit up at 12 months, no crawling or movement at all. She could probably roll by then, but only just.....

She walked at 16 months (14 adjusted) which was considered quite good.

I know it is easy to say not to worry, but my HV just kept telling me not to compare her to anything.

[RTKangaMummy]

sorry don't understand your ages

DS was born @ 27 weeks 3 months early

So when he was 6 months actual he was 3 months corrected

[RTKangaMummy]

Basically DS just had his own individual time scale and did stuff when he wanted to

Our HV knew nothing about Prem babies

[crunchie]

My dd who is now nearly six didn't walk until she was 22 months (she was 3 months prem) and didn't really talk until that age either. She is still small for her age but has a reading age of 7.5 and spends hours doing 'ballet' and dancing. Please don't worry at all. I know of kids who were later than mine even and are caught up by about 3

[Tinker]

Can I just butt in a bit? Know someone who has just had a baby at 25/26 weeks. Has problems, being monitored in hospital but think these are expected and "normal"? Of those of you who had prem babys has everything turned out ok? Think reassurance is needed for the family of this baby. Thanks.

[kazza3]

Sorry meant 11 months but thanks for your responses have reassured me

[crunchie]

Tinker every baby is different and it is impossible to say long term what the prognosis is I am not a Dr. My dd was bon at 27 weeks and I think still holds the MN record as the smallest baby (!) 1lb 12 oz or 790g (I think) Anyway she was slow to start with, in hospital for 14 weeks and came home at just 4lb 3oz. She grew very slowly and like I said is still small for her age - about size of average 4.5yr old and she is nearly 6. Nowadays I don't even stop and think about her start in life, she certainly doesn't need any concessions to her premaurity.

But she has done brilliantly for a 27 weeker and I know that being born in a great hospital, having good dr's have given her a better chance. I know other 27 weekers who have not done quite so well.

It can work out brilliantly and most prem babies do absoluely fine in teh long run, but it can be a long run (IYKWIM)

[Tinker]

Thanks Crunchie. Think the family need to hear good news atm. And I'm pleased all's turned out well for you. At 27 weeks now, couldn't imagine how frightened I would be if I now went into labour .

[RTKangaMummy]

It is a rollercoaster of a ride

My only bit of advice really is not to ask how long they will be in hospital

We were told "how long is a piece of string"

There are lots of highs and lows.

[Mollydolly]

Just like to reinforce what crunchie says - my dd was born at 29 wks weighing 2lb 12oz, will be 4 in March and is "dainty" but apart from that no problems. She reached the usual milestones later and didn't walk until 19/20 months. Had a one to one with her pre school teacher last friday at open day who told me she is doing everything she should at this stage (and a few things she probably shouldn't!!). I went through the exact same feelings as you are kazza but i really didn't need to - try not to worry and enjoy her whilst she's little!

[blotto]

Tinker, just try and be supportive without being too upbeat or down beat IYSWIM. Twins were born at 28 weeks weighing 2.5 lbs and whilst they were in SCBU the whole world was split into people who were full of doom and gloom and others being really false and telling us they were SURE it would be fine. It was all equally annoying frankly because as everyone else has said, you just dont know what will happen, and it is really important to bear in mind that often things will go really well and then there will be sudden setbacks. They were in SCBU for 8 weeks and it was the worst time of my life ever. Unless you have experienced what it is like it is really hard to understand the horror of waiting for the phone to ring while you are at home or just sitting watching this little scrap breathing all day long. I even used to hear imaginary alarms when I wasnt in the hospital!

Now 9 mths and still very small and not doing much physically but sharp as anything mentally, so who knows? I spend every day worrying about what they are or are not doing and I fear that will never leave me, or at least not for a long time.

[nightowl]

right about alarms...i would hear them in my sleep. my prem ds (33 weeks, in SCBU for another 3 weeks, ventilated for a few days) was late walking i beleive, (18 months) but early with his speech. at 18 months he could hold a full conversation. he also gained weight really well. my dd was overdue but still only 5lb 5, she has gained weight slowly, is much smaller than ds was at 13 months (as she is now) and although she's much more active...perhaps still late...i dont know, walks around furniture and is close to letting go of it. she cant talk, says mamma occasionally but thats about it. i think they are just all different. for one prem and one overdue, i can say that they were both forward and both late in opposite things, if that makes any sense.

[crunchie]

Sorry Tinker if I cannot give only good news. I wish I could but it would be so false. The Dr's seem as useless as a chocolate teapot at times and spend their whole time sat on a fence. ie they won't tell you if they think your baby will live or not (!) or how long you might be there. All they say is that the baby is doing OK for now/today. I know that may not be what you want to hear, but worse is that everything will be just fine and then it not Having a prem baby is scarey at times, personally I totally switched off emotionally for 7 weeks and hardly cried at all. Looking back I was in limbo, living out of a suitcase in a hostel for parent with kids in the hospital. We then came home, which was worse in some ways. DD was moved to a local hospital and I went in once or twice a day. I felt so bad as I just couldn't hang off her cot for hours on end. This was me howver and I know others feel different. All I can say is just be there for your friend if she wants to talk, and be there for her if she doesn't. Don't try to get as much info as you can from teh internet of various positives/negatives of prem babies as at this point anything could happen. I found the information overload wasn't helpful as it wasn't personal for my baby. Sure I asked questions at the hospital and became and expert at reading machines, medical records etc, but only for my DD I'm afriad I didn't care less how any other baby was doing. Sounds harsh, but you become completely ingrossed in your baby.

Like I said long term once your prem is home and getting on the memories fade and you start being a real mum to that baby. I know I didn't 'forget' her start in life until I had No2

[RTKangaMummy]

Also please she should not try to compare to other babies as they are all individuals

Crunchie is right the Drs will never say exactly what and when stuff will happen for your baby because they can't

They go up and down minute by minute, hour by hour.

Just let her talk when she wants to

It will be a long road.

Is baby ventilated or on CPAP?

BTW DS is nearly 10 years now and is on 75th Percentile for height and weight so they don't all stay small

[nightowl]

crunchie..notice you said you felt so bad because you "couldnt hang off her cot for hours on end". that was me too. i went to visit ds as often as i could (physically and emotionally). at first it was a 1 1/2 hour drive until they transferred him back here. i would see parents who appeared to have been there all day and didnt move. for me that was just too frightening. we all have different ways of dealing with these things..for me, watching those machines beep all day was the worst thing i could have done. i couldnt stand the hospital, the smell..nothing seemed real. like my baby wasnt mine..there didnt seem any sense of reality within those walls.

tinker, it is hard knowing what to say to people with a prem baby. many people said to me that they didnt know whether to congratulate me on the birth with flowers etc, or whether that would offend me given that he was in SCBU and not actually with me. i would say theres no right or wrong as long as you have support and people can understand. offers of practical help were also very much appreciated. people who would perhaps sit with me at the hospital while dp was at work or maybe a lift but of course that depends on how close you are to the family. all you can do really is to be there. i will always remember the hospital ds was in at first had a board in the SCBU reception area showing the babies they had cared for and how they turned out, with notes from the parents..it was inspiring and a lovely thing to look at.

[AussieSim]

My DS was 5 weeks early and was delayed in all milestones. He is now 2 and is still a little behind in his physical abilities but is well ahead of many with verbal and intellectual. He didn't crawl till 12mths and didn't walk till 16mths.

[RTKangaMummy]

on THIS MORNING ITV1

Today

10.30 am

A section about PREM BABIES

[jbadgirl]

My ds was born at 36 weeks, he is now 16 weeks, he was doing ok but we have had a few probs with development, we take each day as it comes and even though i am longong for his first smile a know it will be well worth the wait!

keep your chins up x

[jbadgirl]

sorry i meant longing!

[jbadgirl]

I really should read my post before i click!!!

Soz again for the awful spellings!!!

Have ds in one arm!!!

[Jodiesmum]

Tinker you might want to contact Bliss, the Prem baby charity as they've got loads of really good info and support - including a phone line where you can talk to parents who've had a prem baby in the past. I found them really helpful when DD2 was in hospital, sad to say a lot more helpful than friends or family for the most part, as most people either came out with encouraging platitudes or avoided the subject completely. That 8 weeks was by the far the worst time in my whole life and I would imagine that's the case for most parents with babies in intensive care. As others have said, going home can also be really difficult too and it's really worth remembering this if there's any support you can offer your friend at that time. I found it very hard everyone assuming I'd be so happy when I was actually terrified and exhausted.

[elliemae]

hi,

my dd was born at 24 wks (4Mnths) early!! one of a twin(only with us for 2 days god bless her)
dd weighed only 1.2 pounds.was in scbu 5 mnths ,3mnths of them were an hrs drive away (can totally understand everyones experience)as dd had around 20 blood transfusions lots of various problems,was ventilated for 54 days then on cpap until came home ,then was on oxygen for a year at home!! she has a dev delay and only just walking(26mnths)but is catching up,is now 2 yrs 2mnths(22mnths corrected)old.if my dd can turn out ok anyones can .don`t worry time is a great healer.wish this support was here when my dd was touch and go in scbu.great webite by the way ,good luck everyone.

[Tinker]

Thank you all so much for the posts on this thread. Sadly, teh baby died this weekend.

[suedonim]

Oh, Tinker. What an awful night on Mumsnet.

[bundle]

oh tinker, how sad, x