Help! DD1 (4yrs) with possible phantom tummy aches.....what do I do?

[BigBadMouse]

Not sure whether to post this here or in health so hoping I get some responses here as I'm not sure what to do about DD1.

DD1 is 4.2 and for the past few weeks has been complaining about having a tummyache nearly every time she eats a meal. I don't know if it is psychological or if something is really wrong. She has no other physical symptoms of being ill and is fine when eating snacks etc.

She complains more during her (main) evening meal, seems really down, won't eat etc but 5 minutes prior to eating she has been running around and being perfectly normal. Last night she did this and complained about her tummy ache until bedtime but woke up this morning perfectly happy and ready for breakfast as usual.

Don't really see what the doctor can do as she doesn't have any other symptoms and the pain seems to go away on its own.

I'm wondering if it is psychological but really not sure. She is very sensitive at times, we have a new baby in the house so she is now the oldest of three and she is very aware of the big change that is going to happen in September when she goes to 'Big School'. Her personality has changed a lot of late - she used to be very happy, cheery and helpful at all times now she constantly whinges, is naughty on purpose, answers back and rarely does as she is told. She also has a tendancy to communicate in grunts a la 'kevin the teenager' having been very communicative from an early age. Is this normal or am I doing something wrong? I try to give her as much attention as possible but with the new baby and DD2 having problems as well it isn't possible for me to give her as much as I would like to.

MN verdict very much appreciated as I'm getting quite worried about her, especially the tummy aches .

[edam]

I have no idea if her tummy ache is physical or put on or psychosomatic but even if the latter it will be real to her. I would take her to the doctor to rule out a physical cause (and the doc may well have ideas about other possibilities as well). If she's putting it on, a visit to the doc might discourage her.

Whatever is going on, it does sound as if she needs a bit of attention, bless her. Do you have a partner who could take the baby for a bit while you spend some time with her - and vice versa?

[BigBadMouse]

a visit to the docs will probably positively encourage her - she loves it there .

DH works long hours so it is all pretty much up to me.

Anyone else got any advice? Feeling like a very crappy mummy and don't want to let my DCs down.

[edam]

Can dh get involved when he's home, though? Presumably he's around at weekends or something.

Maybe phone the docs for advice and explain that you wanted to brief them before bringing her in as she enjoys their company so much!

[GooseyLoosey]

DD does this too - exactly the same thing and I have always regarded it as a request for attention (hope I'm not missing something). When she does it at a meal time, I ask her if it really does hurt and explain its important for mummy to know the truth and its OK if all she really needs is a hug as that's just as important as a sore tummy. This works sometimes. Othertimes I give her a hug and express sympathy and then say she should get down from the table as desert might further upset her tummy - she often then makes a miraculous recovery.

However, despite the fact that I have not done it, I am wondering if we should also take her to the doctors to rule out a physical cause.

[desperatehousewifetoo]

Could you give her a drink or vitamin tablet before she eats and tell her it is medicine to make her tummy feel better? Maybe the placebo effect might work. Tell her it is only for her, no-one else.

It does sound as though it could be a reaction to the baby, as you say. Could she go to bed 10 mins later than your dd2 for a special story time? Or have couple of hours together at the weekend if your dh around?

I found it hard juggling the demands of two dcs, so can only imagine what it is like with 3! Just remember, it will get better.

[BigBadMouse]

thanks for all the replies. It's really helpful to have some other opinions on these things.

Edam tbh, sometimes DH is a little reluctant to get too invovled - he's great when the DCs are being good or just a little naughty but when they play up (and at their age they are going to play up a fair bit) it all ends up in tears and shouting . This is probably because he never gets enough time with them alone to learn to deal with them. It's hard to explain. We get sundays together. I'll have to sort something out for the DCs sake. I think I will take her to the docs just to be sure, if anything it will be therapy for me as our DOc has 3 DCs himself and is very sympathetic .

goosey sorry to hear you have the same thing with your DD. It is hard to know what to do for the best isn't it? DD1 always seems to manage to fight the pain to eat her pudding too which is why I am suspicious (although she often leaves her favourite main course) - thing is her tummyaches are nearly always at mealtimes .

desparatehousewife We have actually already done the placebo thing with some multi-vits (and they are only for her). DDs room share so bedtime is at the same time and they seem to like it that way- I'm going to have to sit down and think about exactly when I am going to be able to fit in some DD1 only time. DD2 is incredibly demanding (not her fault) and also likes to be involved in everything that is going on. 3 is great btw, I love it...but then my sanity went years ago!

Any more ideas greatly appreiciated

[desperatehousewifetoo]

My sil has 3 dcs, she alternates spending time with them each weekend. They both work fulltime and kids older now (15yrs and 11yrs - twins) but it seems to work well. so basically they spend a saturday morning with her every 3rd week. Of course, they also do family stuff with all five of them. Could you have 'mummy time' every other weekend or would that not be enough?

There's also all the praising- which I'm sure you do too.

[Scarletibis]

Hi

My DD1 had the same thing last summer for a month or so before starting school. Ie feeling sick during meals having been fine before. It cleared up pretty much as soon as she started school .

She still sometimes complains of feeling sick when in fact she'd excited/nervous about something such as a party but now at least I know what it is. I think at that age it is hard for them to tell the difference between a stomach ache and feeling excited.

HTH

[edam]

Aha, well, I think you need to engineer things so dh spends a LOT more time with the kids - he needs more experience. One of you takes one kid so each of you can devote time to them on their own.

[BigBadMouse]

Arghhhhhh....well feeling a bit guilty here now as poor DD1 was sick yesterday afternoon and again at 5am this morning. Now I have to try and work out what could give her tummy pains as described for two weeks then suddenly make her sick - she is very rarely sick so something must be up . Any ideas anyone??

Anyway managed to get DH to take the morning off work to look after DD1 and DD2 (who has croup) while I take DS to hospital to have his kidneys checked out...what a healthy bunch we all are right now! On the upside he is spending quality time with the DDs...