ds is 19 months and sometimes is really horrible to DH - this is just a phase, right?!

[fairylights]

my ds is quite a sensitive little soul but is mostly a happy and friendly little chappy but in the past few weeks he has been really aggressive towards my dh (his dad!) - hitting him and kicking him and sometimes just not wanting to go near him. He is being extremely clingy to me which is tiresome but i am sure it is just a phase.
My dh is wonderful with him, the best kind of dad (IMO) and very patient indeed but being a sensitive soul himself he is feeling very sad about ds's behaviour towards him.
Not sure what the best approach is - at the moment we are ignoring the horrible behaviour and i am being extra affectionate to dh to model being nice (!) and saying that daddy is sad when he gets hit etc..
is this just a phase or should we be doing more? thanks!

[GustWriter]

I don't know for sure but certainly aggression comes out at different times for little boys. Its largely to do with testosterone levels as much as developmental phases.

I think any aggression should be handled in a way that makes it clear that its not acceptable behaviour, but not reinforcing it.

So for instance, if suddenly your DS hits or bites or kicks your DH you stop whatever it is you are doing, say "no, we do not hit/ bite/ kick people" and remove him from the game / book and get on with something else in the house.

I'm not sure that overdoing it with the affection towards DH is the right thing - it could appear to be baiting your DS and rousing jealously, which may be the cause of some of the behaviour.

My DS (21 months) sometimes shows jealously towards one parent over another but it swings in roundabouts, not ever just the one parent if that makes sense.

But I do think you need to address the aggression head on, not ignore it. If you ignore it he'll think its ok and do it to other children, potentially.

[fairylights]

thanks gust, actually i didn't explain what we do very well - we do tell him empahtically that its wrong to hit etc but don't "punish" him in any way as we are not sure he will understand (??) but you are probably right about the affection thing - i guess little boys are likely to be jealous of their mother's affections..

[desperatehousewifetoo]

I agree with gustwriter, definitely address the hitting/kicking. A simple 'no kicking' will suffice either from you or your dh. I find sometimes that my two (6yr and 3yrs) often respond to me disciplining better than my dh which I think is because I did more telling off when they were younger!

My dd(3yr) is only now choosing to spend time with my dh rather than me and I think it is because he now takes her out on her own with just her and him. She used to refuse to even be held by him or sit on his lap to look at a book. I think dh was upset by that too.