My 6 Yr Old Son has trouble keeping friends cause he's spiteful

[IAmAMommy]

I love my son dearly but it both breaks my heart, and makes me furious when he is spiteful to other children. He is a very loving child and can be the most delightful, pleasant and well mannered child ever. But around other children he turns into a spiteful child who smacks, punches and kicks other children. I have tried to encourage nice playing but it doesn't seem to work. He doesn't seem to have any proper friends and the ones he does have all smack, kick and punch like he does which doesn't help us (me & dad) to encourage nice playing. I want to teach him to play nicely but am failing miserably. Any advice welcome

[edam]

I've seen a book called The Unwritten Rules of Friendship recommended on here a lot. Worth a try?

I really feel for you, this must be very painful.

[IAmAMommy]

Will look up the book thanks.

It is really painful and I constantly feel that it must be down to my parenting. All other children seem to play so nicely. I know all children can be little devils but I just wondered if there was any advice that you moms out there could give.

[savoycabbage]

Do you have any idea what sets off the naughtiness when he is with others? Eg not wanting to share. Also do you know if he is like this at school?

[pagwatch]

yes - what feedback from school?
Also what does he say ?

[IAmAMommy]

His headmaster says that he isn't a naughty child, he just reacts. And yes he is like it at school. He went to a party yesterday and an 8 yr old girl said that she helps him when he is getting beat up by other children at school. I asked her whether this happens all the time and she said yes. Apparently she said that they just come up to him and start fighting with him. It breaks my heart. I know that initially he brought it on himself but I want to put a stop to it. His legs are covered in bruises and this probably explains why. I'm going to see the headmaster tomorrow to see if he can help/shed any light on the subject. I'm at my wits end, this whole situation seems to be escalating.

[avenanap]

I recommend that book. Alot. It's very good, I used to have a child that came across as annoying and bossy. Now he has loads of friends and is a happy child.

The problems your little one is having is probably a result of something he's doing to wind them up. Kids can only put up with a certain amount of annoying behaviour before they snap, turn around and react. Your ds will probably have no idea what has happened to make them hit him, he will see it as if he is the innocent party. This is ok. He's having problems seeing how his behaviour affects other people. I used to tell my ds stories of a 'kid I went to school with', who used to annoy the other children so much that they would hurt him. Then I would discuss the type of behaviour that can annoy others, as well as the signs that someone gives out when they are getting angry.

Some children need help writing, others with maths, others need help with social situations, there's nothing wrong with this. It can be easy for some children, others need guidance. Try the book, it did help my ds.

[IAmAMommy]

Will definitely buy the book, thanks. I like the idea of telling the stories about a 'kid at school' will give it a go today. And you're definitely right, he has no idea that he is rubbing the kids up the wrong way. Let's hope the headteacher takes this seriously.