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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

How to tell a 3yo DS that her rabbit is dead?

16 replies

IslaAndMomma · 15/06/2008 07:20

Hiya. i havent posted on here for a while. Not sure if this is the right area but couldnt find one that I thought was appropriate...

We got home from work on friday to find that "something" had got into our garden and attacked our rabbit. There wasnt much to find and we dont know if it was a cat, fox, bird of prey.

We've had him for just over a year and DS is very fond of him. Really dont know what is best to tell her?

She is very bright and I'm concerned that if we make something up it will cause more upset. Obviously not entertaining telling the complete truth but thought we should explain that he has died. If we say he ran away I know she will get upset that he left her - and she will want to look for him, call him, etc.

Would really appreciate some advice please. Have put off so far by keeping her busy and going out so she doesnt have time to think about going into back garden to play with him.

OP posts:

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IslaAndMomma · 15/06/2008 07:23

oops been away so long i put DS not DD

OP posts:

branflake81 · 15/06/2008 07:42

I would tell her the truth, tbh. I don't think there is any point lying.

She will probably be upset but then life has upsetting things in it and I think, harsh as it sounds, children should not necessarily be shielded from them.

it will be easier than saying the rabbit died of natural causes (why would that happen? will I just die??) and saying it ran off is a bit mean.

IslaAndMomma · 15/06/2008 07:58

I also meant to add that my gran passed away on Friday too (was a pretty bad Friday 13th).

She had been ill for some time and i took DD with me when we went to see her (at the time, she was mobile and we sat in the "day room" colouring together). So, whatever I tell her, I need to make sure I dont confuse her.

We dont live near family and the funeral wont be for another week or so (my uncle needs to get home as he lives abroad).

The rabbit will be missed any moment and so I need to get it right in my head what we say.

I am a bit worried that the two deaths close together will make her scared about the whole thing tho...

Do you think I should say the rabbit got sick and died or we found him dead? Also, there is nothing for us to bury and she cant see him to say goodbye

OP posts:

geordieminx · 15/06/2008 08:24

Can you go and get another one the same?

I know its a cop out and in normal circumstances I would fully reccomend telling the truth but with your Gran passing away I agree it might be a bit much?

YeahBut · 15/06/2008 08:31

Well, you could just explain that although people live for a very long time (like your Gran), pets like rabbits live for a very short time. It was the rabbit's time to die, it was very peaceful and you have already buried him in the garden. Just make up a spot in the garden and let her say goodbye rabbit with some flowers etc. if she wants. And offer to let her choose a new rabbit at the pet shop if she wants one.

IslaAndMomma · 15/06/2008 08:47

Thanks...

I did consider 'replacing' him.. but, even though he was only a year old he was pretty chunky!! He was her little shadow when she went out to play so I think she would notice the difference in behaviour. Also, he had quite distinctive marking too so I doubt we could find one that would fool her - DD is very quick!

We didnt see my gran very regularly as she lived quite a long way away. I think in 3 years DD has seen her about 4 times. It sounds horrible, but for DD, she probably wont be as upset about great gran as she will about Ollie. And as she knew gran was ill, that will probably be an easier conversation.

I think if we're just honest with her about it all, she will be fine. She has a little understanding about "dead" but i dont think she understands its forever.

OP posts:

geordieminx · 15/06/2008 09:07

how about the rabbit has gone to heaven to keep great gran company?

EustaciaVye · 15/06/2008 09:34

Body stopped working so he casnt stay around but he will go to a place called rabbit heaven which is very nicer place.

Worked wheb=n dd was 2 and our cat died.

EustaciaVye · 15/06/2008 09:35

dd2 just helped which is why spelling so bad

Twinkie1 · 15/06/2008 09:37

Oh god I just lie to my kids and say they ran away - don't want them to have to think about death at such an early age!

We currently have a hamster and 2 rabbits roaming the countryside that were once much (tollerated on by behalf) loved on the kid's behalves family pets.

cupsoftea · 15/06/2008 09:39

Explain in accordance with your beliefs - being straightforward helps in answering kids questions

ellierob · 15/06/2008 12:57

I agree with Yeahbut.....just explain gently, but essentially truthfully, allow her to grieve a little, and see if she would like another rabbit. I remember being sad when my pets died as a chid, but then that being kind of overidden by the excitement of a new one! You may find that she takes it better than you expect.

Bronze · 15/06/2008 12:58

Just tell her straight out. Kids do cope with things like that much better than adults do.

ElenorRigby · 15/06/2008 13:08

My dog died last year, my DP's DD adored him. We decided not to tell her about it unless she asked about him. She didnt ask about him for a few weeks, then me and DP's DD were out shopping when she spotted a dog like mine. Gently I told her that he got sick, he was very old and that he died and went to heaven. She still gets upset sometimes and says she misses him. I just say "yes I miss very much too darling"

solo · 15/06/2008 13:16

I had a budgie at her age which died...but to me, it just changed colour! Mum and Dad replaced him with another, but they couldn't get the same colour. Years later when I was 11, my Grandad died and the day after so did the budgie. I took comfort in the thought that they were together. I appreciate though, that your Dd is much younger. Hope it works out ok for you all...and sorry about your Gran. x

RustyBear · 15/06/2008 13:18

When DS started infant school one of the first things he was told by the older kids was that there was an escaped hamster living under the floor.

When I asked the teacher she said a class hamster had escaped & been killed by a neighbour's cat. The teacher had wanted to spare the children the gory details, so she just said it had escaped. Thing is, this had happened about 5 years ago, but Hammy had passed into legend - DS is now at university but I suspect the story of the Great Escape is still being passed down the generations.

I'd tell the truth.

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