Going to start time out

[kreamkrackers]

My 2 children have been awful lately with their behaviour, it's been bad but in the last month it's 10 times worse. I've decided to use the playpen that is just used for storing toys for time out instead. I'm thinking of putting it in the other side of the living room so the children can't communicate with one another whilst they're in there.

Dd1 will be 4 in May but she has sn so she is more like an 18 month old in development. Dd2 is 20 months old but as she was 11 weeks early she should be nearly 18 months old.

Should I give warnings before putting them in?
If so how many?
How long should I be putting them in for?
Should I explain why they're going in there?
Should I try to get them to appologise?

Sorry I'm asking all these questions but I'm so confused over it, dd1 looks blankly when I tell her off, for example she takes a toy from dd2 and pushes her over making dd2 cry and when i tell dd1 not to do that as it makes dd2 upset she just goes off to her own world. Or if i tell dd2 off, for example she's climbing dangerously on the top of the settee i tell her off only to have her scream in my face for telling her off.

At the moment life is really hard with them both and this is the only thing i can think of doing which might make life that little bit easier but i'm unsure on how to handle the time out part and i don't want to mess it up and make it worse for us all.

Or if there is any other advice which i might be able to use to help me with my girls could you please let me know.

TIA

[pedilia]

mine are 7 and 3 and both get time out, I use 3 strikes and your out.
They are told nicely twice and if they are still misbehaving then they are sent upstairs.

If they come down and are still being naughty then they have 5 minutes taken off their bedtime, this always works

[HonoriaGlossop]

I think time out should be just that; genuine Time Out - only use it when you have tried everything else and used every brain cell you have in trying to distract and move on to other things, and you are SO at the end of your tether that you genuinely need a break from the child...

I think that way you won't over-use it, which I believe could cause resentment and just make behaviour worse.

How it would go for me would be to go through a checklist mentally;

1: Is what they are doing REALLY that bad? Pick your battles and remember they are children and will act like children!

1. If you work at it hard enough MOST of the time MOST children will be distractible (though we ALL have off days where we just don't have the energy etc so please do not beat yourself up or think I am saying every day will go smoothly)
2. If you've babyproofed so that they are not simply touching/doing stuff they shouldn't just because they can, and you've picked your battle, and you've tried to distract, then I would give a warning that they'll have to have some time out on their own if they carry on.....if they carry on, I would give another warning, then I'd do it.

I wouldn't get too hung up on 'one minute for each year of their age', I'd certainly say no MORE than that but less would probably be fine for lots of kids

Do not get fixated on apologies, IMO it just carries on the previous issue when really you just need to move on. If you want your children to apologise then all you can do is treat THEM empathetically, say sorry to them when you need to, and they WILL learn from your example...far better than just training them to say an insincere 'sorry'.

Hope some of that helps....sorry to hear things are so tough at the moment. You have two at very challenging stages and you ARE doing a fab job just to get through each day so please give yourself a huge pat on the back...

and if you need to use time out, do it and don't agonise about it, don't second guess yourself...and use the time to take a few deep breaths and plan what you're going to move them on to...good luck!