does anyone else have a revolting dd age 9?

[empty]

My dd age 9 has turned into a revolting person over the last few months. I argue with her everyday over basic things like teeth brushing, bed time, homework, hair brushing, getting ready for school in fact it feels like everything. Saturday she spat at me because i didnt say "bless you" after she had sneezed because i didnt hear her.

She was in serious trouble last week at school where of course normally, she is an A+ student, on the gifted and talented list for music and according to her teachers "a joy to teach" (ha!) Her head of year had her across the coals for writing a smutty letter to a boy in her class. When i read the letter which her teacher had sent home, the writing was her friends writing but my dd took the blame(???).

She changed schools in september to a middle school from a lovely lower school in a rural area. her new school is a christian school but is now mixing with older children and to be honest is also being picked on by some of the girls her own age because she is moody.

I had a major operation one week before xmas and have struggled with depression since but this has started to lift dramatically with the help of st johns wort. We have a lovely holiday booked, she has help and support with her homework, i take time out to do girly things with her. i do try my hardest but can not work out how to deal with this horrible arrogance she has adopted.

it made me really cry sunday because my dh was off (first time in ages) and the whole day was ruined cos of her rudeness.

[HonoriaGlossop]

maybe the key is in the sentence "I argue with her everyday"

Just don't do it.

You don't have to argue. She knows what needs to be done. She either does it or not - and if she doesn't she needs a consequence rather than you getting into an argument.

She's drawing you down the road of acting like a 9 year old if you allow yourself to argue with her. You're the adult, you have the power, you don't NEED to argue.

The spitting at you sounds like the reaction of someone where there is a lot of anger and resentment and again as the adult I think it has to be you (and her dad) who are the ones to step out of the negative cycle, and change the mood and the way you relate to eachother.

I think perhaps step away from alot more; hair brushing, getting ready for school, homework, are all things that SHE will bear the consequences of if she doesn't do them. Bedtime - make it a pleasure to go up, go with her, read to her, lay and chat to her etc THEN leave her to sleep when she's tired. She is old enough now to have a bit of control. So long as she's not watching TV till all hours, she will sleep when ready.

With the teeth brushing, encourage her but if she won't what I would do is quietly make an appointment at the dentist and ring them beforehand so THEY can tell her the consequences. Dentists are very good IME at giving the lectures!

I think you are giving her too much of a battle at the moment and you need to step away a bit

Glad to hear the StJohns Wart is good, I have a friend who swears by it

[NikkiH]

Ohh this post could have been from me Empty except that I have a 9-year-old DS instead! Life is very draining at the moment isn't it!

Haven't got any words of wisdom on how to cope with it all. I try to step away like HonoriaGlossop suggested and not enter into an arguement. I've handed over responsibility to him to get his things ready for school, to decide when he is going to do his homework / reading and whether he is going to clean his teeth (and the dentist has given him a talking to when presented with yellowing teetch) as he faces the consequences if he doesn't do these things.

I've also told DH that he has to back me up and be seen to be on my side if DS1 is rude to me or aggressive towards me and that consequences have to be applied for such behaviour.

My biggest bug bear is the constant bickering between DS1 and DS2 which is getting increasingly aggressive. Am investigating anger management techniques and possiblly the purchase of two cages to put them in and keep them apart .

[bluejelly]

I agree with Honoria. Take a step back.
Try not to get drawn in. She is probably seeking attention, even if it is negative ( eg taking responsibility for her friend's letter. Arguing about minor things like toothbrushing.)

Reward her for good behaviour. Focus on the positive. Allow her to take responsibility for her actions.

And keep posting!

[missmama]

Let me know if you can get a good deal on those cages Nikki!
My DS is now 9 and does not quite get the fact that he is still a boy and needs to do as he is told, instead of ignoring me as he has a younger brother who will do most things for him

[spudFace]

PLEASE NOTE I AM NO LONGER EMPTY BUT SPUDfACE INSTEAD! I NO LONGER FEEL EMPTY AS MY DEPRESSION HAS BEEN LIFTED WITH THE HELP OF ST J W.**

hi there, yes the phrase "i argue with her everyday" says it all really. My dh has always been 100% supportive and she has to answer to him at the moment for any mis behaviour. I will start to give her more responsibility ie getting ready for school, homework etc.

Am worried about the spitting. i think she is not that happy at school as there are girls that pick on her. am actually going to see her teacher tomorrow.

dd is an only child (we did want more children but it was never meant to be) and i would hate for us to fall out cos i love kids.