DD 8yrs has developed or is developing a hand washing obsession

[MegGriffin]

I was not sure whether to post this in health or here, I hope someone can help me. This problem has developed over the last year/18months. The hand washing boils down to her getting rid of germs so that she wont be sick. She has developed a serious fear of vomiting and she washes her hands before eating and if she can eat without touching her food, she will. For example a packet of crisps will be tipped in to her mouth. When she is eating and does use her hands she holds them like a surgeon would before an operation and will only use one hand. If the food falls on the table or she touches it with any other part of her body sghe wont eat it. If she or anyone else touches her food she acts as if she has contaminated it although it is ok if I touch it. I have tried many strategies to help her. I have tried explaining to her if she is going to get a sickness bug it is more likely to come from another person. I have tried playing it down but she does not seem to be getting any better. I am in no way obsessive about hand washing or cleanliness (only in a normal way)so I am not sure how this all developed. I know someone was sick next to her in the lunch hall when she was in reception which she has mentioned but other than that she can not understand it herself. I really want to help her but I dont know how. So far I have not sought any professional advice although I am thinking of talking to the school nurse as she does also deal with mental health issues. Can anyone suggest what to do. I don't want her labeled and I do want her to feel normal.

[nutcracker]

Hiya, my dd2 also 8 has a handwashing obsession also.

Tbh hers started at around 4 years old and slowly increased in intensity until she was about 6 and I was having to smoother her hands in cream as they were so sore.
Dd's obbession is also about germs, and she is particularly obbsessive about hand washing when using the toilet. I know that sounds perfectly sane, as you need to wash hands after using the toilet, but it got the extent with dd, that even if she went into the bathroom, and didn't use the toilet, she'd still have to wash her hands. She also developed a habit of sniffing her hands.

In the end I went and saw my gp who reffered dd to a psych. The psych was very matter of fact with dd, and basically told her that she was not allowed to wash her hands unless she had actually been to the toilet or had been doing some activity (like painting) which required them to be cleaned afterwards.

I was also instructed to stop dd from washing her hands if I found her breaking the rules.
It was very hard. Dd accepted what the psych had said but did try and break the rules and I had to practically sit on her a couple of times to stop her.

2 years on, she is alot better but the obsession is still there and flares up every now and again, normally when dd is generally stressy about something. She still washed her hands like a surgeon and will scream at ds at the top of her voice if she catches him leaving the bathroom without washing his hands.
She doesn't see the psych anymore, she was discharged after 2 session, and tbh I wasn't overly impressed with the treatment we recived and so was happy not to go back.

It does worry me that dd might get obbsessional about other things when she is older, but the psych told me that I simply have to tell her it isn't allowed and physically stop her.

I would definatly go and see your gp about it, even if just to talk it over.

[MegGriffin]

Wow nutcracker that sounds just like my DD. She also has sore chapped hands. I thought she was the only one. I wonder if tomorrow I should try that approach and say only hand wash after toilet like you said and be strict? I have tried to get books from the library but they all talk about hand washing and germs which is exactly the opposite effect to what I want.

[MegGriffin]

Should I go on my own or take DD with me?

[imaginaryfriend]

Meg your dd sounds scarily like I was when I was around that age. I developed a very severe fear of vomiting which actually took over my life for most of my school life and still disables me today.

I can't tell you enough how fantastic it is that your dd can talk to you about it though. I never told anyone. Everyone thought I was anorexic and all kinds of other things but nobody guessed why I didn't eat. If I were you I would seek some professional help. I don't think these things go away.

My dd is only 5 and shows far too many signs of being similar. When we're out and she uses a toilet and washes her hands, she refuses to touch anything on the way out and gets borderline hysterical if she accidentally 'dirties' her hands again on the door handle.

[blondierow]

hello there!
before you start i apologize for the horrendously long post! i have a cousin who has a similar problem. she seems to wash her hands continuously,and has other traits to do with germs and illnesses etc. e.g. if someone touches her washed clothes from the washing machine she has to put them all back on to wash again, plus many many more! what your daughter does sounds like OCD. Dont panic though, it is quite normal for short periods of time. i think most people go through little phases here and there, i remember i did and several people i know have done, but they just seem to pass! if, as you said, it has been going on for a long time then perhaps a trip to the doctors might help, to see if they have any other alternative solutions. i used to feel almost frustrated when i would continue with traits of ocd, so if you think she may be getting annoyed/confused with compulsively doing these things then talk to/arrange a visit to her doctor's. the reason why i say go to her GP rather than the school nurse is so then she doesn't feel it's to do with the social life of school and worry other people at school may find out. also then the GP can put you in touch with perhaps someone who can help your daughter through it. Dont worry that i advise going to the GP it's just that my aunt didn't with her daughter and she is now 24 and still has these major hang ups! i really hope this helps..let me know how you get on!
good luck!!

[nutcracker]

Yes you could try that. In the beginning I wasn't sure what I should do, stop her, or let her. I thought if I tried to stop her it would be making a big deal out of it, and if I didn't stop her, she'd think it was ok and carry on, but the psych said definatly stop her.

At one point I was going around the supermarket sniffing al of the soaps trying to find the lest scented one, thinking that maybe she washed them because then they smelt clean, and so if she could smell the soap then there would be no point LOL. I think the psych thought I was nuts when I told her that.

I feel we are relativly lucky as dd's now only flares up if she gets stressed, and the days of her screaming in the car down the motorway because the service station toilets had no soap are finally long gone.

I'd try the strcit approach, but if it doesn't work, have a chat with your gp about it, they may have other techniques.

[TotalChaos]

I would go on your own first of all, to suss out how sympathetic and knowledgable the school nurse seems. In terms of reading, it might be useful to look up about phobias/emetophobia as well as handwashing - although the behaviours of OCD handwashing and emetophobia type handwashing can be very similar, the cause behind them, and the treatment isn't always the same. Phobias tend to be linked to anxiety, so if you encourage your DD to be more relaxed that will help a bit.

[nutcracker]

I went on my own meg, and then gp reffered dd on.

[TotalChaos]

oh and if you can get her to moisturise in between handwashes and/or limit her handwashes to a certain amount of time (as long as it takes to sing Happy birthday is a good rough measure of how long a normal but thorough handwash should take).

[MegGriffin]

Imaginary I am so sorry to hear about your phobia, it must be awful to live with. Although I don't like vomit, I am luckily not phobic. Should I go to doctors and take her with me. I am lucky she is open with me and she has asked me for help but I was not sure if going to the docs would make it bigger and that if I did nothing it would go away. I can see now that it won't go away on it's own and I must try and help her and hopefuly take control of this if possible. I hope my Gp will be sympathetic.

[imaginaryfriend]

Meg I really think you should go to the GP (if they are a good GP, if not ask for a referral to a psychologist first). If I'd been able to talk to anyone as a child I doubt my phobia would have had the effect on me that it did (I only ever weighed between 4-5 stone between the ages of 8-15; didn't start my periods until I was 18).

I wrote my PhD thesis on obsessions 6 years ago and all evidence suggests that you should not under any circumstance accommodate a loved one's obsession, you have to deny it and fight it with them.

[MegGriffin]

Thanks all of you. It is reassuring to hear similar stories as I dont know anyone in RL who understands this. Behaviour issues are always hard to deal with, unlike physical illness where you can go to the doctors with real symptoms ifkwim.