Advice really appreciated

[jen0202]

I really hope someone has some new ideas I can try to get my 3 year old, Abby, back into her morning routine.
She was ill just before Christmas and had a few "PJ's" days, sitting on the sofa, watching movies and generally just resting.

We had an absolute nightmare getting her into her dress on Christmas morning, she was still coughing and tired and just didn't want to get dressed. She was screaming and crying and worked herself into the state that they can't get themselves out of.
Eventually she fell asleep for 20 minute in the car and woke up perfectly happy. She was on great form for the rest of the day, loving opening her presents and bring the centre of attention with our families.
Since then she has had the same tantrum every morning saying "I don't want to get dressed, I want to go back to bed," even though she's slept well. She screams as though being tortured and working herself into a state while we dress her.

If we are at home for the day or the morning, she'll take the first opporunity to sneak off and appear back, completely naked or with her PJ's back on and looking very pleased with herself.
The first few times I was insistent on her staying dressed and would go through the tantrum 2 or 3 times a day when she undressed to redress her and finally give up and let her stay in her jammies if it was nearly tew time anyway

I just don't know what to do to break her out of this cycle.
I've tried offering her treats while dressing her, to bake or paint or go for a walk, but these havn't worked, when she would normally love this.

I've tried getting her up for breakfast before dressing- this is the way we used to do it before this all started, but when I say it's time to get dressed the tantrums start.
I've tried making her stay in her room until she's ready to get dressed in the morning as she complains of wanting to go back to bed- even though she has slept fine. It got to 12pm one day when I insisted she stay in her room until ready to get dressed, she'd had nothing to eat and didn't seem bothered- all of her determination was on stayin in her PJ's.
Eventually i dressed her- screaming- and brought her downstairs but as soon as she'd eated she disappeared and changed back into her PJ's.

I'm just feel like I'm at a dead end with the whole situation. She is by nature a very happy but stubborn and independant child, preferring to dress herself with minimal assistance until this all started.

I don't know what to do, she was dressed for half an hour this morning and has spent the rest of the time in her PJ's.

I just don't know what else to do, she laughs when I cry from the frustration.
It's soul destroying.
I just don't know what to do, we used to be such a happy family.

Any advice would be most appreciated.

Jen

[fryalot]

oh Jen.... please don't get yourself worked up about this.

It sounds to me as if she has had a few days when ill when she was allowed to wear her pjs all day and she realised that they are bloody comfortable and wants to wear them all the time.

Do you absolutely need her to be dressed? Does she go to nursery or something? If you're just staying in the house, is there any harm in letting her be in her jimjams? I know that this is not what you want to hear, but really, she won't come to any harm, you will be a lot calmer and eventually she will either grow out of it, or start school and have to wear clothes then.

I have a 3 year old who wears pyjamas pretty much all the time unless we are going out. But I have two other kids who are more than happy in clothes.

In the nicest possible way... does it really matter? Isn't getting back to being that happy family more important than what she is wearing?

[Anna8888]

Relax.

My daughter had a six month pyjama phase when she was around 2 to 2.6. She only wanted to wear pyjamas and would only put proper clothes on when we went out. When we got back home, her pyjamas went straight back on.

She grew out of it.

[jen0202]

Thanks squonk, you've made me smile!
You're right, it doesn't really matter just now.
She'll start nursery in April, hopefully mornings so she'll have to start getting dressed daily then.
I'm just worried that if we have a few jammies days a week she'll be even worse when we've got to get up and go out as she'll see the jammies as the routine.
I do have to lighten up a bit, I just hate to feel like it's a step back and if she doesn't get dressed as often she won't get the practice at buttons etc.

[ksld]

Could you take her shopping (have to battle the tantrum first in this cold though) and try to get her to choose some clothes - maybe a fleecy tracksuit that is still a bit like PJs to wear on days you have to leave the house?

[jen0202]

Thanks all,
I'll try and let it go for now and hopefully the phase will pass.
I might just stay in my jammies when we're at home too!

[chrissnow]

My dd2 is going through the phases. No clothes just wellies , no trousers just skirts. No long slleve tops, no green nightdresses and not pjs. just let her get on with it whilst we're at home. she will get dressed appropriately(ish) if we're going out. Like today perfectly respectable dungarees and top + a halloween pumpkin hat . It's no trauma unless you let it be.

[Anna8888]

Yes, my daughter has moved onto dressing up clothes now. Mostly tutus and princess dresses in the afternoon (she takes off her school uniform almost as soon as we get home).

She went through a non-skirts and tights phase a while back too. I just left it and one day the phase was over, just like that.

Oh, and last winter she never wore her shoes (red Start-Rites), only wellies.

Really, it doesn't matter.

[fryalot]

jen - if you insist that she wears clothes when you go out. And make a point of going out if not every day, then nearly every day, then she will get to know that it is ok to wear pjs at home, but she needs clothes outside.

Then when you really do need her to get dressed, it shouldn't be a problem.

And if it is a problem, remember that it is extremely unlikely that you will do any damage to them whilst physically holding them down and forcing their legs into trousers

Glad I made you smile

[mistlethrush]

Ds 2.9 sometimes doesn't want to get dressed. Normally get to the stage of getting pjs off when he refuses to put other things on. We've discovered that the best way to address this is say 'OK, but you'll get cold with no trousers / t shirt / whatever on' - and leave - which brings him rushing out with said item of clothing for help to put it on. Then its his choice to wear it.

And yes, would take Squonk's advice and ensure you go out - preferably in the morning - every day, and 'talk up' where you're going and what you're going to do and what she'll see there - finishing with something to the effect that she needs to be wearing clothes to go there.

I was talking to a mother from nursery - her dd (3?) only has one skirt, dresses herself in what she wants (including eg shorts over pj bottoms during the day), wears nursery uniform at the weekend but refuses during the week etc etc. So, you're not alone, don't despair!

Best of luck