Please Help... DS won't sleep, been screaming for 1 hour now...

[Neney1]

Please can any of you give me some advice on what to do RE: sleeping routine for 3 month old. He will not settle unless we feed him and rock him to sleep. I keep being told that "he needs to settle himself" but this does not seem to be happening, I've been doing the 2 mins leave to cry then go in and pat on the back, but he still doesn't stop screaming. Within the last hour I've breastfed him (again) and changed him, checked his clothes etc, he just wants to be cuddled which I always give in to... but this has to change surely????? At my wits end, even have to write this between checks and reassurances to him. Isn't is supposed to be harmful to let your baby cry for too long?

[DaddyJoseph]

Neney, is this the very first time you are doing this?

If so then please give in tonight!

Go along with what he wants for now and
do a little research first on all the options
you have got.

Don't worry, he is only 3 months old there is
still plenty of time for him to learn to
settle himself!

[madamy]

Why does he 'need to settle himself'? He's a tiny baby fgs! I settle ds (7mths) - he won't self settle yet, and I settled dd1 for about a year - she's now 4.6 and a fab sleeper.
If you are happy settling him to sleep whether through feeding/cuddling/rocking then I would say carry on.

[Neney1]

You're right he is a sucky baby, and I'd love for him to have a dummy, but even though I try him with one very regularly, he always spits it out and cries even harder. I've even tried different types (orthodontic, cherry) to see if that makes a difference.

So far over the last few weeks, we've had to sit by his crib with our finger in his mouth to get him to sleep... so a dummy would be a godsend!

UPDATE: He is now up & downstairs with me, couldn't hack the screaming, finger sucking didn't even work as he got so wound up.

[Neney1]

Thank god. I've given in. And I feel so much better!!

As for the "settle himself" it seems to scream at me from every advice portal available, the net, booklets through the door, even my HV.

Something needs to give though, Every now & again he'll have days when he goes through the night (yay) and then nights when he's up every 2 hours for an hour. I'm bfeeding so there's no escape from it. I'm just exhausted after nights like these.
Where do I start?

[DaddyJoseph]

Well, Neney, you have come to the right place

There are loads of people here who have worked
out different ways to get the whole family a good night's sleep!

I hope they come to this thread, if not
start a new thread and call it
'Evil HV tells me I need to let him CRY IT OUT - any alternatives??'

Have a look in the sleep section,
the girls on the 'Sleep is for the weak' thread
should also have tons of advice and support.

[madamy]

I really can sympathise - although ds hasn't yet slept through! He's awake 3-4 times on average and I feed him at least twice - also breastfeeding. He also yells if he wakes and nobody comes, and ends up waking himself up even more! He's also a rubbish daytime sleeper - unless we're out in the buggy!

So we've taken to co-sleeping which is something I never thought I'd do. Not the easiest as we've only got a standard double bed, but it does mean he sleeps better and for longer. It's also easier to feed him and he doesn't stay awake for long. I certainly feel better for it! I'm not sure how long we will continue - my 2 dds have never slept with us!

I know what you mean about the self settling though! I occasionally post on another antenatal forum and all the girls seem to be obsessed with it. Yes, it would be good - I'd get more time to myself/with dh in the evenings etc, but the thought of enduring any sort of 'sleep training' and the ensuing lack of my sleep when I've got 3 dcs at home in the day is too ghastly right now1

[bigwombat]

Lol DJ at evil HV thread title - would def get lots of attention! My dds are quite old now relatively (8 and 6) but I remember they both did this. 3 months is v young still and I think you should follow your instincts and give your ds the cuddles he wants. You have plenty of time to get him into a routine. My dds are both now good sleepers, but were pretty difficult at times until at least age 2!

[ceebee74]

Agree with the others - he is still so young that I would just go along with what he wants.

When Ds was that age, we let him sleep downstairs with us in the evening - he would fall asleep whilst cuddling one of us and then we would move him to his moses basket/beanbag until we went to bed.

At about 4/5 months we progressed to putting him upstairs once he was asleep - then we progressed to taking him upstairs awake but letting him fall asleep on our bed with me lying next to him - it is only in the last couple of months or so that he is able to to go in his cot awake and settle himself (he is now 17 months) - all babies get there in their own time and 3 months is very very young to expect him to settle himself - go with the flow for now

[Neney1]

Thanks for the support guys. This is the first time I've posted on here and I already feel 10 times better. Didn't even realise that there was a sleep section to post on! Will do my homework on where threads are MN!!
UPDATE: Fell asleep on my shoulder whilst I was reading on here and now in crib sound asleep...

Daddy Joseph... will def start that thread you suggested if nothing comes through on here!

Madamy.. I love co-sleeping, DH, unfortunately, does not!! So not only do I have him pleading for DS to go to sleep in his crib, I also have that nagging phrase "bad habits" that seems to reverberate around the room whenever I dare to get comfy in the bed with him (DS that is, not my husband!!) Will go find that sleep thread now...!
Neney x

[amytheearwaxbanisher]

ah he is only three months pick him up you know you want to!

[ChubbyScotsBurd]

Neney - firstly get yourself a stiff drink and do whatever you like to get your baby to sleep. Then have a read through the sleep section.

I type one handed with my 4 month old DS on my shoulder being rocked (he's woken up 3 times tonight and can't self settle). I am of the belief that those who claim that they taught their newborns to self-settle just think they did, it was actually a coincidence.

All I can say is that I have been there where you are several times every night and I have tried all sorts to 'teach' him how to fall asleep and have decided he will only do it when he's ready - so we gave up and he sleeps with me and naps on our bed after being fed or rocked to sleep, and guess whether we're happier?!

I still have wobbly moments but overall it's so much less hassle to do what they need you to do than to battle with them when they're tiny and don't understand. It's maddening but some of us are just unlucky and don't get babies who know how to sleep - we'll get through it eventually with time, IM(recently formed)O training causes more strife than it's worth.

I take faith from knowing of no adults who can't fall asleep without a breastfeed! It all comes down to society's unrealistic expectation that we should return to a prescribed 'normal' ASAP after having a child - but it makes sense for a small helpless tasty thing like a cavebaby to only sleep in contact with its cavemum, where wolves and bears and stuff won't eat it. Nobody's told your baby that it's the 21st century and most of us live in semis and our only predators are double glazing salesmen.

[fishie]

neney1 get your dh reading this as well, he needs to be your ally not feeling that he is being left out or his advice is disregarded. mine is a nice sensible man but still needed to have stuff pointed out like
babies need comfort
don't consider any form of sleep training till 1 year
new mothers need lots of support it is not instinctive

[DaddyJoseph]

Yes, get your dh involved in this!

You need his support and he needs to understand
that you, as the mother and primary caretaker of
a small baby, will have to have the final say.

Co-sleeping makes a lot of sense and, no, it does
not mean that you will never get your bed back!

[ChubbyStuckForAFestiveNameBurd]

Co-sleep, co-sleep, co-sleep ....

[Neney1]

THANK GOD for you lot!! I've just had a quick peek at the sleep section, makes me realise that 3 months is still too young to start all of this (to be honest I feel awful that I even tried this tonight
Now i feel so much better. Will def get DH on this site, if anything to make him realise that our DS is behaving normally, and that parents up and down the land are experiencing the same if not worse.
I will also chuck out any literature that says the words "settle himself" in the bin.

I blame Tesco, it's only cos they sent that bloody booklet in the post this morning with the article "Help our baby won't sleep" Did anyone else get it in that Baby & toddler club pack? Then you'll know why I blame Tesco!!

[celia500]

Hi Neney, I haven't posted on here before but just thought I'd offer some support! My DD is 15 weeks and is nowhere near being able to self settle! I have to go through a routine every bedtime and nap time of walking round the living room, then sitting and rocking her in a dark bedroom, making a humming noise like a loon until she is sleeping. Even doing that, she will scream for up to an hour...as she has got older, the amount of crying has dropped a lot though. Now I'm down to 10 mins. Everyone tells me to let her cry it out alone but that just feels wrong to me and so I have chosen to ignore them..I just think our babies need help to go to sleep until they can work it out for themselves! I hope things settle down for you all soon.

[madamy]

It's so true about babies 'being ready'. DD2 could be plonked in her cot from 7 weeks, cooed and gurgled to herself and promptly fell asleep for 12 hours straight! I did absolutely nothing different with her than I had with dd1 or than I'm doing with ds.
Re co-sleeping, could any co-sleepers out there tell me when I supposed to know when they're ready to sleep alone?

[coby]

Neney1 - had this with both my DCs. I think he is too young to understand crying it out too.

I think there is no correct age. I think the correct time is when you have really had enough and are strong enough to ignore the cries (if that is what you want to do). Until then, controlled crying just isn't going to work as you'll give in because you aren't ready and that will send out mixed messages.

Do what you feel is best, take in all the advice you are given then pick and choose the bits you want to follow.