How does your toddler (if at all) sit through Mass?

[LadyOfWassail]

When DS was a baby he used to sleep through it, or stare at the candles but now he is a total nightmare - they have a corner with books etc. but he runs round and shouts, so I have to just walk round with him outside until he settles but usually end up going home. Do you just not go with toddlers or am I doing something wrong? I am dreading Christmas mass but I don't feel I can skip it. He is 20 months. And will not sit and play quietly with toys

[geogteach]

At that age I don't think you can expect quiet. My strategies included going to mass with lots of other kids (someone elses will always be worse than yours), our church has 'happy bags' which each have a cuddly toy, some books and colouring in which kids can pick up as they go into church, someone elses toys are always more exciting than your own and that keeps them occupied for a bit. As for christmas again is there a kids service? We have one at 6.30 on christmas eve, it is so packed nobody will notice your son and having lots of other kids around can often be entertaining in itself.

[LadyOfWassail]

Yeah, might try the "Childrens Mass" on Christmas Eve, but there isn't alot (if any) toddlers that go on a Sat. night or Sunday morning to our church so all attention is on him shouting "Dadadada!" as loud as he can

[onepieceoflollipop]

Same here and dd is almost 4. She is worse if sitting with her friend who is 6 months older and said friend's parents tend to be fine with their dd literally running riot.

We try to distract her with toys/books. I generally end up hissing threats and half of the time dh or I make a sharp exit with dd protesting loudly under one of our arms!

Sorry not to be of more help. I would imagine that most of the congregation would say your ds is not being a problem, the odd few may tut and roll their eyes - ignore the 2nd lot. I find it irritating when my child is particularly loud and disruptive which is why we take her out.

Yes and like geogteach says look out for kids' services etc. Our CofE church has a more family friendly 10.30 am service. There is no way I would brave the more traditional 8am service.

[horseymum]

do you go every week? my ds has been to church every week since day 6 so he is kind of used to it. do you make it something special to look forward to or just to be endured? Can you try a special bag and special quiet toys that only come out for going to church. Also some snacks might help. can you introduce him to the minister/priest so he knows who he is and can look out for him and say hello etc. Really try explaining what is going, we talk lots to ours about what is happening, learn some of the more common songs/prayers at home so you can all join in. Enlist the help of some understanding members of the congregation who you can sit beside and help you. Maybe he can sit on their lap for a bit to take the pressure off you. If your faith is important to you (as it is to us) then church is just one part of it, it is something that goes on all week and church is a natural part of it, joining together with other christians to worship God as we do ourselves at other times and in other ways during the week. If you find you are getting no help or support from members and the priest ( that is only after you have asked, you must ask as people do not always know you are struggling) then maybe it is time to look for another church. Also do not assume that your ds is actually disturbing people as much as you think - people should genuinely welcome children into church and our minister delights to hear the shouted 'amen' or 'that was a good song' comment from the many kids at our church. I would have to sy that being taken out is what we really try to avoid as it is almost a 'reward' for misbehaving. Try to make it so that he wants to be there but let him know that he is expected to at least be sitting in a seat or on a lap, relatively quietly. It is not harsh or cruel to expect this for a certain lenght of time. The first part of our service is about 25 minutes and then they go out to creche but on a family service he stays in for 1 hour and always has done.Do you have a creche he could go to so you can participate in the service? maybe some more mature ladies would take turns to take him out for a bit?! Persevere, with lots of praise and occasional rewards and i hope you will both grow to love this time rather than dread it!

[Walnutshell]

that some churches aren't naturally more family friendly.

[horseymum]

oh and another one, if there are other kids, it is often better not to sit near them as they often wind each other up! An old lady who will smile at him is a better bet!

[Oblomov]

We need to start going to mass.
Ds (hopefully) will start at our catholic school next Sept.
Was thinking that if I took him to the Family service at 10 am, rather than the shorter service at 8.30( which I obviously would prefer), then he would make friends with some of the children that he will be going to school with in Sept.
I think that the family service, the children go out into a different room.
Does yours not do this ?

[Oblomov]

Sorry didn't realsie he was only 20 months. Don't worry about it, there are always loads of children and babies making loads of noise at our masses.
Kind of expected, I think.

[rosmerta]

We always sit in the pew that's next to the confessional rooms, so he has a bit of room to play & move around. I will add that the confessional rooms are locked so he can't go in or out of them! But it just takes them time to get used to it!

[LadyOfWassail]

I'll try all the things you said, make a special bag of toys and hope he sits at least for a little while I don't know at what age they go to the Sunday School bit, I will have to find out - that will break it up for him. Thanks.

[Nemostwonderfultimeoftheyear]

I take a bag of treats,drinks,quiet toys and a colouring book, also sit at end so if need to can get up. I have 3 dc,ds 4,dd1 23m,dd2 11m. DS is now old enough to go to childrens church and has been for about the past 6mths or so. Depends on how your church works but ds was the youngest there so would say 3.5yrs is average age for that.

[LadyOfWassail]

And your 23m old is OK? I will definatly take supplies with me next time He will most definatly sit for a while if he is munching a (quiet) snack.

[onepieceoflollipop]

horseymum great advice about trying not to sit with other kids. However, our friend's dd "insists" on sitting with us (she is 4) and I find it impossible to deal with without causing offence. Her parents generally say to her half heartedly a few times that she needs to move and sit with them. We encourage her to do so as well. She flatly refuses and they shrug their shoulders and let her get on with it. She then proceeds to wind up my dd with squealing and playing up etc.

On one occasion her parents were out of the main church and she played me up so much I took her out but she screamed as I did so and made an almighty commotion and her mother was not impressed. I have to say I was not impressed either at being left to deal with her without being asked.

For my dd she wants to stay in the main service and doesn't view it as a punishment to be taken out.

[LoveAngelGabriel]

I recently posted a similar thread in the religion forum. My son is nearly 3 and it's a nightmare to keep him entertained / quiet during mass. We have a 'children's mass' t 10.15 on Sundays, but they expect you to take the kids to the children's liturgy in the church hall next door, and my son is just too young to understand what the heck is going on and just runs about disrupting the others. I have got through a few Sundays with a massive bag of entertainment and treats, but it doesn't always work. My husband and I have started attending mass individually (taking turns every week) and then taking my son once a month. At least then it's only once a month I have to endure the old biddies tutting at us! people have said to us 'he'll get used to it eventually' etc etc, but my son's nursery teacher had an interesting take on it. She said dveelopmentally, he is too young to be expected to sit still / be quiet for an hour, and that he shouldn't have to, basically!

[TellusMater]

We have a ghetto child-friendly area for families with small children. They can play on the aisle and toys are kept there for them.

If you sit elsewhere in the church though, serious tutting goes on

[cuppa]

I find being braver and sitting right at the front better cos further back they've only got the backs of people to look at and tend to play up more.

I also think plenty of books and paper and pencils also helps. I personally don't like toys,as they tend to be noisy and also don't like snacks in church - past little baby stage a kid can go an hour without eating. I've seen parents practically bringing out a packed lunch, complete with associated mess , I just don't think it's necessary or 'good' I stretched to a bottle of water when they were younger.

Be brave and remember it will get better. And try to go every week. I find also intermittant visits met with more resistance than going every week, come what may. Then it's a normal and acepted part of the week

[mamalocco]

Food - loads of it. And the quiet stuff, like bananas and grapes rather than apples and crisps!!!

Oh and not Cheerios - spent most of last Christmas eve mass crawling under pews retrieving them after dd2 decided they weren't to her liking!

[mamalocco]

Oops just read cuppa's post - if you see me with my picnic hamper - please look away.

[TenLordsaLapin]

DS is almost 20 months - he has been a bit of a pain recently. We go to the Cathedral and it's just too packed to have him in the buggy (unless you loiter at the back, which is dull). TBH he only goes about 1 week a month now, and DH just hopes he sleeps! (DH is catholic, not me, so I don't go very often).

I'm another one that doesn't like the food thing either, sorry. Milk or water is fine though, we always take a drink for DS.

[Lazycow]

Well I changed my church because of this issue. I attended one church where they had a children's liturgy but only for school age children which was a nightmare as ds wouldn't stay still.

My current church does a liturgey for babies and toddlers which means they are allowed to move around and do colouring etc, though they are gently encouraged to listen as well.

We have 10 mins with ds at the beginning, then 20-25 mins in the childen's liturgy then another (very long !!!) 20 back in the church.

Even with this I find attending church with ds 'exhausting' and on the weeks when there is no children's litugy my heart sinks but we do stay and I generally don't take ds out unless he is being very noisy and the only to the back to stand outside the inner door. We never leave early as I want him to get used to it.

My church is also very tolerent of children and I have never had any problems with other attendees in fact most are very kind, helpful and sympathetic. I do always attend the family mass with ds though. If for some reason I want to go in the evening or on saturday I leave ds with dh and go alone.

[Lazycow]

I have tried pencils and paper but tbh honest with ds even now at 3years old he will only do that for a few mins. At 20 months he really just threw them all over the place and in addition to a nightmare toddler I'd be scrabbling to pick them all up.

I tried a variety of toys but he ended up banging them all over the place.

I did actually use snacks towards the end of the service. I would give him something quite 'naughty' that he rarely go such as a pot of small biscuits or some sweets. These ALWAYS worked and kept him quiet for about 5-10 mins I eventually stopped using these now as he is old enough to understand more and I bribe him with being able to to go to the coffee & tea bit after the service to play with the other children and to have a biscuit or 4 !!

[ernest]

ah yes, re pencils - I only ever give one to avoid them being lobbed everywhere or even just dropped really noisily.

It is hard tho -- no getiing away from it 2 - 3 is really the hardest, after that if you've survived this period, it's a lot easier. I remember many a hairy church hour and so many oh so sympathetic looks, I never thought I'd get through but I did. Now i rarely get a peep out of ds1 (8), ds2 (6) miles better, ds3 just turned 4 last week still wanders round (in small church) but is at least quiet

[horseymum]

was interested to see a nursery teacher saying that developmentally a child at nearly 3 can't sit still for that long. i must have a genius!! It depends on what you think is important in life but I agree that it can take hard work and perseverence (and prayer?!) but my ds even goes out some sunday evenings and sits when it is over 1 hour long. I reserve the food for the evening sermon only now he is nearly 3. Would agree that sitting at the front can help as they can see what is going on. I find it sad when other people rather than your child cause families to have to split up to go to church separately. Unfortunately other paents can scupper your 'training' if they let theirs run riot. Keep going and remember God wants young children in his house even of some of the other members don't!

[ernest]

My 7 year old finds it a sturggle still to sit still for half an hour

[maltloafeater]

Well said horsey mum. I get very fed up with other parents who think it is ok to let their child run up and down the aisles. My two have been taught from the begining that some occasions demand them to sit still and behave. When they were very little and they started to play up we took them out. A few sessions in a draughty porch and they soon cottoned on that they would rather be inside.