Scared of soo much - sorry long

[Spoo]

My DS1 is nearly 3 and is scared of so many things. List includes; Mr Tumble, Father Christmas, Scarecrows, Clowns, Mary Poppins, Jungle Book, the man with the Yellow hat in Curious George, the dark, dogs, most cats, Finding Nemo, men with facial hair, His great uncle Steve - the list keeps growing.

The fear is really disabling as he clings to me and starts crying uncontrollably and dragging me in the opposite direction. I have tried all sorts - short amounts of exposure, telling him its okay to be scared. It has got to the point now they asked me at nursery whether it was okay for them to make a small santa's grotto.

Sorry to go on but I just want to know that he is not the only one as when I speak to other mothers their kids just don't seem as fearful.

I have a particular problem about christmas as he doesn't want Father Christmas to bring any presents as he is not allowed in our house. I have told him that he will magic the presents into the house from outside but he has even toild me that that him and DS2 have decided not to have any presents this year. I mentioned decorating the tree this weekend and he said he didn't want a tree in our house.

Any advice / help would be appreciated.

[Twiglett]

I think you need professional help with such over-riding fears to be honest .. do you have a decent GP, can you talk to them about it

I wouldn't have thought that exposure therapy should be tried without an expert present

[chankins]

Is this fear new or has he always been scared of all these things ? What does he say he doesn't like about father christmas ? I can understand a lot of the fears - and kids do have lots of strange ones, but seems bit sad he's scared of santa, bless him !

[Twiglett]

Despite really believing you need professional help, a couple of thoughts spring to mind over how I'd deal with fears

1. Teach him strategies for monsters .. shout 'go away monsters, go away' and they have to go away
   
   
2. Bake biscuits in the shape of some of the more common ones .. like santa claus and bite their heads off etc
   
   
3. Teach him breathing exercises .. try holding out fingers (as candles) and he has to blow them out .. the aim is to get him focusing on breathing rather than fear ..

[Spoo]

Really?? I just thought it was a phase. I wasn't really doing exposure therapy but obviously when seeing a dog that the owner said was friendly I would find out the name and maybe pet it whilst telling him that this was a nice dog.

[Twiglett]

I think fears can be just a phase, but I've never experienced fears that are that all-encompassing or varied tbh .. it's just the way you described them

I didn't mean to worry you, sorry

[fruitymum]

Speak to your health visitor - she should have some techniques to help you to help him cope. Poor wee boy.

[Spoo]

He doesn;t really say why he doesn;t like him. I don't think it is that thought through. He hasn't always been fearful -d ogs is the main fear but our next doors dog once jumped up on him when he was smaller. It probably started less than a year ago - maybe around May time?

[Spoo]

No thank you Twiglett - I just wanted to know how normal it was I was debating contacting my very nice HV about it and see what she says.

[Spoo]

I mean. No. Thank you Twiglett.

[XAliceInWonderlandX]

my ds has very strange fears too
once was even so scared of the telletubbies windmill it went too fast!one min was happily watching next crying in fear
And the house with the face that talks petrifed him
he is also very clingy

[shimmy]

Agree with the others that this sounds quite a lot for you to deal with and to seek advice.

About the christmas thing why not just tell ds that you and his dad are getting him his presents instead of Father xmas? I guess he wouldn't worry if the pressies are from you.

[S1ur]

Agree with what has already been said, re: monsters though, when my dd started having fears of wolves I turned promptly to dp and said 'oh haven't you told her the special words then?' (cue quizzical looks and desperately quick thinking) dp said 'oh no I thought you had upshot our dd now has a special phrase that is guaranteed to send any monster/wolf/giant screaming.

Also she recently discovered that actually they like eating oranges more than children so that's ok then (just make sure there are plenty of oranges around...

I think several dcs have father christmas concerns, there's a book actually, mmm hold on I'll find a link. Its basically about a child who doesn't want fc to visit, writes a letter saying so I think, comes round to the idea a bit in the end!

[supervixen]

My DD has some fears as you have seen in my post lol, she is afraid of the cbeebies bedtime song and end credits of programs and sometimes black screens on the tv - dont ask me!

I think its just a phase. I think its good to remember that whatever they are like as kids most will grow up to be perfectly sensible, normal adults. I had a frend who used to lock himself in a cupboard and do all sorts of strange things hes know a musician who plays on stage. Oh im rambling but i hope it helps

[Spoo]

I will seek advice thanks everyone.

Shimmy - I know that it would be easier to say we got the presents but my DS2 would miss out a bit on the magic.

Slur - would love to know what that book is called.

LOL at cbeebies bedtime song - Supervix. I find that Chris quite scary too!

Sir Robert Winston says a fearful child has a good imagination and creativity- so look out world for our creative los.

[S1ur]

Got it!

A Message for Santa

scared of Santa book!

Phew, was worried couldn't deliver there for a moment

[Spoo]

Thank you all so much and for finding the book slur.
xx

[Spoo]

Just ordered it. Thank you Slur.

[dingdongmerrALYonhigh]

Try contacting a Children's Charity called Young Minds (you call and leave details and they get a qualified person to call you back). I called them re my DD who was very anxious about everything!

They gave me some good advice, listened whilst I bemoaned the constant sleepwalking/nightmares and being unable to cope with even some editions of Teletubbies age 5 or 6 (I kid you not) let alone the Disney movies that some of her peers were watching.

She is very creative and it is (apparently) to do with being unable to distinguish between real and pretend. She is still sensitive but can now play with balloons, watch some TV progs etc

Good luck

[Spoo]

Thank you ding dong. I will get in contact and I am glad your daughter is doing so well now.
Thanks