What's the right thing to do re DS#1's hair?

[OrmIrian]

Not sure if this belongs here or not.

DS#1 is 10. He likes his hair long - surfer dude sort of look . In summer that's great when he's tanned and wearing sleeveless t-shirts etc but IMO it looks odd in the winter especially with school uniform etc. Yesterday I took them all to have their hair cut and DS#1 went along reluctantly. It's now much shorter, but still not short. This morning he was very upset about his hair. I know I'm going to have this problem every time we get it cut.

I'm all for them having some freedom about what they wear and look like so should I just let him have that freedom with his hair too? I think he looks odd. DH isn't that keen either. He's also starting to get slightly greasy hair and always whinges about having it washed. And of course there's the on-going nit issue But should I let a 10 yr old make that decision for himself.

[IdreamofClooney]

Tricky one.

Obviously we want our children to look presentable but if it causes huge distress is it worth it? Presumabely the long hair thing is just a phase? One hopes?

My DS is only two and HATES having his hair cut - it grows so fast that it needs cut every four weeks or so. I have to do it myself as he would not cope with a hairdresser. I sometimes wonder if I should just leave it and let it grow longer but I like him to look neat (ish) and well cared for IYSWIM so keep his hair trimmed.

His Daddy (my ex) had v bed personal hygine (nice) and never gets his hair cut and just looks dirty and slobby so I am very aware that I don't want DS to turn out like that

[OrmIrian]

Thanks idream Was beginning to feel a bit sad for even posting this

I don't like short short hair on boys if I'm honest. I hate seeing little lads with bullet heads, and DS does have the most beautiful thick, soft golden hair....but....it only looks really nice just after it's been washed and if I'm honest I prefer him to look like somebody owns him iyswim.

[Troutpout]

Does he wash and comb it well by himself?
If so..i'd be tempted to let him have it how he wants. Would he just grow it and grow it? Is it that he wants long hair or just doesn't like having it cut iykwim.If it looks 'odd' then surely he'll start to get comments and maybe will want it cut?
I'd be tempted to let him have it how he wants and see how it goes...it may just be something he wants to try out.

[OrmIrian]

No he doesn't trout. Not unless nagged a lot. He is hopeless. And beleive me I've tried telling him that if he can't look after it he will have to have it cut short.

This is a child with a very idiosyncratic sense of style who really doesn't give a damn what anyone else thinks. Which is good in a way...but infuriating too.

[MerlinsBeard]

idream...ds2 has long hair(hes 2.5) and he is both neat and well cared for

[Spidermama]

Yes my 7 year old is the same. He won't let me cut it and it grows like a curtain over his face. He likes this.

I wouldn't and cvouldn't enforce any haircut though so I've started trying to get him to gel it off his face and do a neatening trim.

[ahundredtimes]

Well Orm then I think that is the deal to cut. Tell him he's entitled to have his hair how he wants, but as you are in charge you'd rather he didn't look like a total urchin.

He can have his hair long if he washes it and combs it on a regular basis. If he doesn't comply, then it's off to the barbers with him.

I like these kind of tough deals.

[cadelaide]

ds2, 16m, has long hair and dreadlocks at the back, you know, that bed-head thing they get.
He's a scruffy looking blighter and looks positively neglected.

[Troutpout]

mmm not sure then
ds is 10 and is appalling at looking after himself
He has aspergers and hates it washed combed or cut (sensory issues)
I therefore keep it really short...it's the only way...although he would prefer never to cut it or comb it.It's not about style for him as it is for your boy.
What about if you tell him you will let him have it long as long as he washes it by himself and combs it...and that if he doesn't do that then (after a warning) he has to have it cut.

[brimfull]

I think the washing of the hair needs your input but not the style.

I only have a 5yr old ds so have yet to come to that stage with boys.

With my dd who is 15 ,I do remember at age 10/11 she was a bit crap at personal hygiene.Soon improved dramatically though whne hormones kicked in .She now gets up ridiculously early to wash and groom herself.
So he will eventually care enough to wash it regularly without any input from you.

[mustsleep]

ds had a "bullet head" right up to the age of four and i always thought this was nicer for the summer as it kept him cooler (he' s a very sweaty child and his hair gets soaked ) bt now he will let me wash it more often (although this still takes quite a lot of coaxing although he is only five) he has it in like a modernish mohicahn (sp?)

personally i think it depends if the long hair is actually in any sort of style or not or just long and straggly - why don't you ask him who's hair he want it to look like (maybe he's seen someone in a band and wants it to look like their's)

at least if you knew the look he was aiming for you could get it cut more like that or in some sort of variation of that or veto ot completely

[OrmIrian]

I think I'd prefer plaits ruby.... so much neater...

His cousin who is now 15 used to wear his hair long and in a pony tail. So I think DS wouldn't consider that beyond the pale either.

[IdreamofClooney]

mum of monsters - sorry I didn't mean to imply that children with long hair were uncared for at all.

DS's hair is very messy and if it is not trimmed it just looks like a bird's nest (I have hte same problem myself - I get dreads at the back of my hair).

I do see other little boys with lovely hair much longer than DS's and think it looks great.

[cadelaide]

It's about the whole package though isn't it OrmIrian?
If the clothes are clean and the school shirts are white (not grey!)and hole-free I think it looks fine.
I like long hair on boys.