Concerned about having to babysit my niece - any advice, please?

[CarmelitaSpats]

Help!

Have namechanged as I'm known in RL by my normal nickname.

We're all going away in 3 weeks time for a week with my Sis, BIL and their DD for one of those spa/activity break things in the Lakes. Our DD will be 2.9, and theirs will be very nearly 2 by the time of the holiday.

Their DD is... I'm going to sound fearfully judgemental whatever I put, so here goes bluntly: She's clingy and has been since she was born, is never told 'no' and is constantly pandered to. Last time we visited (2 months ago) she slapped dd and pulled her hair to grab toys off her and was not told off by her parents. When I said (quite gently, I'm not an ogre) to her that 'we mustn't hit', she burst into angry howls and put her arms straight out for her mum, glaring at me. Her dad laughed and said 'oh, she's not used to hearing that she can't do something'... I said not to worry, children in their own house are always goign to be possesive aobut their toys, he laughed again and said 'oh, they say she's like that in nursery too'

Whlist I'm no advocate of leaving children to cry, she is never allowed to just get on with being grumpy, at the first hint of a whimper they are constantly picking her up and walking her around, giving her sweets/toys/whatever to jolly her along. I'm not sure she's old enough to be 'spoilt rotten' but she certainly comes over like that. I feel mean typing this...

Anyway, my actual dilemma is that they are far sportier than we are and while we are happy to mess about the pool/spa with DD, they want to go out and do the abseiling/boating/rock-climbing stuff and have asked us if we'd mind having their dd while they go.

I've said yes (otherwise it isn't really a holiday for them), but I am a bit concerned about my niece(dn?)'s potential behaviour. They were round at my parents last week and my dad said that she just roared angrily at them if they tried to pick her up, only her mummy would do, she wouldn't go to sleep, my poor sister ended up having to carry her around the whole weekend.

So I'm really not looking forward to this! The two children play well together providing no toys are involved - if dd has a toy that dn wants, she will pull hair/slap/scream to get it - but if she's so clingy at the moment, then am I in for several hours a day of hell?

Does anyone have any suggestions at to what I can do if she is like this with us? I've been soooo lucky with my own dd, she's never really been a clinger, or even particularly moody, so I have no coping strategies for this sort of thing!

(I'm sure I'm overreacting and she's going to be a perfect angel, but it would be nice to have some advice in advance, just in case!)

[fedupwasherwoman]

Make sure you get both their mobile numbers from them and then ask them to keep their 'phones switched on and about their person or in a handy place like a rucksack on their back.

If she plays up, ring them and ask them to stop what they are doing and come and get her.

I'm sorry to be harsh but they have "fed the monster" so to speak and if the way she is interferes with their enjoyment of the break they may take appropraiate action in the future.

[PrettyCandles]

You could also agree in advance how many times you will babysit her, and how many times they will babysit your dd. Make sure you've discussed with them the fact that she is very attached to her mummy and gets very distressed when left with others (eg what happened at her grandparents') and you really don't want her to be too upset by being left without her mummy too often/too long while on holiday.

[wildfish]

While she is with you its your rules. Treat her equally like you would your own. If they don't like it, they can babysit her. You xan teach her share and no hitting

[oranges]

Don't get into a situation where they just assume you take their daughter while they go off and do things. Outline a few hours or an afternoon when you will look after her, a few times during the week. I don't think you'll change her behaviour in a week, but make sure your own holiday is not ruined.

[wb]

Tough one. I think you'd be perfectly entitled to lay down a few ground rules, eg no hitting whilst she's under your care and agree w. her parents what action you will take if (when) these occur - removal from situation to calm down then an apology, or whatever. If they won't agree to this, then I don't honestly think you should feel obliged to look after her.

Toy sharing is always difficult and playing seperately with toys might be easier than trying to get them playing together w. the same toy. With rules about not snatching etc (although w my ds, if another child takes his toy and he's not bothered I must admit I turn a blind eye). Not much you can do about the clingyness, though.

I really doubt she spends her whole day at nursery hitting other kids and howling for her mum (at least I hope not) so I'm guessing she can behave 'better' when she knows its expected of her. Actually I feel quite sorry for her (but am also v. glad I'm not in your position).

[CarmelitaSpats]

We're back!

Thank you very much for all your advice, we had a really nice holiday. As advised we has a wee chat before the departure and it was agreed that it would be 'our rules' when she was with us.

Turns out that my niece is a lovely little girl until her mother is in sight, whereupon she becomes the aforementioned little iglet... Unfortunately this made all our 'together' time a bit fraught, but we got through it.

As soon as mum was out of sight (long, drawn-out departing scenes reminiscent of soppy Enid Blyton character in Malory Towers), she stopped screaming and was happy to play with dd. One pushing and one hair-pulling incident, but easily dealt with and no harm done.

Phew!