What is happening with DS's sleep behaviour???!! Help!

[CrookshanksinJimmyChoos]

DS is nearly 17months old. For months now his bedtime routine has been pretty easy. A cuddle, song etc. Lay him down and he used to cry for about 30 secs when you left the room and then settled to sleep.

Now, he just SCREAMS when you leave the room. We've tried a mini version of controlled crying - i.e 1 minute and then seeing to him, then leaving him again for 3 minutes but it just makes him worse and I do not ever want to do it again because I really think its upsetting for them.

What seems to be the thing is that he likes just having someone in the room with him until he falls asleep. He will look up from his sleep position, check that either myself or DH is there and when he's reassured we are, he snuggles back down again.

I've tried leaving a nightlight on as was worried he was scared of the dark, but that doesn't seem to be the issue.

Any hints/tips on this please? Could it be that as he's getting older he's just becoming more aware that he's in the room alone and finding it scary? That's another reason why I don't want to do CC again because if he is scared, then CC won't do any good....

Help!

Crooks

[DaddyJ]

Can I ask:
Is there any reason why you don't want to stay with him?

I do that with dd (for the day time naps)
for exactly the same reasons you outlined
and it works really well.

[CrookshanksinJimmyChoos]

Well, I don't have a problem staying until he falls asleep as I figure 10mins compared to an hour of trying to settling him is the better option...but...I've seen these parenting progs where the parents have ended up doing just that and they have ended up having to move a chair closer to the door each night to get them out of the habit, so I'm worried it may lead to more probs later iyswim?

[MaeWhooooohest]

I would sit with him crookshanks, esp if it is just 10 mins or so. Sounds like he just needs the reassurance. And isn't 18 months or so time for another bout of separation anxiety?

[CrookshanksinJimmyChoos]

Really? I didn't know that. I don't mind sitting with him at all - I love singing to him and patting his back etc, I just worry that it may lead to more sleep problems later on iyswim?

[MaeWhooooohest]

Not that I should be giving out advice as the mother of a crap sleeper myself (although seemly better of late, maybe we've turned a corner).

My technique is to go with what works at the time, and if it stops working, then change it. Mostly DS settles by himself now, but if he seems to want DH or me with him, then we do that. Sometimes he starts messing about, prancing about in the cot etc, so I leave the room, and he seems to get the message...

[CrookshanksinJimmyChoos]

lol at 'prancing around the cot'!

I think part of it is wanting an evening as well....especially when I've spent all day with him on my non-working days, I don't want a pantomime at bed time, but I guess thats all part and parcel of parenthood!

[DaddyJ]

That's exactly what I do: if after 5-10 minutes
I feel she is just larking about I give her a kiss and leave the room.
Happens very rarely, and surprisingly enough she does not erupt
in screams on those occasions but goes down by herself.

Important to let her know that she will get all the reassurance
in the world when she needs it but bedtime is bedtime.

[CrookshanksinJimmyChoos]

Right, so I will ride it out I think....we may have a solution though - DH was praying in his room tonight (we are both Muslim) and his presence reassured DS, he feel asleep and DH got his prayer done on time so that maybe the way to go from now on! lol

Was interested to see if anyone else had this problem though. You think it maybe separation anxiety type thing?

[Spoo]

What about sitting a few feet from the cot for a few minutes and then moving away a little and then a little more etc. Can't remember the name of this - the retraction method or something. I did this with my eldest and it seemed to work over a few weeks I was able to sit just visible just outside the door with a magazine and eventually I was able to walk away. Good luck.

[DaddyJ]

Gradual retreat/withdrawal, spoo.

lol at hidden benefits of prayer ritual! Mahshalah!

[CrookshanksinJimmyChoos]

DaddyJ! How do you know Mashallah?

[DaddyJ]

I am of Middle Eastern extraction, Crooks

[CrookshanksinJimmyChoos]

Oooh! My DH is from Damascus....its a lovely lovely place...have been twice and miss it loads!