my precious suicidal ds - is it OCD or what? Don't know whether to laugh or cry.

[shimmy]

ds2(8) has always been a darkly intense, very bright and passionate little bloke. Last night he was furious that dh didn't give him the largest portion of icecream (he thought) and so he tried to kill himself! He did this by standing on his head in order to 'crush his jugular'

Tbh he did look funny with his legs waving in the air but what horrified me was that he actually seriously was trying to hurt himself. If he does that to himself at 8 what the hell will he do at 18 (if he makes it that far )?

He has a strange obsessive-compulsive thing too - has to check the door is locked every night, wont ever taste new food, scared to eat anything that anyone else has touched.

so - what to do? play down the behaviour or take it ultra seriously? accept ds2 as he is or try to 'cure' him? laugh or cry?

[newlifenewname]

OCD is about an attempt to control things. Do you think he think she has enough independence in his life and a sense of control. It could be as simple as he feels out of control of his own success/failure, particularly if he is bright and thus there is unspoken expectation on him to be 'sparky'.

[cornsilk]

shimmy he sounds like a real individual! Lots of people need to check the door and are funny about food tho'.

[shimmy]

yes the control thing could well be part of it. He is the most stubborn person I've ever met. He's always had a tough time being out-shone by his older brother (not in our eyes of course).

[shimmy]

and cornsilk -thanks. He is definitely a very special individual

[TotalChaos]

agree with cornsilk - it may well just be a normal quirk. If it starts to get him down/really affect his life then look for help, otherwise just bear with it and encourage him to find other ways to deal with stress (talking to you or DH, exercise etc)

[ELF1981]

Shimmy, when I was younger, I worried a lot of people about some of the things I did. One thing obsessive was to ensure that no wires crossed when going to the sockets (I'd read this article about crossed electricity wires and took it wrong in my head) so I would go around the house and check that the VCR and TV cables did not cross going to the plugs for example. I'd also go around the house making sure that the curtains did not cover the plugs.
I dont do either of those now. I do have a regular routine before bed but I think you are best playing it down, but keeping an eye on it.

[shimmy]

I tried talking to him last night when he'd calmed down. We had a lovely cuddle and story time and then I said that hurting yourself is never the best thing to do if you are feeling angry because it just makes things worse. I said that it's always better to talk about how you feel etc etc.

Ds2 listened carefully and said 'yes, but I'm still going to kill myself.'

Does he just know how to press my buttons?

[shimmy]

thanks elf, that's interesting.

when he does his nightly door checking I don't tell him he's being silly or that he doesn't need to worry, I just let him do it and go back to bed. Do you think thta's the right approach?

[SixKindsofCrisis]

He does sound a lovely boy, and I like your description of him - 'darkly intense, very bright and passionate little bloke'.

I think that probably You oughtn't to worry too much about the 'suicide attempt'. It's likely that his understanding of death (though I'm sure it is quite advanced) is limited in the same way as his understanding of how to bring it about (by standing on head).

My ds1 once held his blunt penknife to his throat and said he would kill himself if I didn't tske him swimming. (The swimming trip had been withdrawn because of bad behaviour.)
I was really shocked of course but deep inside me my 'inner mummy' just knew this was nothing more than a badly judged attempt to control me. Luckily I didn't react to the threat at all, and so he's never ever pulled the same stunt again.

The book called something like Get Out of My Life But First Take Me and Alex into Town' is about teenagers so of limited relevance but it does have some very reassuring words about so called suicide threats that are really just clumsy bids for a reaction.
(Though would never want to diminish the real suicidal feelings that some kids do have, of course)

[meandmy]

could he be doing it for attention? i know my sister at age 8/9 had a thing for parecetemol and had several each day (saying headahces etc)
has anything happened recently to make him feel like this? i know when my mom re married i felt like this even though my real dad had not been there iyswim

[shimmy]

well the door checking thing is definitely a delayed reaction to a burglary we had a while ago but to tell the truth ds2 has always been a bit like this and I don't think anything in particular has happened to trigger the latest stuff.

[beautifulgirls]

I think a chat with your GP might be a way to go just to reassure yourself if nothing else. I really dont want to worry anyone here because the majority of kids who say things like this turn out to be normal well balanced adults, but my cousin tried to commit suicide (paracetamol) aged 8 for the first time. He had several subsequent attempts as he grew up and finally suceeded aged 29
No-one ever really took him seriously though obviously there were some very real and valid signs there through his childhood, but everyone assumed he'd grow out of those. I was just a kid myself through all this so I never had the chance to act, and as adults were had little to no contact at all so I was totally unaware of his state. There are always the what ifs in my head and perhaps that is why I write this in the hopes that if your son just happened to be one of the very very few that was like my cousin at that age, something can be done to make sure his life if far happier.

You have my full respect and good wishes for getting through this however you choose to handle it with him. I am sorry if I have worried you more than is comfortable - that is not my intention, but there is no other way to tell the story either.

[Spink]

Dh had all kinds of 'obsessions' when he was bt 7 and 12, which he gradually grew out of. Death is also a really common theme, in one way or another, for children to focus on. I suppose they have a sense of how significant it is, and this may be his way of exploring it.
Other people have said OCD is about control, and I guess that children at around that age may well be trying to find control in a world where they probably don't have that much (and rightly so, plenty of time for that kind of responsibility later on...)
IMO, the best thing to do is take a watch and wait policy, so do as you're doing and don't jump in with responses.. if he seems very distressed by it or it starts to seriously interfere with everyday life, you can ask your GP for a referral to a child psychologist, just for expert opinion. I'm not sure about asking GPs for advice, some are brilliant but if you have one who doesn't know that much about child psychological development, it could be really unhelpful.

[kevinsmother]

Depending on what services are like in your area, it might be a good idea to have a chat with your school health nurse to put your mind at rest.

[MaryAnnSingleton]

mmm, I'd watch and wait - don't go jumping on the OCD thing too quickly - lots of children go through these sorts of things I think - my own ds is similar - bright but sensitive and quirky - I catch him looking down the loo to see if he's dropped anything down there - he did also go through a phase of worrying that he might not 'make it through the night' and was a bit obsessed about dying, but I put this down to insecurity and upheaval after a house move to a completely new area. I have OCD from quite a young age and I do worry that I might've passed on stuff to ds but I try not to fret too much about any obsessions. Your ds sounds great Shimmy - I wouldn't worry !

[cookh01]

Although OCD is not probable, it is not impossible. However, OCD is about recurrent obsessional thoughts that drive repetitive behaviours. It doesn't sound like he repeatedly engages in the same behaviour each night. In OCD the behaviour functions to reduce the anxiety related to the 'worry thoughts', which is why they keep going. I would reframe his wish to kill himself as him feeling 'angry' about what happened before, but that's ok to feel angry and you're pleased he's alive and well and can talk about it. Have you a 'worry box' system at home or something similar to help him process his worries?
If you do go to the GP or the School Health Advisor, make sure that they take a detailed developmental history, which will help put his current behaviour in one context or another. It might also help to keep a diary of the behaviours you're worried about.