Angry baby - is this normal? - long

[Pennies]

DD2 is 20months. Since being born she has always been very vocal about what she dislikes. It takes nothing to make her scream with rage and until whatever issue has been resolved she just yells and yells. It can be the most minor thing - e.g. yesterday she had a total fit because DH cut her tomato. This afternoon was because her playdoh gingerbread man had marks on it that she created. If she doesn't get the particular sppon / fork she fancies at any particular meal, etc etc. In the morning she wakes up and instantly screams and screams until she gets her milk, and as she's always the first to wake it means that the rest of us are ripped out of sleep by her tantrum.

As a baby I was fairly resigned to that being just how she is but now she's starting to speak and can make herself understood very well for her age I'm begining to wonder if there's anything else going on. It's like the immediate obstacle she encounters provokes a tantrum bourne of frustration and rage the like of which I've never encountered. Her screams are so loud and her ability to go on and on is so great that we capitulate pretty much every time and the net result is that she rules the roost and that's not how it should be.

If I'm honest it is really marring my time at home with her. I dread her tantrums and today I found it hard not to scream at her as she's been really bad recently. Whilst I know I will never hurt her my instinct to flip my lid and really yell back at her is so strong that it scares me.

The flip side to this is that when she's calm and happy she is utterly amazing. We've noticed that when she is given one to one attention then she's an angel, but as I'm at home alone with her and DD1 I can't give her that all the time and come the weekend I need some space from her so she ends up yelling at DH.

Does anyone else have experience of this? Anyone got any tips of how to cope with this because it's really getting us (esp me) down. Should I be worried?

Got to go, she's seen I'm on the computer and that's always a catalyst for a complete meltdown.

Sorry so long.

[Pennies]

Any evening MNers with any help / advice?

[Notyummy]

She is quite little, so you are limited with 'discipline' techniques, however, have you tried some form of ignoring/time out style. It certainly wouldn't work straight away, but she only persist in the behaviour if it gets her what she wants. I don't mean leaving her to scream until she is sick, but ignoring and making a real fuss of other dc, saying'what a shame....xxx could be having cuddles/fun if she wasn't screaming. Or go about your chores and ignore (checking out of the corner of one eye that she is safe)

HTH

[Pennies]

I have tried letting her scream it out but she was still going strong an hour later. It was hideous. This has been the case each time we tried it.

If I try and concentrate on DD1 and do the "what a shame it is " routine she simply comes over to us and clambers over me / hits and persecutes her sister to get there, screaming at full pelt until she gets her cuddle / a whole tomato / matching socks / whatever...

I'm so truly weary of it

[dazedorconfused]

My dd was very similar - she had no middle ground. She was either an angel or a screaming banshee with no rev up in between!

She has largely grown out of it and is still very particular but doesn't have such tantrums.

As she could express herself more it seemed to help. But generally we tried to stick to the approach of ignoring. If she didn't want tomato cut by DH then no tomato. etc. We did introduce the dreaded naughty step at about 20 mths which worked really well. It only took one or two trips for just a minute each time before she decided it wasn't always worth the paddy. We would say, would you like to sit on NS while you cheer up!

Another one which worked well when she got older was asking her to shout louder. Whenever they start, say oh you can shout louder than that go on, dd is so obstinate she'd stop immediately and refuse!

It is so hard when you have such a strong little soul in the house but my dd is 3 now and very rarely do we have an outburst so stick with it! Failing that a G&T after they go to bed soothes!

[oneplusone]

My DD can be like this, perhaps not to the extent your DD is but if there's something not to her liking she'll scream/whinge and whine til it's sorted.

She's just turned 4 so a bit older than your dd. My DH and I have also noticed that she's an angel when she has one to one attention from either one of us and I am sure with her it is an attention thing, as I also have DS who is 15 months so DD has had to adjust to a lot less one to one attention and I feel sure that that is at the root of her screaming fits.

You say your dd has always been like this so it's unlikely the attentiion thing is the cause in your case.

I found myself almost trying to avoid my dd as she was so difficult and sometimes unpleasant to be around, but I have found that if I do make a point of giving her a fair amount of one to one attention each day her behaviour is better generally.

Don't know if that would help you but it's worth a try.

Good luck, I know how hard it is when you're at home every day with a screaming child.

[3andnomore]

Oh your dd does sound just like my ys...and I weould think that right now you are getting the worst combination...predisposition and it's "that" age...
must say, as time goes on it seems to become naturally easier....my ys is quite a pleasant little boy most times now

[Pennies]

Thanks for the replies - good to hear I'm not the only one. It seems that the only time she's really sweet is when she's got one to one with me, but her sister (who's not even 3 yet) is also always around so she always interfers when I try and get some quality time with dd2. DH can't help as he's at work 7am - 8.30pm and by the weekend I'm at the end of my tether and need space from them both.

She seems too little to discipline, and when I've tried the NS she just looks at me with a defiant challenge all over her face and we enter new and equally fraught territory in trying to get her to accept her 'punishment'. Also I feel it's sometimes unfair to punish her for just frustration tantrums because its like I'm telling her off for not being able to communicate well enough yet. I do use it for hitting etc, which is a whole other story.

[3andnomore]

oh, derfinately no punishment for tantrums, I would think....must say the best way for us was, when ds has a tantrum to leave him to it, as whilest he has the tantrum he would just get even more infuriated when we tried to sooth him....once he is all tantrummed out he will usually come and sob a bit and want a cuddle...the world is such a confusing place at that age.
I know it's hard though, especially when you have to deal with 2 young children and want to be fair on all...there is a 21 month agegap between my ms and my ys and I felt often stuck between a rock and a hard place, sigh!
My little monster took the whole tantrumming frustration thing to new levels though, as he often would breathhold, which is quite freaky....completely unvoluntarily by them, but so so scary
Like I said though, it will get easier, it really will