Please help, i'm running out of ideas to help Dd1

[Marne]

I have posted about dd1's problems on here before and hav'nt had much advice

Dd1 has a number of phobia's and obsesions, most of them we can cope with but she has a real fear of women which is prooving to be a huge problem.

In April i sent her to nursery 2 days a week (it did'nt go well), as she has a fear of women she found this very hard as she had to be around 6-8 nursery staff (who are female), during the term she was there she had nightmares, cried when she was at nursery and cried before nursery resaulting in her being sick, i spoke to the nursery who did'nt realy want to offer her/me any help, i had no choice but to take her out.

Since being at nursery her fears have got no better.
I took her to see my HV who refered her to a specialist, it took 2 months to get an appointment and then i missed it (stupid me)

We were hopping to get dd1 into a play-group/nursery in september. I have told dd1 that she will be going but she crys if i mention the word nursery/school/play-group and says 'she does'nt like laddies'.

I know i should be tough and just take her and i know she has to overcome her fears.

When she is around women she clambs up, cries and sometimes shakes with fear, this makes me so and i feel it is my fault as dh and i dont go out much and dont have many friends (she not used to being around people)

She has no reason (that i can think of) to be scaired of women, i just don't know where to go from here.

She is a very bright child and is lovely when shes at home but when we are out she turns into a fearful tearful wreck.

Sorry about the long post but i don't know where else to go for advice.

[Marne]

A bump

[meandmyflyingmachine]

You need to go back and get another appointment. Explain that it's urgent due to starting playgroup. Is she better if you are there with her? Is she amenable to being eased in gently that way, or is it too far gone for that? I do just tend to dump mine and run, but that's because I know they will be settled in a very short time, but it doesn't sound like that is the best approach for your dd. I would go back to the HV,or perhaps a sympathetic GP and sort out some help for her.

[bellaprincess]

Hi Marne

I am so sorry that your daughter and you are going through this. Have you contacted your HV for another appointment to see the specialist? Or you could go through your GP. How is she with other female members of your family.
I don't have much advice to offer only could you gradually introduce female strangers to her in a environment that she feels safe with other females she also feels safe with.

Hopefully someone will come along with better advice.

[Enid]

How old is she? Are you SURE it is just females or people generally. What is she like with 'strange' men.

What is she like at toddlers when you are there?

[meandmyflyingmachine]

That's a good point. Young children's experience of non-family adults does tend to be of women.

[oliveoil]

she sounds very sensitive to me, dd1 was just the same

not with ladies but lots of 'odd' fears, her current one is mushrooms on grass (??)

do you go to Toddler groups? maybe start to socialise a bit more when she has the comfort of you being there

In September, can you stay with her for a week (maybe help out in the background) ease her in?

I will find you a link for the Sensitive Child book, helped me (and lots more on MN)

[Enid]

Sorry Marne but [slapped wrist] for missing appt.

Can you not get another one?

[Enid]

Just to say that dd1 was like this (well she hated everyone not just women) and hated nursery so I didnt send her. For soem reason she assimilated really well at primary school even though I was dreading it.

[oliveoil]

this one

my copy is with Boco, if she has finished with it maybe she could pass it on

dd1 is stil v reticent socially, has to be eased in gently or huge meltdown ensues

[Marne]

Thank you for your replies,

Enid- she is totaly different with men, if a man comes to our house she will wrap herself around him and wont stop talking, if a woman comes into the house she hides and cries.

I am planning on easing her in slowly to pre-school, i will stay with her for her first day, the problem is getting her through the door

If i had my way i would'nt send her (maybe im to soft) but dh and my mother seem to think that she should go to prepare her for school.

Shes fine with other children as long as they dont push her around,shes fine at toddler groups as she knows she has'nt got to talk to any other females as i am there to take her to the toilet etc..
The only adult she talkt to a toddler group is one of the dads

other than me she only talks to my mum and my cousin (who we see alot)