Please help me

[Lazylou]

DD (3.6) is becoming out of control and I really don't know what to do with her anymore.

She has always been a bit of a headstrong handfull, but she has turned downright nasty over the last two weeks or so. Her new thing is throwing her toys around the house and by that, I mean picking up things like her bike and lobbing them in my direction, she has taken to smacking, biting and scratching me as well as whacking me with a ruler. I'm not over reacting when I say that it hurts! She screams, she throws tantrums, she slams doors in my face.

I have tried to ignore her, but I find it totally unacceptable that she should feel it ok to hit me or any other member of her family. I don't do smacking with her but I'm beginning to think I should just lately. Her new phrase is "I hate you, I want to kill you." which obviously makes me feel terrible.

I have tried shouting and screaming and that doesn't work either. She's been on a pudding ban this week for her behaviour earlier on in the week and this seemed to work well for 3 days before she was off again.

I've tried supernanny tactics, such as the step or chair but she just gets up and runs around and carries on with her reign of terror. I put her back, she screams in my face, kicks me and then runs around some more.

I've tried sticking her in her room, taking away her toys and refusing to take her to my mum's which is a big favourite of hers. I've done all the nicey nicey stuff, praising her when she is good, rewarding her and it doesn't seem to be working.

I don't know what to do, but I reckon I might lose my rag big time with her and end up doing something I'll later regret, like smacking her, which is something that I do not want to do.

Please help me

[policywonk]

Just a thought - it sounds as though you're using lots of different punishments/responses (ignoring, shouting, pudding ban, naughty step, putting in room, toys taken away...) Maybe you need to pick just one or two of these, whichever you think would be most effective (probably not the shouting tho ) and stick to those? It might help her to make the connection between actions/consequences.

Sorry you're having such a hard time. They can be buggers at this age...

[babyblue2]

I shall keep an eye on this thread. DD nowhere near this but has minor similar tendencies. Just waiting for this to occur in years time. Hope you get some response.

[cherrycake]

Ooh you sound desperate.
In the past I have found bribary works, rightly or wrongly. Is there anything you could buy her as a massive treat, or somewhere to visit where she would love to go.....together with a back to basics sticker chart, might help? Start with a small treat after 3 stars, something else after 6, then the biggie after 10. Maybe then your phase may subside a little...
But mine are always worse when not sleeping well or enough, or eating enough. Is she ok on those counts?
Good luck, and hang on in there!!
x

[Lazylou]

You could be right PW and the thought has crossed my mind on more than one occassion. Trouble is, I'm rapidly running out of ideas. I'm a nursery nurse by trade and I find it so much easier to deal with these issues in other children. I am finding it so difficult with DD though.

What makes it harder is that she comes to work with me and tends to play up there too so I have to change my responses to her because of the environment I am in. I can't put her in a room on her own there like I can do at home so she is getting confused I supposed with all the consequences.

[mambach]

Hi Lazylou! I agree with policywonk that you have to be consistant, choose which tactic you think will work best with her and stick to it. You will need LOTS of will power to keep calm and stay strong, but WILL work. Time out in another room, where she is safe, but can't run off would start off and then gradually build up to thinking step. I think you also need back up from friends and family too. Not just for you but also to show your DD that everyone is doing the same thing, so wherever she goes, there is a particular behaviour that is accepted and one that will certainly NOT be tolerated. Is that any help....far easier said than done, I know, but you can do it....you've stayed calm so far.

[Lazylou]

Thanks CC. Yep, she is sleeping fine and eating well (actually its been better since we stopped the pudding thing!) I have tried to think about something it could be but there hasn't been a change in routine or anything that I can honestly think of that could cause it in the first place.

[mambach]

Sorry crossed messages

[Lazylou]

Thanks MB. I think I will have to really think about the consequences for her behaviour and maybe try a couple on for size rather than the variety we've got going on now.

You've all been fab, thanks!

[policywonk]

Have you thought about putting her in a different nursery? She'll qualify for vouchers from September, won't she? It must be hard having to be a professional person and a mother simultaneously - a tough position for anyone I'd have thought. (My mother taught at the college where my bro and I did our A levels, but she insisted that we were not actually put in her classes. She told me recently that the years we were there were the most miserable of her teaching career, because she didn't fell she could do both things really well at the same time.)

If that's not possible, could you get one of the other staff to deal with her? Or, pick one punishment - maybe a smiley/frowning face chart would work best at nursery, with appropriate incentives/punishments according to how many of each - for use at nursery, and then you can use something different at home if you wanted.

How would the nursery be dealing with her if she was just another child? They must have a disciplinary code?

[SleeplessInTheStaceym11House]

lazylou, sorry youre aving such a hard time, my dd hasnt got to the nasty stage yet but i do understand the frustration behind it all!

try the sticker chart someone else mentioned, they seem to work wonders, had a big thing about bedtime and eating with dd and the sticker chart lasted less than a week (she forgot about it) but te behaviour stayed! i know its hard to stay calm but its the best thing!

if my dd were to hurt somebody id send her away until she coudl come back and say sorry and play nicely, she hates being on her own so this works well, maybe it might for you!

good luck!