Am totally exhausted, need some MN pep talking to

[tortoiseSHELL]

I am shattered atm - cannot keep my eyes open. Any advice on how to deal with the following?

DS1 - age 6, insomniac. Last night he went to sleep at 11pm, despite going to bed at 8.30. Sometimes he is very good and reads , last night he was up and downstairs constantly, with demands, requests, 'I'M LONELY', 'I FEEL SICK'.

Dd - age 3.10. She is generally very good, but has had a virus this week, and is very tired/whingey/clingy. Never leaves me alone.

Ds2 - age 13 months. He still isn't sleeping through the night - will be up anything from once to 5 times in a night. Also shrieks constantly, seemingly just for attention - it feels like it will shatter my eardrums!

Any suggestions? I just want to hide in a hole for a few days, to recover!

[whomovedmychocolate]

You must be a saint not to have locked them in the cellar by now!

ds2 - ignore his shrieks, he's probably enjoying the attention.

dd will get better soon, give her TLC and understanding.

ds1 - look at his routine, he's old enough to build a sleep chart with stickers for staying in bed - don't be too proud to bribe the little monkey into staying in bed. He is probably very tired.

Any chance you can get a few nights off by getting someone else to look after them while you stay somewhere else?

[tortoiseSHELL]

whomovedmychocolate - thank you for your reply! When I'm feeling in control of things, ds2's shrieks don't bother me, when I'm shattered they drive me absolutely nuts. He is particularly good at shrieking JUST at the point that I am dropping off to sleep. He times it to perfection.

Ds1 - we've tried sticker charts, but he doesn't care about them really - he'd rather forgo a sticker (or whatever the bribe is ) and still get up all evening. We just have no time to ourselves.

There really isn't anyone who can help in the evenings - dh is really helpful, but basically if ds2 screams, I have to sort him out as he is still b/feeding (another reason I'm still tired) and he won't settle without a feed. My parents live 300 miles away, dh's mum is 200 miles away, no-one else who we can turn to really. It's really hard with no family support nearby!

[tortoiseSHELL]

.

[ellis65]

Buy a big bed, and you can all enjoy some peace!!

[suzywong]

[TheArmadillo]

what you need is a role of masking tape, several small sets of manacles and some ear plugs just incase they get the masking tape off.

Then open a bottle of wine sit back and enjoy the peace and quiet.

If your ds1 doesn't respond to sticker charts could you try it the other way round and take away one toy for every night he doesn't stay in bed.

[whomovedmychocolate]

Perhaps your son needs more attention and getting up at night is his way of getting it. Could you have a morning focused on him perhaps as a reward for staying in bed. Where you do what he wants?

[tortoiseSHELL]

Hmm, not sure about the attention - I think he just can't sleep - even if he stays in bed he is awake for ages. He does get quite a lot of attention, and when he's not at school we do lots of things he likes together.

[Slubberdegullion]

Sorry to hear you're so knackered. I have been there (although not with a 6 year old yet). Sleep deprivation is just the worst, makes being a 'good enough' parent (and that's all I strive for most days) extremely difficult.

I suppose you need to decide which of your sons you are going to sleep train first. Doing both at the same time would be hard work!

I would probably go for your ds1, as you say you have no evenings to yourself and that is awful (ie no you time), and no time with your DH.

Is there not something your ds would really really like that you cannot 'work' towards him getting with him staying in his room/bed when you have put him to bed. Also can't you enforce a strict lights out time (not sure what is appropriate for a 6 year old).
I know both my two would be bouncing about into the early hours if the light is left on, when it is turned out It's sleeping time NOW!!

Work out a strategy with DH (& DS), stick to it ridgidly (your ds need to see that you are a united front and you are not going to cave in). Be calm and consistent and I'm sure after a few nights of hell you will have cracked it.

Then you can get started on ds2

HTH

[finknottle]

Sympathize as have an insomniac ds1 too. Always was & is still now aged 10. Emergency solutions when he was 6, ds2 was 3 or 4 and dd a baby was to force myself to not get annoyed about his sleeping habits. I let him stay up if he wanted to, reading or cuddling up to me on the sofa so I could at least bf dd and read to ds2 while ds1 swanned around feeling v grown up and indulged. After a few nights it eased off - varied after that but it took the pressure off as there was one less battle and I was less fraught so had more energy for the other two.
Long term is another matter but often letting him do (and sometimes helping him with) Big Boy Things that only he was allowed to made him all chuffed and generally eased the stress.
It will pass, honest!

[TooTicky]

Perhaps your ds1 really isn't tired. Some children need less sleep than others. But I agree that a huge bed would give you all more rest.

[tortoiseSHELL]

I think he really isn't tired - he still gets up in the morning, and never stops jumping around!

Slubberedegullion - I think you're right, sleeptraining is needed, but in the case of ds2 I think he needs to be totally off b/feeding first, and I don't want to stop feeding him before his MMR, which is next week.

finknottle - he does have some 'eldest privileges', which he enjoys - he goes to bed long after the other two, but he has always (since being a very little baby) had problems getting to sleep - we've probably not helped him learn how to sleep, so it's probably my own fault!

[finknottle]

It's not your fault I could write a PhD thesis and bore for {insert country of your choice} on Babies & Children and Sleep... I went through every emotion from teary to truculent. Ds1's still an insomniac. I still love him to bits and I still worry about him not getting enough sleep. Ds2 will go to bed because he's tired, that's so strange!
I honestly found myself tensing up in the evenings especially like you when I was extra tired cos someone was ill & clingy and I seemed to turn into Screechmum. Then letting go was sooo liberating. Just takes a while to get in the knack! Sometimes you can only deal with one thing at a time. Altering sleep patterns takes time and energy and you don't have that right now. Concentrate on survival
Haven't been around MN much lately but your thread hit such a chord...

[tortoiseSHELL]

Thanks finknottle! It sometimes feels like a black tunnel doesn't it, without a glimmer of light!

[finknottle]

For so long I couldn't envisage any other life. Now I have. It's bliss. Just wait

[tortoiseSHELL]

ok then!

Those who suggested a bigger bed - we've just bought new bedroom furniture, including a new bed, which had to fit our double mattress, so we're stuck with a double.

[carocaro]

sod off for the night on your tod or have a ful night sleep in a spare room, no disrurbances whatsoever, I have 2 and DH away Mond - Fri and I have a WHOLE nights sleep on Friday night, I got to bed at 9pm and get up at 9am. It is THE only way I stay sane and recharge my mentally fried head and shattered body.