opinions please! should I use a star chart for a food issue?

[kitbit]

ds (2.4)is a rubbish eater and always has been. Despite us hoping that staying for his lunch at nursery with his friends every day would help, it hasn't, he's now been staying for lunch for nearly 3 months. He occasionally tries a bit of something but mostly eats absolutely nothing. And it's the same at home, he has had the same repertoire of about 4 foods for nearly a year and not all of them are as healthy as I would like! But he eats with his eyes, and if he doesn't recognise it he won't touch it. Have tried EVERYTHING. I put peas on his plate every day for 4 months. Still refuses to touch them. I disguise, mash, fold, tuck, blend, dip etc etc. Have tried proper meals, snack trays, grazing, eating on the hoof, TV, no TV, finger food, fork food, feeding himself, eating with him, giving from my plate...even working on the idea that children don't starve themselves (that was fun, he didn't eat anything for 4 days) Nothing works .

So... as he is now getting to the stage with his communication where I think he might be able to understand and respond I wondered about starting a star chart or similar. I thought I could award a red star for effort if he does anything that is a step up from the usual pushing the plate away and frantic head shaking, any positive reaction would earn a star. So, any trying of new food is rewarded with a red star and if he eats a few mouthfuls or more he gets a gold star. Stars add up to treats.

But typically I am now overanalysing and wondering if I am setting up a situation where he will expect rewards for doing things that are actually expected. Or am I just teaching him that hard work and effort earn rewards and nice things?

What do you all think of star charts? Is it a good incentive or the slippery slope to bribery and corruption? Is he too young? And is this making too much of an issue of the food thing? Is it bad bad bad to make food such an issue?
He starts preschool in Sept and will be having his lunches there, where they are expected to eat with the others. If he doesn't eat anything he will definitely not make it through the day!

Does anyone else have a child of this age that spends all day in a nursery type environment but eats pickily? Any thoughts?

HELP

[wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe]

What does he eat? I know you say he?ll eat ?nothing? but is he actually eating nothing? If you make a list of everything he eats over a week, it?s possible that he does eat more than it seems iyswim.

It?s difficult. On one hand it?s important to not make too much of an issue of food, i.e. not getting cross when he doesn?t eat etc, but on the other hand, if his diet is so limited that he doesn?t have a healthy diet at all, it is important to try and establish a more varied eating patern, as ignoring it altogether can lead to him being a picky eater for life. And I speak from personal experience, I went through a stage as a child of only eating dry shreddies, and my mother indulged this habbit as she felt it was better I ate that than nothing at all, also a gp had told her just to let me have what I wanted and I would grow out of it. I did, but I am still a very picky eater, eg don?t eat much fruit/veg etc.

Most children won?t starve themselves, but there are some who will, so it?s important that your ds has at least some of the things he eats in his daily diet while you are trying to introduce new things.

Here?s what I would do:

I would let him have whatever he normally has for breakfast, as breakfast is the most important meal of the day and he will not function properly without it. But if he eats cerial for instance I would try and change the cerial he eats, i.e. if he normally eats coco pops try rice crispies, or even do a half/half where you mix cornflakes with wheatabix or similar. That way he has tried something new but something which isn?t altogether scary as it?s only a cerial. And if he eats it I would reward this, eg sticker/star/marble, and lots of encouragement. I wouldn?t force him to eat it, if he doesn?t eat it remove it without comment. At this point I would remove snacks from the equasion unless they?re healthy ones. If he?s not eating proper food then he shouldn?t be filling up on biscuits as these will keep him going and he can refuse his meals in the knowledge there will be a snack later. Not by any means implying that you fill him up on biscuits but I know how easy it is to give in and let them have a biscuit when they?re hungry.

From then on I would give him something new at every mealtime. And as he seems extremely anti new things, I would reward him touching the new food, then sniffing it, then licking it, and ultimately putting it in his mouth and eating it. This may be a slow process, but if you persevere it will get better.

It would be helpful to know what foods he currently eats, as you could introduce things that are close to the current foods to start with, eg if he eats only white bread you could introduce brown bread and then go on to pastry etc iyswim.

hth

[TeeCee]

Good post wannabe.

[WideWebWitch]

Have only skimmed but I think yes to star charts but no to having them for food.

[kitbit]

WBWIWB, thanks for the reply! You're right, wasn't very clear - at breakfast he will eat cereal, no problem. Lunchtimes in the week he is at nursery and eats nothing at all. Teatime at home he will eat cream cheese, breadsticks, toast, oven chips, chips dipped in egg as long as I then dip in ketchup as well, apples, pears, strawberry yogurt. He also likes these little folded pastry things the local spanish bakery does, with tomatoes and veg inside in a tomatoey sauce. Of course, v happy to eat crisps, chocolate, biscuits and icecream so I give them to him very rarely. Drinks cows milk happily but hates water or any type of juice. I do give him vitamins as I worry about him not getting enough nutrients.

If he's hungry between meals I try and get him to have a drink or fruit if possible.

[TeeCee]

Doesn't sound too bad to me tbh. I know it's horrid when it's your kids and you feel they aren't eating enough. But is he malnorished? I bet the answer is no, and he';s jusy a bit fussy about his food likes and dislikes. Bit by bit introduce new things. He may well refuse thigns 5 times over then suddenly he'll decide he'll try it and before you know it he'll have 5 new things he'll eat and then another 5 and so on. Just don't stress him or you. MAke mealtimes fun. MAke things into faces and pictures, play games. Let him pretend to be an animal or a soldier or robot or dinosaur and say come on dinosaur this will make you big and strong etc, or play the 'i'm going to leave the carrot here whatever you do don't eat it' game and then when he does take a bit do mock shock horror and tickle him and so on. Make meals fun and realy try and not worry. xxx

[kitbit]

thanks TeeCee WWW and wannaBe. I think I am stressing a bit as he will be off to preschool in Sept (I know it's a while off, but he's been like this with his food for about 14 months!) and I am worrying about him making it through the day running on empty, and also about him eating in a preschool environment where they may not have the time or manpower to be as gentle or as fun with his mealtimes.

He isn't undernourished, no you're right, and the paed did say he was healthy too. I guess I'm just fretting about long term implications and wanting him to not grow up picky. And of course, to be OK at school.

Am also fretting that he only likes drinking from bottles and hysterically refuses any other drinking vessels... but that's another thread I guess!

If there are any more thoughts floating about out there I'd really welcome them!

[TeeCee]

Listen, I was the most fussy eater int he world as a kid and now I'll eat anything and everything, I lvoe my food, a little too much maybe!

And my 15 month old who is a great eater refuses to drink her milk from anything other than an avent bottle. Water she'll sip from anything, milk has to be from a 'baby' avent bottle. I'm not sweating it, I'll need those bottles at soem stage after I finish feeding the new baby (not due till Sept) so I'll worry about that when I have to nearere the time!

It';s so easy to get anxious over our kids diets but really, he's doing ok, he's healthy and he'll suddenly surprise you by eating something he wouldn't touch before.

In the meantime, just try your best not to stree and really try and have fun at the table with the food and mealtimes.

xxx

[kitbit]

Thanks TeeCee, you really think his diet doesn't sound too bad???!!?? He has a little friend who comes to play quite often, her mum is constantly saying "ooh he doesn't eat much does he?" and "I'm so lucky, she eats EVERYTHING"... or "is that all he's having?", "toast again?" ...aarghhhhh!!!!!!!

Maybe I'm just letting it get to me because it is the chink in my calm mummy armour!

[TeeCee]

I hate it when people say and do things like that.
I really don't think his diet sounds that bad, I've heard a lot, lot worse. And it will get better. Okay so he's not the type that will eat anything and everything, but he's so not alone. There are hundreds of threads on mumsnet alone on this topic. My DD would like on a diet of toast alone if I let her, but luckily she doews also eat other stuff. However she's got picky too and has her 10 favourite things and I just mix them up abit. DD2 eats really well in comparison to DD1. But what she does eat is healthy and she is healthy and happy so.....

[mcnoodle]

Kitbit

You have my sympathies. Ds 22 months has been fussy since his 1st birthday.

I was getting very very upset and stressed about it - to the point where I really shouted at him a couple of times .

After a long long chat with friends mum (whose son only ate weetabix and banana until age 2.5) I decided to go with the flow. Feed him three meals a day of the things that he likes. Always let him have healthy snacks if he asks for them. Take all the pressure out of the situation. Have been doing this for about three months and I've noticed a big change in his eating. He's starting to try some new stuff and at least enjoying his favourites. Is currently obsessed with cucumber!?

One thing that took pressure off (in terms of my worry about nutrition) is serving up pizza and cramming as many veg into the sauce as poss. If he eats that a couple of times a week I no longer care if he lives on cucumber, grapes and porridge rest of the time.

He goes to nursery twice a week and does eat there, but often comes home hungry. Your ds will get through the day and it may even encourage him to try something new.

And I feel cross on your behalf re friends comments frankly. You need support, not criticism.

[kitbit]

thanks girls, am going to try and chill out about it more. Think I will abandon the star chart idea for this particular thing as I don´t want to build it into a control issue or anything.
Thanks for the good advice