20 Month Old DS- Hitting, wacking and kicking , any solutions please?????

[Uki]

My mostly sweet 20 month old ds is obsessed with wacking and kicking dh and I when he doesn't want to do something, mainly go to bed.

We have tried and tried time out, but he raely gets it and just starts hitting us again. I know he is frustrated and probably overtired, but I can't give in to him all the time can I???
Does anyone have any other ideas, or has anyone come out the other side of this behaviour. I really hope it will pass and he is not going to grow up violent or something?

[MiaWallace]

I think at that age your ds is too young to understand the concept of timeout.

I think you just need to tell him, in a firm voice, that he is shouldn't be hitting. Don't shout, but show control so he understands you are the one in charge and that it's not a game.

I don't think you need to worry about him growing up violent, he's just at the age where he is trying to push his boundaries.

[Miaou]

Uki, it's a phase, don't worry about it being indicative of teenage hooliganism . My 19m old ds, when tired and cross, has a habit of trying to kick me when I change his nappy. I say "NO!" in a loud and low voice (not shouting), hold his feet and look him in the eye. Repeat as necessary. For us I know time out wouldn't work yet as he wouldn't get it so I am saving that for later

The other thing to to is to try and pre-empt the tiredness - at this age children find it so difficult to control their emotions when they are tired. Maybe he needs to go to bed a little earlier, or have a more structured "wind down" routine, so that he knows he is working towards bedtime. Ds has tea with us, then has a little quiet play, then a bath, then goes up to bed. If he is particularly tired we might bring it forward a bit, which seems to help.

[kitbit]

agree he's a bit young for timeout, think it would just confuse him especially if he's tired and not really paying much attention to anything outside his own head when he does it.
My ds was the same, went through a phase like this for about 2 months and in hindsight we put it down to communication, he was just starting to get to grips with some words and getting his point across but wasn't quite there yet and it was really frustrating him. We tried a bit of sign language, and really really practised some words with him to try and get through the frustrating as soon as possible. Suddenly all in the same week he stopped being so stroppy and started using some words.

In the meantime we did something fairly similar to Miaou, if he hit I would crouch down to his eye level and hold both his hands firmly by his sides and say "no" very firmly without shouting, and shake my head slowly. Then say "you may not hit mummy", pause and stand up and move away. If we were playing with toys I would lift him away from the toy and do it, to interrupt and get his attention. The abrupt stop then me getting up away from him seemed to work, might be worth at try!!

Oh, and we introduced the "countdown" at this point as well - "ds, (wait till have full attention) 5 mins till storytime"...then "3 mins..let's put the cars away now" then "1 min" then "off we go! say bye bye to the cars, bye bye pussycats" etc etc. Warning him then doing a removal ritual type of thing seemed to help so that he could prepare and not be surprised by a sudden change.

Doesn't last for ever, honest

[Uki]

Thanks for the help
mia, miaoua and kitbit. Some really great ideas and I think it is a language thing too, he can't quite express enough words yet. I will try some sign and more words.

I do the "no" eye level firm voice and all that, but he just hits and kicks more usually, so I've had to resort to time out or he will follow you and wack you. really not nice

Miaou-he does also have a strict bed and nap routine but always has fought it, if he goes to bed earlier it just takes twice as long.

This has helped thanks, any other ideas most welcome.

[TheodoresMummy]

This all sounds very familiar....

I would agree with others that he is too young for time-out. I would say that the serious low voice is the way to go.

My DS would not SEEM to respond to this though, so I would get more cross the more he hit (used to follow me like you say) and end up using the naughty step or YELLING !! This was a great game for him and taught him nothing but 'how to lose your temper when things don't go your way' and that 'if you push hard enough, Mummy will lose it'....

The one thing I have learned is don't so much TELL them what to do, SHOW them....

(easy for me to say though, just coming out of that phase I think)