I can't cope with ds and I don't know what to do

[dunkeydorey]

I seem to have posted on here countless times over the years about ds and how difficult I find his behaviour.

I feel terrible saying it, but he is the most miserable kid I have ever met. He cries as soon as he wakes up, at regular intervals during the day and the minute he comes out of school. There is always some imagined slight or injustice that starts him off and it is exhausting.

After having another nightmare school pick up where I felt like I was going to explode through sheer frustration, I went to grab him and in a completely cack handed way managed to bash him on the side of his face. He is now, quite rightly, complaining that I've hurt him and now I feel guilt on top of everything else.

I just don't know what to do with him. I have spoken to the school nurse and they referred him to cahms but I haven't heard anything. My HV used to be sympathetic and said she felt that ds didn't know his place in the family and that he couldn't handle the lack of attention he got from his dad.

I know part of the answer is to give him more attention, I just can't do it though. I have 3 other kids and I'm a single parent and I find it difficult enough getting through the day.

I can't talk to my ex, he is bloody useless. I can't talk to my mum as I know she will agree with me and say how annoying he is, and I don't want to hear that. I just know that I can't carry on like this anymore, I am worn out with it all. He's 7 btw and he's been like this since he was 18 mths.

[dunkeydorey]

Doesn't take long to disappear off active conversations does it? Anyone?

[Mumpbump]

Don't have any relevant experience, but sorry you're feeling like this...

[crystalpony]

I'm partially in the same boat as you, started a thread about it yesterday. My dd (4) is extremely hard work and very hard to get on with so I know how you feel to some extent although I have no other children and I do have a husband (though not always convinced that's a plus)

All I can say is that you're not alone and I am just resolving to be as positive and determined to make this family work as I can, even if it means cracking down a lot on her misdeanours and really playing up the positives until she realises what's acceptable. (This, I anticipate could be my life's work!!!)

She is grumpy too, but I've realised that it's not my fault, she just isn't a person who copes well with any adversity at all and that is just the way she is - it shouldn't reflect on me.

Good luck xx

[crystalpony]

Sorry, I meant misdemeanours, obvs

[dunkeydorey]

Thanks for replying CP. You seem to be coming to terms with your dd's situation, I only wish I could be so accepting. Just feel fed up with everything.

[DeviousDaffodil]

Could your mum have the 3 others for an hour or two so you can have some special time with ds. Find out why he is so unahppy?
HAve you talked to his teacher?
Maybe a referral to Ed psych?

[dunkeydorey]

My mum might be willing to look after the others on a Saturday for me, I'll have to see if I can sort it out.

I have asked ds what's wrong on many occasions, but he doesn't give me anything concrete to go on. Sometimes he will mention that he'd like his dad and I to get back together, but he was like this before we split up so I don't think that is the root of the problem.

I have sort of spoken to his teacher. Ds has been subject to some bullying and I was upset when i spoke to his teacher about it, she now thinks that I'm neurotic and hyper sensitive.

I think I will have to chase up the school nurse and see what happened about his referal to cahms. Thanks DDaff.