DS's aggressive behaviour shocked me today... help

[Rantum]

My DS (just turned 2yrs) has always been a very active, boisterous boy and is also quite big for his age (looks more like 3 yrs) and is at the age when he REALLY doesnt understand sharing. We were at our Mother & Toddler Group today and (while I wasn't looking) he apparently grabbed a little girls hair and yanked it really violently when she came near toy he was playing with. The girl's Grandmother was rightly upset and told me about it - I took the car away from him, told him off in front of the girl - and then immediately took him home - he KNEW he was in trouble and cried all the way back. When I got home (this is VERY unusual for me) I immediately started to cry - I felt ashamed that my son had behaved that way as he has never been so vicious before (although he does have an assertive personality) and I also felt (rightly or wrongly) that his behaviour was a reflection on me - even though I know it is not behaviour that we tolerate or encourage at home. I know that the fact that the Grandmother was so cross (it almost seemed directed at me rather than my son's behaviour)was partly why I was upset. Now I am worried about going back to the group because it is very hard to keep my eyes on him every second that I am there, but it is my only respite from constant childcare all week. Any thoughts?

[Scootergirl]

We have a little boy a bit like that at our toddler group and most people understand that toddlers are like that sometimes and it's nothing to do with the parents.
You did exactly the right thing telling him off and taking him home IMO and I wouldn't worry about going back.
You can't stay at home on your own all week - you'd go bonkers! Do you have any other friends in the group who could help keep an eye out for your DS?

[Rantum]

Yes, my friends do try to keep an eye on him, but it is a really busy toddler group - sometimes 20-25 under 3s running around - so it can be chaotic for everyone.

[Troutpout]

Aww... bless you and him.
hes only little.... So many go through this at this age...it's just a phase though..it will pass.
It's wasn't malicious... he's not bad..it was just a spontaneous thing.
You did all the right things...but sometimes grandmothers aren't the most understanding of the behaviour of litle ones imo.I would have felt nothing but sympathy for you if i'd had been there...i know how hard a feeling that is.
Of course you can go back...you will have to watch him like a hawk though!.
If it continues i would have a break...and go back when he's moved on a bit

[Rantum]

Thanks - yes I think I may go back - unfortunately i am one of the organisers of the group so I often have to take my eyes off him to organise tea and coffee and stuff - i may need to give that side of things a break until he calms down a bit - thanks though - i feel really silly cos I know it isnt a real problem

[Twiglett]

do you know what does reflect on you?

what reflects on you is the way you handle a situation when its pointed out to you

and you handled it perfectly .. well done

he's 2 .. he's got no idea about malicious intent .. all he knows is I want that

and you're teaching him not to do that

well done you

and of course you go back next week .. I would be horrified if any mother didn't

because .. and here's a secret .. we ALL go through this .. we ALL recognise it ... it passes with time and good parenting ... you've given it the latter already

[Twiglett]

oh and if you're only doing this thing each week then can you look for more toddler groups / library things you can go to .. because believe me .. you need this

[mrsflowerpot]

Poor you. Remember 2 things though:

1. They all do it at some point. All of them, every single one of them, snatch/grab/pull hair/push etc at some point when they are this age. He is not being nasty, he's 2 and he doesn't know that it's not socially acceptable to pull hair . It is how you deal with it that matters and you dealt with it just right.

1. Grandmas are much worse than mothers when it comes to being outraged on their precious grandchildren's behalf. Mums will usually be very forgiving and just thanking their lucky stars that their child wasn't the pusher/hair puller that time. Grandmas have a tendency to go on the offensive.

Don't let it stop you taking him. It's good for both of you if you enjoy it there.

[Rantum]

Yeah thanks - I think I was having a spell of self-doubt - the kind that plagues us all I guess..

[Glassofwine]

Twiglet is absolutely right, don't worry

[Twiglett]

if it helps a 2.3 year old pushed my DD (2.8) off her chair and then scratched her cheek and drew blood yesterday because he wanted her blankie .. he can't have her blankie .. she made that clear as she poked him in the eye

[totaleclipse]

I really know how you feel, but try to go back next week.

this is what happened to me

[bubblepop]

hiya, this is normal toddler behaviour! you did exactly the right thing, you told him you were not happy and removed him from the group.it'l probably happen a few more times yet before he gets the message. now get yourself back there next week and smile sweetly at grandma and forget it ever happened!! ps, my ds1 used to go round biting everyone

[WideWebWitch]

Normal for 2yo totally, agree with Twig, don't worry, absolutely don't, really. He doesn't mean to be malicious and it's no reflection on you.

[Rantum]

wow totaleclipse - sounds like you were dealing with a total b ! The grandmother in my situation was just very indignant and had a way of making me feel inadequate, but she wasnt malicious - im so sorry for your situation!