I may sound silly - but has anyone had experience of 4 month old crying at everyone but her mum and dad?

[justJAM]

I know this sounds like a stupid thing to be upset about but I really am
DD has started to cry when people talk to her (she is 19 weeks tomorrow) I wouldn't be too upset but she is doing it to mum and dad (who are lovely BTW) I live far away from friends and family now but my mum and dad try and come every weekend to see DD. They missed a week a few weeks ago and now the last two weekends DD has cried even when they look at her
I feel it's my fault as not knowing anyone where I live it's often DD, DH and most weeks.
Is this a normal phase (I thought DD was a bit young??) I think it upsets me so much as since losing my brother suddenly and tragically DD is the first thing to make my mum smile again and I can see how hurt she is.

Has anyone had similar experiences???

TIA and sorry If I've gone on or sound silly

[hunkermunker]

DS2 did this when he was about the same age (bit younger even, maybe) - but by the time he was 5mo, he was sunshiney with everyone again.

He's not had separation anxiety in the traditional sense and is one of the most confident babies I've known - perfectly happy to be left.

[VioletBaudelaire]

My younger sister would cry if anyone but my mother held her - would even scream at my father. The harder people tried to get her to smile at them, or go to them for a cuddle, the more she screamed!
When she got to about seven months old she completely changed, and became really outgoing, and happy to be cuddled by all and sundry.
HTH.

[Celery]

My DD was like this until she was 18 months old . She was okayish with my parents, but bawled at my in-laws. My MIL found it quite upsetting. She is 3 now, and absolutely fine, quite outgoing and not shy at all.

[firsttimemama]

My lo followed the exact pattern you describe and she saw my Mum and Dad weekly if not twice weekly - it lasted about 3 weeks - i think the collequial term is "making strange". I sure she'll be fine in a week or two - my lo is now 8 months and I know seperation anxiety is supposed to start at about 9 mths - I'll wait and see. It is heart wrenching when you see your Mum taken aback by it though - I can understand how you feel especially after losing your DB - sorry to hear that. I'm sure your Mum knows it just a baby thing and not personal.

[justJAM]

Thank you so much guys and thanks for the thoughts re DB as well, it was a hard time for all the family (he died on a fire in his home)
Mum and Dad have just left, they were both really sweet, my dad really was fine but I could tell mum was a bit worried.
I just wish I was in a position to have more people in and out of our home, I wonder if that would help.
Hearing that your LO's done it at times and are now fine is such a relief to hear, here's hoping DD reverts back in a few weeks, till this she adored my mum who helped lot's when she was born.
Thanks again for helping put my mind at rest.

[gingerninja]

Hi JustJam, my lo is like this with my mum however, my mum trys to hard and is all over her the minute she walks in the door which is a bit much for her to take given that she doesn't associate the door bell ringing with a big loud jolly woman bouncing in and plucking her from her mummys arms. Maybe suggest you mum just 'ignores' her for a few minutes while she gets used to her being there and then start talking to her then taking her for a cuddle. Also, get DD up to her level rather than leaning over her which might be a bit intimidating. We also don't have that many people visiting the house and I've noticed that my DD is much happier cooing at strangers in the Dr's surgery where they're not really paying her any attention than when people visit and try and interact.

[justJAM]

blimey ginger we must be separted at birth! I said that to my mum (just ignore her for a few minutes) went to put the kettle on and cue screaming...they said they barely went near her but even my dad going over and speaking to her set her off
and like your DD she is fine in big crowds as long as she is being ignored...very anti social
I'm sure it because she doesn't see anyone here all week...oh well let's hope it passes.
It is hard isn't is pistachio, trying to strike the balance of making sure the LO is feeling loved/developing independence...this motherhood malarky has me a nervous wreck

[LRWG]

JustJAM and Ginger - my DD (8 months) is just the same. She gets really upset if people are in her face too much. We've only just managed to train my FIL not to swoop on her as soon as he arrives and just to sit and chat for a few minutes so she can get used to him. Like her mother (that's me ) DD has got quite a large personal space and doesn't like it invading!

[CODNoMore]

er yes
all of them dont they>

[LRWG]

Meant to say - DH and I think DD is a sensitive soul but, unfortunately, some people don't seem to think that babies or children are allowed to have their own personality traits and that they must all love being man-handled!

So there! That's what I think! Rant over

[justJAM]

LRWG - good to hear DD isn't alone, I am guilty of being a bit of a hermit who protects her space too
It's so true that everyone expects babies to love being passed around....

[cc21]

Hi JJ

DD is also very tempremental around my parents & the IL's. Some days happy others screams the place down. She also hates being held for a long time by anyone other than me or DH!

So I have to keep telling MIL to put her on the floor as she likes her space. I'm usually ignored and get told "I think shes hungry" because obviously I'm starving her . I think she says it so I'll start weaning she thinks I'm a terrible mother for not having her on 3 meals a day...

It makes me laugh though that people think babies would enjoy having a manic grin in their face and being pulled from pillar to post, we wouldn't so why would they!

[justJAM]

honestly CC makes me feel so much better that DD isn't the only one. My mum is sooooo lovely and she adores DD but I have gently tried to say that DD is better when just left be...and not being constantly asked for a smile...what is so weird is the way it has seemed to come from nowhere - DD has been fed and bathed etc by my mum since birth and just a couple of weekd ago decided that people terrify her
Hope it passes, not that I think she should be a performing seal but I hate seeing her so traumatised

[cc21]

My HV (don't dismiss is the only thing she said that made a bit of sense) said that babies don't see you as a person just an extension of themselves, and that if you are out of sight they feel abandoned and don't understand that your coming back .

My DD sees a lot of my mum, but if I leave the room can quickly become hysterical and only calms down when I come back in the room.

[justJAM]

that makes sense CC - thanks again, so good to have people with LO's the same age to talk to