On a playdate a 5 yr old boy put his hands round my 5yr old DD's neck hard - should I be concerned?

[reallyconfusedmostofthetime]

On a playdate yesterday a 5 yr old boy put his hands round my 5yr old DD's neck hard enough to make her very distressed and cry a lot. They were playing on the trampoline alone, I didn't see and according to my DD they weren't fighting or even talking. I was quite shocked that any harm should come to her, she's very gentle and quiet but the being grabbed around the neck seems quite shocking to me. I tried to point out to the mother of the boy what had happened by saying to my DD "so he grabbed you around the neck?" in her ear shot and all the mother would say was "say sorry and be gentle". I told my husband and he too was shocked and said the next time I see the mother I should talk to her about it. I'm quite shy about awkward discussions and would rather not and thought maybe I could run it by their teacher and see what she thought. Its my child so I can appreciate that I am taking it very personally. Has anyone experienced this - is it sort of normal boy behaviour?

[Greenyogagirl]

My son has severe special needs, can be very aggressive and used to be a complete nightmare. He has NEVER done anything like that! He'll fight back if someone hurts him but that sounds like a pre-meditated thing and like he saw it being done at home or on tv, not normal at all!

[reallyconfusedmostofthetime]

Oh god! That's what we were thinking - where the hell has it come from. Sometimes you just feel mad - the mum was so calm - like maybe I was making a big deal and there were other mums there and no one said anything...

[GiddyOnZackHunt]

I don't think it's normal at all However the teacher certainly won't be able to discuss another child with you. The best you can hope for is that you tell her what happened and she listens.

[Greenyogagirl]

I'd tell the teacher your concerns. She can keep an eye on him and if there's worrying behaviour can contact the proper authorities.
Seems weird mum being so calm unless she thinks it's ok?!
Your poor dd though

[reallyconfusedmostofthetime]

She's pretty good their teacher. I think what I thought was she might be able to give the level of whether this was sort of in borderline normal behaviour and if she looked quite surprised then maybe I could build up courage to talk to the mother. At least now I feel justified in not going to any houses where she might be invited. And also it gives the teacher the option to be aware of it with him.

[reallyconfusedmostofthetime]

Its a pretty good school but somehow there are a handful of really naughty boys with parents who inexplicably find the behaviour acceptable. This particular boy wasn't even one I was worried about! I've been to parties where a small group of boys are just whacking each other really hard with the parents stood next to each other just watching.... one boy came up to his dad really crying and saying another boy had hit him and the dad said "oh you didn't run away fast enough..." I was amazed but when there are other parents who seem to think this is normal you sort of question yourself.