My DS (2) keeps saying 'i hate ... ! and smacking :(

[kittylette]

i dont know where hes got it from, but he says 'hate you'



its really upsetting,

i say do you love your little brother? and he says 'no, i hate him'

how do i stop him saying it, its an awful word

he goes on the naught rug when he says it, but that doesnt seem to be discouraging him

hes also reverted to smaking his LB, who is only 7 months old, - not hard more tapping him on the head (it doesnt hurt him - hes still smiling, but its obviosly something i want him to stop)we do NOT smack him.

he has lots of one on one attention, because he was hitting hard few moths ago, so we made him feel more secure

oh and we took his dummy away about 3 days ago, could this be related?

[WigWamBam]

Yes, it could well be related to taking his dummy away.

He doesn't hate anyone - he doesn't really know the meaning of the word yet, but he knows that using it can get a reaction from you! Best bet is to ignore it and don't make a fuss. Just say "That's a shame, because XX loves you", and walk away. Keep telling yourself that he doesn't mean it, so there's no point in getting upset about it.

When he hits his brother, say "No, we don't hit", pick him up and put him away from you, and make a big fuss of his brother while you ignore him for a bit. Reinforce the idea that hitting means he doesn't get your attention, while his brother gets lots.

Give him plenty of positive attention to reward good behaviour and plenty of cuddles to make him feel better for losing his dummy - hopefully he won't feel the loss of his comforter too badly if you can give him a few extra cuddles along the way when he does behave as you want him to!

[goblinqueen]

The first words out of my two year old's mouth when he woke up last Saturday was, "I don't like Mummy"! The first time he said it he got a reaction so everytime he's said it since then I say the same thing as WigWamBam suggests and he's stopped.

[blueshoes]

Has his little brother just started to crawl? I understand that when the baby starts getting mobile is a prime time for sibling rivalry to flare.

[kittylette]

yes, hes starting to move around on his tummy, and be on the floor, which ive noticed he (the eldest) doesnt like

thanks for the advice WWB

[Fillyjonk]

don't punish for expressing feelings using words. This is what you want!

He does have a right to hate his brother, sadly.

try to get him to vocalise what is actually wrong. so he is sad that his brother has knocked over his toys? or is he sad that he thinks his brother is getting more attention? Try to get him to say it . offer him options if need be.

And then try to help him constructively find ways of dealing with it. eg he is sad that his brother knocked over his bricks. Build them higher up-let him use the table-and help him. OR try to show him how to involve his brother. THat sort of thing

good luck. its hard work! basically look to praise good sibling interaction (create opportunities for this, if need be, and praise even if its just a tiny thing). praise specifically "I liked how you gave that car to X, look he's really happy now" not woolly-"oh good boy".

[kittylette]

dunno if that would work

if hes upset over a juice and i ask him is it because a pink elephant has sat on his sandcastle,

he would say yes

[AxelF]

I agree with Fillyjonk, try to find out why (without postively reinforcing the behaviour). I also think if you make a fuss of the little one in front of the older while he is being punished as suggested earlier that you would be antaganising him and he is bound to be upset by this. Good luck!

[Fillyjonk]

lol

i would keep asking

he will become better at giving you accurate answers if you show him you are taking them seriously

actually i'd take all his answers seriously. so if a pink elephant has sat on ot then the pink elephant must be told off!

(yes it gets ridiculous...does work though)