Almost 4yo fiery behaviour

[wildlingtribe]

Our DD is four this month, she's the second of four littles, the fourth only being born two weeks ago.. They're all very close in age (5,4,2,nb) but the changes we've seen before baby was born.

Determined, wilful, and confident. But recently not in a positive way, she will point blank refuse to acknowledge when being spoken to, good or bad terms. She runs off if you try to talk to her (if in the middle of a sibling row) and will shout unkind things.

So we try to be calm, patient. Sometimes try making it fun (tidy up time) we've also tried the boundaries where we mean what we say, that if you've finished then pack away before starting something else. But she will not listen. It's been about a month, or so now, and I know a baby is a big change as we've done it four times now but it's quite soul destroying and we hate resorting to shouting as nothing else seems to work.

We believe in gentle methods but firm but sometimes it's as if her and older sister don't take us seriously sometimes.

Little things like leaving rubbish about when they don't see us doing that, when asked - it's unfair or a huge deal.

Same with toys. (We do need to downsize here though)

But with a newborn who is non stop feeding, a two year old who is double the amount of determined (who she clashes with sometimes) and a 5 yo who will see me lose my patience as soon as she's home from school I'm kind of feeling defeated!

[wildlingtribe]

?

[Twinklelittlestar1]

Hi wildling, I'm an early years teacher and I'd say one of the best behaviour strategies you can use is positive praise. Sometimes it feels a bit tedious praising for the very small things "well done for hanging up your coat" but it really works. I would make this very visual as well, how about a sticker chart or have you seen www.classdojo.com/en-gb/
I use this in class but I'm sure you can create a parents account or use something similar. I use rewards when they get a set amount of stickers/ dojos, works really well.

[wildlingtribe]

We praise for the good a lot. It's just there's more negative behaviour lately so it seems a bit relentless.

Today she ran half way around the school and refused to stop with the times I said. Me having to chase her with newborn strapped to me and two year old having to be swiftly ran.

She gets so angry and shouts so much at bed time.

She's definitely the most head strong but in terms of behaviour, developmental it not, it's really changed the past few months and really hard to see what else to try.

[Vijac]

We have a lot of the same. Is she getting any 1-2-1 time with either you or dh? That could help. Even if it's just 10mins of 'special time' a day.