Settling my 2.5 yr old boy with a childminder

[Thombo]

Hi. I'm just looking for some opinions / advice about settling my 2.5 yr old boy with a childminder.

Sorry for very long post!

We're trying this out not from necessity due to work but because we think that it can help him develop resilience and prepare for nursery. We don't have a large family and he has never been passed around much or had many visitors etc, so I guess we worry that he is dependent on us a bit too much.

We found a lovely childminder with 20 years experience - she previously managed a nursery and then quit to set up her own CM business at home. The mornings that our DS attends there are only 2/3 other little ones there and it seems like a really good atmosphere - very calm and with lots to do.

So, we started by staying with him for the duration of his time there for 4 visits, then maybe 3 visits left him alone for around 20-30 mins. Since then he's been left alone for an hour 6 times and he's been left 2 hours 4 times now. This process has been for 2 mornings a week for the past couple of months.

The previous 3 times he has learnt to expect being left and as soon as we tell him he is going to the CM he instantly begins to cry and say "me no wanna go to (CM)" and will cry all the way there, being handed over in tears. The CM will text us and tell us how he is doing - a few times he has been picked up after 40 mins due to crying and a few times he has managed the 2 hours - apparently cheering up after 5-10 mins and having a nice time. But as far as I can tell, he wants to sit on her lap a lot and gets upset if she goes to the loo. The last time I picked him up after 2 hours he did seem happy enough with no signs of being upset, the time before that as soon as he saw me he began to cry and it appeared to be out of relief.

What's bothering me now is that the past 3 days he has said in the morning "me no wanna go to (CM) - me no like it at (CM)" and needs assuring that he is not going. I just don't like the thought that every day he worries that we will leave him there. Also, last night he woke very upset and wouldn't settle for 30 mins - asked if he was sore or hurting and he said no (he can tell us if he is sore usually) - but he wouldn't or couldn't say why he was upset. Then this morning I asked him why he was sad last night and he said "because me no like going to (CM) house".

I know that some settling is required, but we're concerned that this is causing him too much anxiety to justify the possible positives. What do you think?

[YouSay]

Honestly if you don't need to do it I wouldn't. He is still so young. My dd never settled in a similar setting at that age so I took her out. By the time she started nursery at 3 and a half she was fine. If you want to develop his social skills could you do more play group type things with him?