Defiant behaviour... I'm losing my cool!

[OneLittleGirl]

My 3 1/2 year old daughter has developed a very defiant and rude attitude. This has coincided with starting preschool in September. I need your help because I have run out of techniques to manage her behaviour and now I'm worried that I'm losing my temper with her.

She goes out of her way to find things that will provoke a reaction and she's VERY good at finding things that can't be ignored, including hurting me.

We recently adopted a cat - primarily for her benefit but, to our astonishment, she treats the cat badly and shows no remorse. This behaviour upsets me the most.

I want to be a good parent and model appropriate behaviour but I'm at the end of my tether. Please help!

[Wendied]

Watching with interest as I've got similar issues.

Bump

[jannier]

Some things to think about maybe....
Does it happen at any particular time, like after a long day, when she's come home or not seen you for a while?
Preschool can be very tiring and bring lots of change like less one to one time, people expecting more independence etc.
How is she at preschool are they reporting similar issues?
Has anything else changed? Are you giving as much attention when she's being good?

[OneLittleGirl]

Thank you jannier.... I am making an effort to give her attention when she's being good. Yesterday I tried structuring her day more, which helped but it's going to be hard to sustain. The difficult behaviour tends to happen when she gets bored or when the cat sits on me (jealousy). She's an only child and doesn't play independently, although I've tried modelling this and showing her how to play with some things alone.

I would love to be able to give her my undivided attention all day but I don't think that would actually be good for her!

[GinGinGin]

Watching with interest too - I have a 3.7 year old who's behaviour has also become atrocious since starting preschool (although it has started since she turned 3 it's got worse). She's also an only child and not good at playing by herself (but then who is, it is pretty boring!).

Some days she can be an absolute angel (although these days are rare!), but others, she is literally spoiling for a fight.

I try to let her make choices as much as possible, or if there's something she has to wear/do, give her warning of it. But still, I've resorted to threats as a first, rather than last resort as it's just become a nightmare!

[Catastrophica]

I do think tackling the cat issue should happen too.

But that aside, my DD had a terrible awful never-ending case of the terrible 3s. She screamed her head off every day for over an hour. Randomly. I tried making her routine tight, keeping her fed, active, entertained you name it. Nothing made any difference at all.

She'd just get this look in her eye and she was off!

I put her in her room, out in the garden, no difference.

In the end I just meandered casually out of the room she was screaming in, as if I didn't notice. And eventually it died down.

Not helpful for your version of terrible three's I know, but at least you're not alone.

[starpatch]

Also watching with interest. And a bit reassured others have the defiance too (sorry). Let my ds help me pot plants yesterday and he deliberately split compost on the floor...no big deal but he does stuff like that all the time... hes got a very mischievious sense of humor... but sometimes it makes me dislike him to be honest

[sweatyfarce]

*starpatch I have exactly the same with my ds. I could have written your post.