This is the true voice of despair. I am begging someone, anyone, who can help me.
My daughter of 7 years old, almost 8, has started having compulsive thoughts the last few weeks - she says, voices in her head that won't go away.
She is convinced that she would like to kill people, shoot them and that one day she will do this. I feel I have lost my precious girl and the worst thing is that its the only thing she talks about. I have devoted every moment we have together to allow her to talk about it and have shown endless empathy and understanding. I have exaughsted myself emotionally and have gone in circles with it. I have explained to her about a conscience and the 2 voices of reason in her head. I have told her that her other voice of reason is speaking extra loud and she needs to show him that she is boss. I have spoken to her about anything that has upset her lately, including seeing a snapshot of a war scene on the tv at my parents house, just a few seconds because my dad forgot to switch off. I have spoken to her about that and what it means. She seems to be preoccupied with I.S and what happened in Paris and so I think that is connected. But she has also had a long run of bad things happening at school including bullying for not having a father and also another seperate incident of bullying which included intimidation by the mother, via her daughter. The school have failed her for far too long letting her suffer in boredom because she was too ahead of the class and despite over a year of me trying to ask them to tackle this it is only now that they are agreeing to trying new things to keep her challenged. But I fear that it has been going on for too long and perhaps it has been like some form of torture for her to sit in class with nothing to do and that now its too late. Now its as though the devil got her. The expression 'the devil makes use of idle hands' is really seeming to ring true.
Its like my daughter is posessed. I read up on OCD and this can be a symptom, believing you are bad and having repetitive thoughts. I know I now need to take her to a doctor but I fear her being labelled, I fear that this will make it worse, I fear them trying to get her on meds. She is a charismatic, fun, intelligent and sweet girl and I just want to cry at the thought that this is the way we will live our life from now on. Life is hard enough raising a child alone and I had so much to look forward to with her. Its a hell for me, being in discussions about killing people all the time. Simply a hell. I am a peaceful person who can't even watch 1 second of violence in films or on TV, so this is like a massive punishment to be confronted by this all the time. I now have visions of my daughter ending up in prison one day because she has fulfilled her own prophecy. How did life come to this? I have dedicated all of this 8 years to raising her and giving her a wonderful life, doing so many things to enrich her and have not been working to ensure that she has all the quality time she needs from me. But it has amounted to this.
Am I missing something?
Has anyone else been through this?
Please, if you have any insight that can help me, don't hesitate. I am in tears and feel like I am on the edge of the world about to drop down into an endless black hole. Trying to hang on and have hope...
Thankyou :-(
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OCD? A desperate plea
8 replies
cashmerequeen · 05/01/2016 19:13
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