Help! - 3years 9months - different child in different environments

[badgerinapreviouslife]

Apologies if I at any point sound pissed off annoyed, but I'm at my wits end.

DS is 3 years 9 months, is an only one and has recently started nursery school and has been in other day care settings since 5.5 months. In many respects he's quite far ahead but there is a distinct speech delay and we're in the process of getting a speech and language assessment (which went really well as he was talkative and engaging and we're waiting for the feedback from the first session along with) and we have a paediatrician appointment in October to check to see if there is anything more sinister.

At home, he's chatty, sings along to songs, is repeating things and increasingly using sentences with up to 5 words in but is now confidently using 3 words all the time and using 4 words more often. It's becoming more conversational and we're really pleased with his progress. In his other day care environment, I'm getting lovely reports back about how his interaction with this other kids is improving (they like him, but he had a tendency to withdraw and go silent if things got too boisterous which he's now getting over), he's having conversations, his key worker has been asking him questions about nursery school that he's been answering happily.

Problem is he's been a different child when the HV is any where near by. In fact she found him withdrawn and not engaging in imaginative play (She's observed him at home and at nursery). I'm scared that the boy who turns up at the paediatrician at the end of the month is going to be the quiet one. The dreaded "A" word has been mentioned, but I can't help thinking that's bollocks. There are no issues around eye contact, he engages with people, it just takes bloody ages for him to relax with new people but once he does, it's fine.

Also he's doing the same at nursery school (started 3 weeks ago), he's settling now (and mercifully starting to do as he's told) but again saying nowt. Argh!! I could cry

[badgerinapreviouslife]

I think I could just do some hand holding.

[Ferguson]

Surely, most people - adults as well as children - react differently in different situations, and when in unfamiliar or stressful environments may 'clam up' altogether.

Maybe he senses the HV is someone 'different' from the usual social contacts, and he doesn't want to 'perform' for her.

If YOU know he is pretty much on track - and it sounds like he is - I shouldn't worry about what the HV or other professionals think at this stage.