Stubbornness

[ALickAndAPromise]

DS, almost four, refuses to get himself dressed or undressed or put on/take off his shoes. However, he does now do it at nursery so it isn't an issue with ability rather he refuses to do it for us.

His nursery are aware that he won't put his shoes on at home and they said yesterday that he had refused to get changed for PE for them. He had excitedly begun getting undressed then switched and refused to do anymore so sat in his pants and didn't participate. He only put his trousers and shoes back on when lunch was served.

His nursery worker said I need to challenge his 'stubbornness' and insist he does it himself.

His shoe came off in the park and I calmly said he must put it back on himself. He began crying and wailing and asking me to do it. I kept encouragingly saying, no you can do it. It became a full on melt down. Over a shoe. And it was then me vs him with stubbornness. Who could insist the other put the shoe on the longer. And of course he won. Refused to even pull the Velcro over once I'd put the shoe on.

I have no idea how to manage this other than to meet his stubbornness with stubbornness myself? I've previously been into cajoling, or sharing the job ie he does he Velcro. But if he can physically do it, what can I do?

Nursery are clearing getting them 'school-ready' with the whole getting dressed for PE but for DS that's a whole year away. But it sounds like it's only DS who has the issue with it.

Gah I don't know what to do.

[RNBrie]

I'd tackle this with a sticker chart or chocolate based bribery - something positive rather than telling him off and making it a negative. i.e he gets a smartie if he puts his shoes on the first time you ask him.

Might take you a couple of goes to find something he cares about more than he doesn't want to put his shoes on.

My nearly 4 year old responds really well to a sticker chart (sticker for each time she does x and then a treat when she gets a row of stickers - you need to work out what the treat is - mine gets to have lunch in a cafe - she chooses the cafe which is a BIG DEAL in her world!!)

We generally need a sticker chart or smartie bribery for a couple of weeks and then it naturally peters out but the behaviour has become habit and is no longer an issue....

[whatsagoodusername]

DS2 is very stubborn May have got this from me. I have found the best way to deal with it is to present him with two options:

Shoe needs to go on. So
A) I put on the shoe, DS does the strap.
B) DS puts on the shoe, I do the strap.

Or I do left foot, he does right, and so on. Of course it's not as ideal as DS putting on and doing up both shoes without a fight, but he learns to do it and he got to be somewhat in control.

[whatsagoodusername]

I haven't found a successful bribe yet. He doesn't like sweets weird child.

[RNBrie]

Mine would walk over hot coals for a smartie whatsagood! I feel for you!

[ALickAndAPromise]

Thanks whatsagood and rnbrie. Will try some sort of reward system. I'd forgotten that potty training went quite smoothly thanks to the sticker chart in the Thomas the Tank Engine potty book! Sadly, I don't think a single smartie will cut it with DS. This parenting stuff is exhausting...

[RNBrie]

It IS exhausting!! Just when you get one weird behaviour licked, they come up with something else... That said, my dd is clearly a push over if she's so easily swayed by a smartie