Experience of picky eaters???

[jobnockey]

My DS (6.5) is a picky eater. I shouldn’t be too worried as his food choices tend to be healthy (apart from probably too much breakfast cereal and sugar in general), but he has developed a stubbornness about new foods, or foods that don’t ‘look right’. As a result, his meal repertoire is getting smaller and smaller. Some of the dishes he does eat are quite unusual and he would definitely turn his nose up if they were served anywhere other than home so the familiarity of home cooking is obviously important to him.

I just end up making him food which I know he will eat rather than trying to get him to try new stuff as it’s just easier. Ideally we would all eat together every night but as I don’t get in from work till after 6 there’s not always time to cook something from scratch for all of us so DS often has ‘something I prepared earlier’ from the freezer, or a jacket spud or other ‘easy’ meal and DP and I will eat later - I guess this doesn’t help really. Aside from that, DP and I want to eat a wider range of dishes than DS will eat and serving two separate meals at the table each night just seems silly.

He gets genuinely worried about having to eat at his friend’s houses even if they offer to do something he likes, so I usually pick him up before they eat to save the stress. Eating out is a nightmare, I usually either just pack sandwiches for him or we have to go for pizza (which even then he will reject if the cheese isn’t right or something…) or, weirdly, somewhere which serves seafood, which he loves. He seems extremely squeamish about things he hates which includes ketchup and can’t stand them being on the table even!

I just wonder what other families do/have done about this kind of issue? My gut feeling is that we have been placing too much emphasis on his eating habits and it has become a ‘thing’ now. He’s accepted his fussy eater label and is happy to wear it with pride! I’ve been told just put food in front of him and if he doesn’t eat it he goes hungry, but i don’t know about this approach. He will need to eat something. He’s quite skinny and also will just play up at bedtime if he’s hungry. So should I give him an alternative? Arrgh! it’s so annoying. I LOVE food and cooking and just don’t understand how he’s not the same! He was brilliant as a baby and ate absolutely everything I put in front of him!

Any parents of grown up children who grew out of this would be welcome to share their stories here, as I need to know there’s light at the end of the tunnel and one day we’ll be able to go out for an enjoyable family meal somewhere!

sorry just realised how long this message is!

[dodobookends]

We were told by specialist clinic we were referred to, that it is best to serve up the same as everyone else, but make sure there is also something on the plate that they do like. They are then free to try/reject the rest, and don't go hungry.

The other thing was to make no comment or effort to persuade, cajole or take any interest whatsoever in what they are eating. Take all the pressure off. This is incredibly hard to do, I know! Be casual (scream inside if you have to, but don't let it show!).

All the so-called helpful comments from family & friends should be totally ignored - there is nothing worse than listening to people whose kids eat anything and everything, and who seem to take pleasure in making you feel that you are a bad parent and are pandering/spoiling your dc, and that it is all your fault. Ignore also all the comments about 'If they're REALLY hungry then they will eat it eventually if you make them sit there long enough'.

Having dealt with a dc with diagnosed food phobias, just go with the flow and it will get better. It takes a very long time (think two years before being able to eat a piece of sausage without gagging), but persevere and all will eventually be well.

[jobnockey]

Thank you so much for this, it sounds like you've had a really difficult time with your Dc but glad to hear things got better for you eventually. We're going to give this approach a try and see what happens. As long as there's a bowl of veg and some bread on the table he won't starve and it will be up to him when/ if he wants to try whatever else we're having. I got him to help me plan a menu for this week which is mainly things he likes (one new recipe we've not had before but all ingredients he likes- he can decide whether or not to try). I'm also going to put things in bowls for us to serve ourselves so he can be in control and I think he'll like the novelty of this too.
Thanks again for your really helpful response!