'Clingy' toddler.

[teacher54321]

I don't like the use of the word clingy as it feels so negative but I can't think of an alternative word! Ds is nearly 3 and is a very bright and verbal little boy. He went to a childminder two days a week for nearly two years and cried at pretty much every drop off in that time, even though he adored her and her kids. Now he's at nursery two days a week and does the same thing. They've also commented that he doesn't cope well with large boisterous groups of children and is happier in small groups. He's very close to all his grandparents and usually goes to them without a backward glance, regularly stays with them overnight etc, so it's not that he's never away from me, dh is very hands on and is absolutely equal in caring for him. So why does he get so upset and how can I help him?

It breaks my heart, and I'm starting a new job in September and he's going to have to go to full time nursery (at the school that I work at so we'll be onsite) but I look at children at school who get dropped off and they don't even give their mummies a backward glance! I don't make a big deal or elongate drop offs, I'm very positive and chirpy and reassuring, but it's getting me down.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

You're not alone, some children do cry so please don't compare. How is he once he's there? I know he doesn't like big, noisy groups but how is he the rest of the time? Has his key worker made any suggestions?

[teacher54321]

He settles down, and is happy to play with the key workers and small groups of children. He's never crying when I get there and he eats well etc so I think it's just the leaving me he hates dh is printing off some photos of us today so he can take them with him and he does take some of his favourite (but not precious) toys with him. It just breaks my heart. And at tumble tots yesterday the lady asked if he wanted to move up a group after Easter which means he'll be doing it by himself and I'll wait outside. I tried that at an activity before (admittedly 6 months ago) and he nearly cried himself sick

[kittsbear]

I think that's pretty normal for kids. You see some kids crying at primary school drop off so I really wouldn't worry as he's happy off with other people and settles down. He's probably just a bit sensitive/introverted/quiet re the big groups - how many adults like big groups of boisterous people? - and if he is quite bright he might be a bit more "grown-up" and just not get why everyone's in his face. I think your LO is gonna be just fine. He might even be better once he's in full time as it's a routine, not just like suddenly it's nursery time. It must be heartbreaking, but you're doing the right thing :D

[Guin1]

My DS (2.6) is pretty much the same. Cried at drop-off for about 8 months and although he hasn't done much crying for the past 9 months, he is still very clingy and "cuddle Mummy", etc. Yet he has lots of fun when he's there and is in no hurry to come home at pick-up. I'm not overly concerned, I just don't think he can see beyond that moment - all his focus is on me leaving him, rather than what the day has in store.

[Emmie412]

My DD1 was like that until she was about 3,5/4. Biggest change for us was change of nursery from independent to school nursery- the new nursery really supported her and even though drop offs were occasionally clingy, she was always happy to go. When she turned 4, clingy behaviour disappeared and she is now very confident.

In our case, she was clingy but the old nursery really did not suit her. For two years I had to peel her fingers off me at drop offs, she played happily during the day but never wanted to go there. Ever. I wish I had listened to her, rather than listening everyone else saying she will get better. She did get better but only when we swapped the nursery.