Opposite sex siblings bathing together...

[CoffeeChocolateWine]

I'm after a bit of perspective here. I have 2 DC - DS is 6 and DD is 2.5. I bath them together still which they enjoy and they get on very well in general.

However, over the past few weeks my DS has been taking a bit more interest in the physical differences between them and there have been a couple of times recently that he has sneakily making contact with her private parts. For instance, last week they were sat at opposite ends of the bath with their legs stretched out and I hadn't realised that under the bubbles he had put his toes between her legs. He giggled about it and said "Mummy, my toes are touching [DD's] lady bits". I didn't make a big deal out of it but told him firmly not to do that as those are her private parts and nobody is allowed to touch them because they are private. This is something I have tried to teach them both from an early age and he is well aware that this is unacceptable.

However, yesterday they were messing about in the bath and DS cuddled DD and DD pulled away suddenly and wide-eyed said "[DS] touched my lady bits with his fingers. He's not allowed. They're private". I was crosser this time and once again told him firmly that this was not acceptable and I removed him from the bath and sent him to his room. I later had a chat with him about it and reinforced the message that nobody is allowed to touch our private parts apart from parents and doctors if there is a reason for it, and that likewise he is not allowed to touch anyone else's private parts because they are private. He knows this and he understands this.

My thoughts are that even though I know it's just his innocent natural curiosity, I need to end their bathtimes together to protect my daughter. Am I right? I had thought I probably had a good couple of years more of bathing together and it makes me a bit sad as they do love their bathtimes together. But this is the right thing to do right?

For a bit of context, I am someone who was abused by a close family member as a child so this is something that I am very conscious/paranoid about.

[OutragedFromLeeds]

It sounds to me like you've dealt with it perfectly. I wouldn't necessarily end their shared baths unless DD is unhappy to share with him. I'd give him another chance, but be super vigilant and he gets into big trouble if he does it again.

[Branleuse]

I think you dealt with it correctly, and I think bathe them seperatly.

My eldest did take an interest in checking out his younger sisters genitals a couple of times quite a few years ago, and I did pretty much what you did, and it never happened again.
My other two are so close in age and have never shown any interest in each others bits and still bathe together sometimes at 7 & 8, but I think with a larger age gap, hes been alone for longer so has more curiosity. I dont think its a case of protecting your dd, because I doubt shes in danger, but I think maybe get him a book such as the body book etc, so he can look at some pictures rather than his actual sister if hes curious

[Misty9]

I think your reaction has been very appropriate. It's a difficult one because a consequence for his behaviour would also upset your dd, if she wants the joint baths. Maybe give her the choice? I also think he's old enough to know he shouldn't do that if you've told him not to. Does your other half have an opinion?

My two are 3.6 and ten months and bathe together but we had one incident when the baby was very small and ds poked her bits. My reaction wasn't so rational as yours I'm afraid, as I was so shocked! Shouted a bit and removed him, and nothing since.

Maybe less bubbles too?! :)

[AuditAngel]

My 3 are 10, 7 (8 this month) and 4, a boy followed by two girls. They bathe together in any combination, and in fact the main source of interest has been from DD2 towards DS.

I think DD1 got over her interest when they were much younger.

I occasionally ask DS to run a bath for DD2, and be around while she's in it (DH works shifts) and he will often say, I might as well go in with her), but it is his choice, she loves him helping her.

I think your reaction is right for your family, mainly because your DD has commented.

[fredfredsausagehead1]

Personally I think keep bathing them together and supervise and encourage and reinforce the attitude that private parts are private. It's good they can learn!

[CoffeeChocolateWine]

Thanks for your comments.

Misty, DH was shocked too and his reaction yesterday was the same as mine - that we should stop their baths together. But DS was upset about it last night and he did realise that it is somthing that was being taken seriously. DH and I talked about it again this evening and his opinion that we should give DS another chance. I was apprehensive (hence the timing of my OP!) but we spoke to DS beforehand and reminded him of what was appropriate and inappropriate behaviour, asked DD whether she wanted to have a bath with DS to which she said yes, and then we bathed them together again. And it was fine tonight. DS was actually a bit unsure of what to do with himself, and seemed to think he wasn't allowed to touch his sister at all so a bit of reassurance was needed, but they were fine.

So he has learnt his lesson and the message has got across to him, so I think we'll keep going so long as DD is happy. But one more step out of line will mean the end of joint bathtimes.

Bran, thanks for your suggestion. I think a book for DS is an exceelent idea.