2 year old boy.....what is normal behaviour? Advise please

[NessaWH123]

looking for some advice with regards to my 2 year olds behaviour and development. What is normal behaviour?! He has always been a very spirited baby/toddler and makes it very clear, very loudly, very regularly when he isn't happy! He is like Jekyll and Hyde and always has been. Happy one minute and miserable the next and many times we don't know why. He has recently become very clingy and wont let me go out of the room, often moaning and crying to be picked up all the time...which is hard going on the arms! We went today to a play date at a friends house and went into the garden to play but he just cried constantly to be picked up and wouldn't play. Yesterday we went to a local childrens farm and he looooves farm animals, but he moaned and threw himself on the floor crying most of the time and we couldn't work out why so had to head home. As soon as he was home he was instantly happy again!Is this normal? He tires very quickly yet gets 12 hours sleep a night and between 2-3 hours in the day. He is often yawning and doesn't care about walking much. I worry when I take him out as you never know when he will start whining and crying and throwing himself on the floor. Any advice welcome? I have no experience really of other two year olds apart from well behaved 2 year old girls we meet up with so not sure if I just need to ride it out and he will get better or if anything I need to check out about.
TIA

[matchstickpopper]

DS was exactly the same - your little boy sounds very, very normal to me!

[LittleBairn]

He sounds perfectly normal to me, two year olds are tough. If he's high spirited then yes he will need a lot of sleep.
The crying when away from home, I've found kids this age just don't like busy Enviroments and prefer to be at home in a familiar environment. But they do grow out of it.

[LittleBairn]

Does he eat well/healthy? A healthy diet might improve his energy levels.

[ISpidersmanYouMeanPirate]

It sounds pretty normal.

DS1 was always fine and confident when out and about until aged 2.8 (ish). All of a sudden he got fearful of crowds / playgrounds etc. when before he'd been perfectly at ease and would make friends wherever he went.

He's now 3.5 and is slowly, very slowly growing out of it. he's still a bit wary in crowded playgrounds but is getting much better.

Whereas he used to adore going to parks, often he'll say he doesn't want to and wants to stay at home instead.

A technique I've found that works is to prepare him. Explain what we're doing that day and in what order.

[NessaWH123]

Thanks very much for all your advice x he is not a great eater. His food is healthy but he dosent eat a lot. We do supplement it with a multivitamin to try and help him. A friend started to mention autism which
worries me?! X

[BeachBumMum2]

Hi. This is my first post on Mumsnet - in fact on any parenting forum. Hope you don't mind me joining this thread - but thought it was all relevant. I have a DS aged 2.5. He sounds quite similar NessaWH123 - he's understandingly been particularly temperamental since the arrival of DS2 (now 7 months).
I'm having a bad 2 weeks trying to get back into freelance work (from home) with minimal childcare and minimal sleep (thanks to bf-ing DS2) - think my DS1 is really picking up on my stress levels. I had to pick him up from childminder early today because she described him as 'hysterical' - not himself at all. Anyway while we were there, she described him in a way that just didn't fit him. She said he was shy and not very confident. Whereas the little boy I know is social, outgoing and confident when he's with me and his dad (you should see him at drama classes we go to!) I feel really sad that he isn't this confident when we're not around - and it makes me worried about him going to pre-school/school. It's also weird that I don't really know my little boy. Then I think - stop worrying - he's only little!! Has anyone else had this kind of thing before?

[ISpidersmanYouMeanPirate]

Beach I know that feeling!

DS1 started school in September (we're not in the UK, its just mornings) the month he turned 3. We were when the teacher described a shy, reserved, little boy who never spoke. The total opposite of the little boy we knew at home! He also cried a lot and wanted me all the time

He's getting better and is speaking more, but still remains very shy around adults. Again, not something we're used to at home.

DH and I feel bad about it because we were both extremely shy as children and were relieved when DS1 seemed not to have inherited that (he was sooo confident in playgrounds, making friends etc., until he was about 2.8ish)

We found the his shyness came on around the time DS2 was born, but also around the time DS1 started to better understand the local language (he's bilingual, but much stronger in English than the local language for the moment). Once he started to understand the local language, he understood that some children didn't want to play with him and so became quite withdrawn and afraid of trying to play with other children in case he got rejected.

Before he understood the language, he was quite oblivious to the "rejections" and often the other children gave in and let him play with them (picture a 2 year old determinedly following three 9 year old boys round the playground until they give in and let him join in )

I also was afraid that he was the only little boy at school having these problems...until I got chatting to another parent who said that out of a class of 32 children, two thirds of them still regularly cry at school in January! So it seems totally normal at this age.

[tumbletumble]

I wouldn't listen to your friend who mentioned autism (unless he/she is a specialist of some kind?). Your DS sounds like a normal toddler going through a difficult phase. Hang on in there - it will get better! My DS2 was a bit like that when he was 2, he's now a happy well-behaved (usually!) 5yo.

[matchstickpopper]

agree with tumble - unless your friend is a qualified medical professional or has experience of kids with autism then I wouldn't listen. Do take your DS to the GP for reassurance, but I don't think you need to be unduly worried. There is no 'normal' really when it comes to kids, they're all so different.

To people with shy kids: again I don't think it's anything to worry about. I was painfully shy and hated school until the age of eleven, when I went to secondary school in inner city london and had to learn to be a bit more assertive. I know parents worry about that kind of thing and their kid being bullied and although luckily I was never really bullied I was in a rough environment but it actually helped me a lot - I feel like I can deal with anyone now! Your DS may well grow out of it and if he doesn't, that's ok - I think too often we see shyness as a massive character flaw and it shouldn't be that way.

[Greymalkin]

My little boy is 26 months old and does all the things you describe yours doing.

The 'mood swings' are exhausting and somedays I turn into shouty-Mum which I'm not proud of.

I thinking the playing up when out and about might be a bit of anxiety being somewhere new, so not surprising they are happy once they are home!

Are you in the UK? If so you should be getting a 2-year check with your health visitor pretty soon so see what they advise.

for you

[NessaWH123]

Thanks all for your words of reassurance.greymalkin he has just turned 2 so I'm guessing I will b contacted soon with regards to a checkup. I didn't realise he had one at two. Took him out for a walk this morning but it never goes well as he just kept stopping to be picked up or would pull all over the place not wanting to go in the same direction as me. Then he had numerous melt downs along the walk as things weren't going how he wanted! Hence we came home early. Is this usual? I see others walking along nicely with their children and not a constant battle. I was just trying to get us some fresh air, him so exercise and hope in time he may start to respond better? Bit embarrassing at the moment and not to enjoyable:( x

[ThisFenceIsComfy]

Well the clinging, mood swings and switchable personality sounds like your average two year old. Maybe the amount of sleep he gets is a a bit more than average and you say he seems tired a lot. But being a two year old all day is pretty tiring!

[jigglywiggly]

I have a 2.5 DS. He loves to walk everywhere but I still take his buggy just in case. That way if he does refuse to walk any further he gets put in his buggy. That way he still gets fresh air and we don't have to go home! Can you do this? I know it's not a solution but it gives him a choice, buggy or walk. I won't take him home just because he wants to especially if we are out for the day!

[Amethystus]

Sounds totally normal. Have a very spirited two year old dd and she can be clingy, throw herself down on floors and farm animals are cool in books and on the tv but face to face she gets frightened. One minute she's freaking out crying and the very next second laughing with tears still on her face

Bring the buggy with you on walks. Dd often says she wants to walk then changes her mind half way down the road and wants lifted. She gets the ultimatum it's either walk or buggy, she's too heavy to be carrying. Don't make a plan to walk somewhere (I have done this often and it ends up fraught and not enjoyable) let him lead for a while, take his time and explore jumping in puddles, picking up twigs or whatever.

[NessaWH123]

Ta v much for your suggestions makes mefeel better about things another one forall you with words of wisdom:) ?! My little one used to happily play without me in sight. Today at a soft play centre he wouldn't play without holding my hand and spent most of the time trying to climb up me to get me to hold him any advice is this usual of a two year old and anything I can do to help him regain his confidence tia

[CityDweller]

Sounds normal. He sounds like he's a bit overwhelmed by things at the moment. They go through such big developmental changes (is he getting lots of new words at the mo?) and that's unsettling for them. Maybe have some quieter days at home, if that's where he's happy, for a while.

[NessaWH123]

Thanks citydweller he hasn't really learnt any new words in a long time. He just likes to make farm animal sounds when he sees them or pictures of them and says mummy and daddy he has a couple more words but mainly still just babbles a lot x

[ladyflower23]

I really wouldn't risk journeys without buggy until he's 3. What you are describing sounds like perfectly normal year old to me. it is frustrating but he will get better at walking further and going in the right direction! I know its hard when they get clingy but at 2 I think it's best to just go along with it and let him stay and cuddle you if he wants then he will go off in his own time when he's feeling secure. You will just make your own life more difficult trying to get him to do things he's not ready for. I don't think you should expect to much from him at this age. I speak from experience as my ds sounds just like yours at 2!

[BeachBumMum2]

NessaWH123 - please don't feel alone. My 2 year old sounds so similar to yours! I am so self-conscious of his behaviour but then I chat to other mums and my sister (who has two boys) and you realise - it's just their age. They all go through it in their own little ways. I took my boys to stay with grandparents this weekend and it was meltdown after meltdown - plus non stop clinginess. My sister took him out with his cousins for one morning so I could work and he was as good as gold for them!! My mantra is 'this too shall pass' but most of the time I'm like you - looking around me believing no-one else is having same problems (and wondering where I'm going wrong). Reality is that we're so busy managing our 2 year olds to notice the mum on the other side of the park dealing with a tantrum! I read somewhere that it's best to keep 2 year olds at home because they are so unsettled out and about and thrive on familiarity and routine. I see their point - but I don't agree with this for a minute. If we stayed at home all the time we'd go mad!! I'm sure it's good for them to be out and about learning how to cope in certain situations. My son also went through an exhausted stage - it was following a week of poorliness over Christmas and it took a while for him to get his energy back (v unlike him!) but I also think he was having a growth spurt. Could be the same for yours too. I'd walk to the park - which he could easily do a few months ago - but now it's a real struggle. They're obviously using up too much energy being monkeys! The other thing that reassures me is the thought that 2 year olds brains just aren't developed enough to cope with all the emotions etc - they are just being normal toddlers. It would probably be more worrying if they weren't showing these behaviours. It's all part of how they grow up and learn. Hope you are having a better weekend. x
Ispidersman thanks for sharing - it's good to know that other parents have noticed their children acting differently in different situations - thinking about it - I think I was like this too (although funnily enough I was more confident at school than within my family due to overbearing sister!

[NessaWH123]

Ladyflower23 and beachbummum2 thanks solo much for taking the time to respond. Your comments have made me feel so much better about things and I realise I probably need t chill abit more with this business of motherhood!;) its nice t know I'm not alone and others have similar experiences x I will def take all your suggestions and comments on board. X

[MissMia84]

Your sons behaviour sounds just like mine (although mine actually seems worse!) See my post....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/behaviour_development/2312651-20-month-old-tantrums-Cant-take-much-more

[NessaWH123]

Hi missmia84 I've just read your post and feel your pain it helps to know you aren't alone or the only one with a child that behaves like this and I just keep thinking it can't last forever. But when you are in the middle of yet another meltdown in public it can b very waring:( the suggestion on your post about time out may be a possible option as you say I totally agree going out and not knowing when the next tantrum will strike is the worst feeling my little one has taken to pointing his finger at me and shouting crying or screaming in a very loud voice. He thinks its I'm to shout at us a lot at the moment in a very angry tone and the aggressive finger pointing is so annoying x

[AppleSnapple]

Oh Nessa how difficult for you, I feel your pain. But also, I feel, very normal! Ds2 is 2.3 and we went out for a bike (ds1) /scooter (ds2) ride this weekend. Ds2 was happy to ride scooter (with a seat) until we were 2 minutes away from the house, then for no particular reason took it upon himself to lie on the ground and scream as he didn't want to scoot anymore! Bearing in mind this was no prob, I was v happy for him to walk, I even had buggy for back up! He is very social and funny at home but with others or in public is often very very shy- so much so that I sometimes feel sad that no one else gets to see how cool he is when he's relaxed and happy!

It'll all pass though... I say this with the wisdom of having done it all before! Ds1 (now 5) had all of his own strange little idiosyncrasies but they do grow out of them, and find their own ways to communicate needs and frustrations.

One thing that strikes me from one of your posts is that he's not saying much yet- a lot of his behaviour could well be borne out of frustration and an inability to appropriately air his feelings. It'll get better though, as communication improves. It's bloody hard though, you have my best wishes and sympathies! Best of luck x

[NessaWH123]

Thanks so much applesnapple for taking the time to respond your right he doesn't speak a great amount which I'm sure is very frustrating for him. Not sure how t change that as we try to talk simple words as and language all the time but he isn't repeating very much we say ...mainly his old favourite making farm animal sounds!;) I'm hanging on to your words of experience in knowing things will change and improve xx

[NessaWH123]

He is a real Jekyll and Hyde this last few weeks which I'm finding difficult he has taken to pointing his finger and shouting at us all the time . he has slapped me across the face a number of times and at meal times just throws himself around his highchair. He goes to a childminders 3 days a week and once I've picked him up he is a nightmare in the car on the way home screaming. He asks for a book to look at then throws it which is hard when I'm driving. He creates and tantrums for about an hour continuing in the house until he settles about 6 just before his dad is home . I've tried the usual suggestions but anything else would b great? X