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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

9 yr old boy -advice !

13 replies

binker · 11/10/2006 15:20

I'm hoping that mumsnet can provide some sage advice ! Ds is 9 years old and since he was quite young he has had a favourite toy,a rubber snake,which he loves (he is on his 2nd snake as he has worn the original out).I think he uses it as a kind of 'prop' - he plays with it (by flicking and banging it on the floor repeatedly) when he's not doing other things (drawing,writing,reading etc),sometimes when watching tv,other times just doing that... we've got used to it after so long so it doesn't seem strange to us,though if anyone were to observe this they'd probably think he was quite disturbed behaviour ! When I say he uses it as a prop,I think that it helps him focus on his thoughts and daydreams - he is obviously busily thinking of stuff while he is bashing away (he has a huge imagination and is very creative) - I used to do a similar thing as a child when thinking up stories in my head and would happily walk around the garden pushing a broom or bouncing a ball - it gave me something to do with my hands I suppose when I was conjuring up things in my head ... My dilemma now is whether I should be curbing this behaviour a bit - to wean him off it,or let him just get on with it. When it gets on my nerves I tell him and ask him to stop,which he does,or else he goes off to do it elsewhere.
Any ideas out there ?

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binker · 11/10/2006 15:21

I forgot to add that he is a bright and happy boy,loves school,is an only child and therefore quite self contained and never gets bored in his own company !

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sleepysooz · 11/10/2006 15:45

Does he do after school activities, or other activities with other children, he might be happy with his own company, but I would have thought it good for him to interact and use his social skills to broaden his confidence in the company of other people!

Is he shy at all?

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binker · 11/10/2006 18:43

He does go to two after school clubs (art and dance) - I would say he's a little shy, but once he feels comfortable in a situation is quite confident.

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pointyfangedWeredog · 11/10/2006 19:00

He's inherited it from you then!

I think it sounds just like you say - a concentrating, comforting thing.

One of my kids absent-mindedly sucks her thumb and the other absent-mindedly chews things, usually paper or bits of her sister's polly pocket plastic bits.

I wouldn't worry. If his mates start mentioning it, that's when he might do it more privately.

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binker · 11/10/2006 19:15

he only does it at home ! it is a comfort thing too I think, so wouldn't want to stop him really, but felt that maybe it needs to be done less

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pointyfangedWeredog · 11/10/2006 20:26

When the oo-er snake comments start, he'll keep it out of sight!

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binker · 12/10/2006 12:09

ha ! you're right there!

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busybusymum · 12/10/2006 12:13

I have a DS the same age.
I would say dont worry its not like a comforter that he drags around with him! its just his special thing.

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Troutpout · 12/10/2006 20:26

my ds sort of paces when he's thinking
...untill i yell at him to stop pacing (he doesn't realise he's doing it half of the time)

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Troutpout · 12/10/2006 20:27

he's 9 too btw

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wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 12/10/2006 21:03

His home is his safe place . Peer presure will sort this out . Hes only 9 bless . Let him enjoy and get comfort while he still can .

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curlew · 12/10/2006 21:10

I've just been to check on my two and as usualDS(5) has Loshie (a blue silk scarf)on his head, Bronte (the dinosaur) tucked under his chin and Beckham-Fella (don't ask) the horse's mane in his mouth. DS (10) has Belle the monkey clutched in her right hand (has to be the right) and Plenty the bear squashed under her arm. Waving a snake round would fit in quite easily in this household! I wouldn't worry about it - he'll grow out of it.

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binker · 13/10/2006 17:26

aww,thanks everyone - it makes me feel a whole lot better - I can't think of a good reason to stop him doing it,apart from thinking that maybe he should have grown out of it - but he likes it and I think he'd probably gradually wean himself off it as he gets older. He still loves his cuddly toys and goes to bed with the snake (called Yellowy - the old worn out snake was Greeny Blacky) and 2 stuffed cats and 2 dogs.v
I also confess to having a dummy until I was six and in hospital for an operation when I was so embarrassed by it that I hid it away and didn't use it ever again !