Anger in boys and lack of positivity

[DotingDad01]

Hello, I love my sons. The eldest, 13, is becoming angry and suffers from anxiety. He does not want to take part, is very shy, suffers from tics and gets very angry. It's easy to believe that this is normal teenage behavior but I am quite concerned as historically, he's never quite fitted in. I do my best at being positive around him but I feel awful as am quite clearly doing a bad job. I think he can do with attending a positive thinking course, (perhaps we both can!) Does anyone know of such a thing? Thank you.

[ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks]

Do you think there could be a possiblity of an undiagnosed issue such as Aspergers or ASD?

In your position given the history of never fitting in, the tics and anxiety I would first attend the GP alone...and tell the doctor that you feel he needs investigating. Has his school ever said anything?

[Goldmandra]

I agree with Claw. You need to consider AS/ASD. He may fit the profile that girls with AS more commonly fit, i.e. masking his symptoms when outside the home (especially in school), passions that are socially acceptable, working hard to fit in and slip under the radar, etc.

[wurly71]

Please don't think you're doing a bad job. It's really hard to know what's 'normal' behaviour and what could be a sign of an underlying problem isn't it? I would seek some professional advice. Your GP might be able to refer you to counselling / Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (which can be useful for positive thinking) and may also advise on other courses of action / diagnosis. I can see though, that getting a 13-year-old boy to open up might be tricky but a professional should be able to help.

[DotingDad01]

Thanks so much for the replies above. It seems that I do need to address this and visit the GP. The Cognitive Behavioural Therapy seems like a great idea but I hope that the GP can help by discussing Aspergers and ASD both of which I'd like to exclude of course but if it gets him help then that is exactly what I need. Thanks.

[Goldmandra]

I hope that the GP can help by discussing Aspergers and ASD both of which I'd like to exclude of course

Totally understandable but make sure that the GP doesn't decide to exclude them for the wrong reasons. If you, as his parent, have read a bit around AS and High Functioning Autism and have a gut feeling that it could describe him, he needs a full neurodevelopmental assessment before it is ruled out.

AS in particular can present very subtly and an awful lot of young people with diagnoses were originally turned away by their GPs because they don't have sufficient knowledge about masking and how these young people can learn intellectually what others know instinctively.

If you would like some more information, Googling Tony Attwood is a good place to start.

[ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks]

My Dd is a "bit spectrumy" OP. SHe has many traits but no diagnoses....like me.

I think that because we're so aware of ASD now, it's not as "hole in the wall" as it once was. It's nothing to be ashamed of at all. For now, make sure DS feels that you understand him...that he has plenty of time to himself if that's what he wants.

[MyFabulousBoys]

I have much experience of this. Agree look at ADHD ASD and also Tourette's. Being quick to anger and be anxious are common in Tourette's as they are in ADHD.

Can you tell us more about the history of tics?

I am sure you are doing a great job. You are concerned, proactive and want to help your son. Sounds good to me!