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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

y7 DD...

19 replies

lupo5 · 21/10/2014 09:25

Don't even know how to start this post,I am just utterly devastated and sad...My older DD is incredible intelligent child,highly academic,very determined,lovely to people she likes (gives too much) BUT equally she can be very cold at the times and immature. Also she is very sporty,not into make-up and pink...
This year she started Y7 and for now she is in top sets of all subjects,she is really trying hard,she is not show off child either. It's just the way she is.
She is travelling by bus to school with 4 other girls from her primary school . One of them used to be her very close friend not any more. I did for that girl so much,from picking her up from school when her mum was abroad to giving her lunch money cause she doesn't have. Even my DD land her more than £6 which she never saw again. Anyway,they keep grouping against her in the sense of (this morning)-we have secret it's only us...or ignoring her.I am not protecting her but it's really not her fault. It's making me so upset and sad.
Two of them are main leaders, so one day is my DD another day someone else.They are very jealous kids and I really don't know what to say to my DD .There are so many things I could write but it would be too long.I don't want it to start affecting her learning which it will,I know.Also i she doesn't join them for lunch time they ignore her and if she joins them they are very mean...
I have seen it with my own eyes and I don't understand why??
They are not very high achievers,they love make-up and they love their Nicky Minaj which my DD is not into (not yet)...
Not sure what to do..She went to school very very sad ...On the bus stp I saw how they were rude and I saw sadness in my DD eyes.
Not sure what to say to her or advice.Please advice me,please I am becoming desperate .If you have any questions please ask because I know I missed a lot...
Thank you..

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ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 21/10/2014 10:46

You need to go into school and sort this out with the tutor. Call today..make an appointment.

Poor DD :( it is VERY common at this age sadly. As the other girls are trying to establish their personalities, many go into bullying behaviour like this.

The school can and should stamp this out now.

In the meantime I reccomend that you read this book here it's VERY good. Your DD could read it also and you can discuss it together.

Angelto5 · 21/10/2014 11:03

Are there any other children on the bus with your dd she could sit with?

lupo5 · 21/10/2014 11:19

Thank you so much for your replies.She doesn't want me to go to form tutor,she said it will be even worse and unfortunately,she doesn't know/have anyone else who is travelling to school from our area.
She did meet new friends who are sharing similar interest (love of sport/science) but they live on another side.
It's just sad. I am almost 35 her weeks pregnant and I am worried when I go to hospital how it will be for her as I wont be as available as I am now.
The thing is,I know their mothers but also I don't want to talk to non of them.
I wish I could be with her to and from school but it's impossible,she has to find her own way just not sure how to help her so she doesn't feel even worse than now.Also,she didn't even tell me all this until this weekend.I felt something is wrong but not like this.
For example,she was chosen to represent school (y7) along side another 20 kids to go for a cross country .Non of this girls were not. There were more than 500 kids from different schools. She is not runner (tennis and football) but she came 20th and she said to me after the race that he wont say anything because two of the mentioned girls already said in the bus that kids are going are losers including my DD..
Not sure what to say to her,I am not thinking with my clear mind at all....very very very

OP posts:

Angelto5 · 21/10/2014 11:26

My initial suggestion would be for your dd to listen to music or read a book on the bus & just not engage with them.
Even better if she could get one of her new friends to meet her off the bus.
Hopefully eventually the nasty girls will leave her alone.

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 21/10/2014 11:28

She needs to learn to play their game and to stand up for herself OR she needs to cut them out of her life completely.

If she's not capable or desirous of being "Like them" which is not a good thing, she should ditch them and try to make new friends.

As you say, the new friends she has made don't live nearby....could she maybe get an earlier bus?

tuesday0813 · 21/10/2014 11:30

Could she go slightly earlier/later and avoid these nasty girls altogether?

mummytime · 21/10/2014 11:33

I would ignore what your DD said and tell the school. Then they can look out for her in school.

If it is a good school they will clamp down on bullying very quickly and in my experience this prevents most further problems.

MmeMorrible · 21/10/2014 11:33

Sounds like the friendship group is growing apart and the girls are developing different interests. I think you should encourage your DD to concentrate on developing closer friendships within her classes and extra curricular groups rather than focusing on the girls she has moved up with from primary.

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 21/10/2014 11:35

Mummytime is right. Don't tell DD....but speak to the school, these things can escalate and you don't want that.

lupo5 · 21/10/2014 11:51

Thank you .I am actually sitting and crying the whole morning.She is not perfect.As I said she can be immature at the times,VERY NAIVE and stubborn but she would NEVER insult anyone (for now)or gossip about someone (my other younger DD never stops....).
She is very direct and simple but it's hurting me because she is hurting.
Not even sure what to say to her school? Whom to talk toI am still processing all this and actually my DH said what Angelto5 said-to do her thing (she loves reading) and if they don't stop than school....

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lupo5 · 21/10/2014 11:57

I have never gone through something like this. Later on when I got my first job,yes-but at that age I could stand for my self and it took some time but problem was resolved.
I was thinking-maybe it's my fault that every day (since both of y dd's were small) I always thought them to be kind and respectful towards other children/people.Even now when they are going to school I tell them to treat people how they ant to be treated.
Maybe I should have thought them to be nasty ????Now I would not be crying and hurting.... now it's not solution I am just desperate for her to be happy .I know secondary school is not easy ....

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lupo5 · 21/10/2014 11:58

Sorry for typo---just so stressed

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Angelto5 · 21/10/2014 12:05

Also meant to mention that your dd shouldn't ignore them completely but be civil if they speak to her but just don't engage & if they do try being nasty trying not to react.
It is difficult when they go into yr7 & high school-everyone trying to find their place.
Usually your dd form tutor is the best person to speak to. You could always just give them a heads up & check how your dd is when she's arrived at school & if there are any problems in the school day.

lupo5 · 21/10/2014 12:12

Thank you so much...Can't wait to see her after school.She comes home by 4pm.
She has another 3 days of school and than they have 1 week break.If it doesn't stop I will speak to school and I will give her mp3 player to take with her.
And today is my 34th birthday and I am spending it in tears...really really sad....Thank you all for support.

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ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 21/10/2014 12:23

Happy Birthday seems wrong but you must try to be strong now for your DD. When she gets in have cake...have a nice tea with her. This will pass...it will. You will look back and remember it but it won't be forever.x

tuesday0813 · 21/10/2014 13:08

You are absolutely bringing up your DD's with good values. Be strong. You will find a way through this bump in the road in your DD's journey through life.

lupo5 · 21/10/2014 13:13

Thank you ......It's just hard,very hard to see your child go through something like this.
I hope it doesn't get worse..

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Angelto5 · 21/10/2014 16:31

How was your dd when she got home from school op?

Btw happy birthday

lupo5 · 21/10/2014 21:27

Hi..Sorry for a late reply.I had such busy afternoon.
My DD came from school ok-ish. She was upset about their remarks but she left them at the lunch time -they were rehearsing for concert(didn't invite her) and spend lunch time with new friends.
On te way home no one didn't say anything bad...Today they announced that her and another 10 kids from Y7 (180 kids) entered in the prize bag with the most merits ..so that was another issue I think but she dealt with that in the right way.When she was asked how come she has so many merits (by two girls) ,she told them she doesn't want to talk about it..
I am very happy but very tired....It was not as bad as I thought it will be.Another 3 days until the half term....
Thank you all so much for kindness and advices also on greetings.

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