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Behaviour/development

Teenage Anxiety

4 replies

Shazzy74 · 01/10/2014 21:19

My 13yr old daughter has anxiety and panic issues, is refusing to go to school and hardly goes out at all. Been to docs and she's being seen by CAMS, dont know how best to deal with her at home, whether to punish for things or not, whether to go easy or not. Or generally how to deal with her best.

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 02/10/2014 14:05

Bumping for you.

Counselling should help her identify any triggers and articulate what she is thinking.

Is school helping by providing work for DD to catch up on? Maybe they will work with you to organise a reduced timetable. I hope the CAMHS counselling will help her.

Perhaps you have already been recommended this website, //www.youngminds.org.uk/

It's a tough time for you too.

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LastingLight · 02/10/2014 14:35

If she has anxiety and panic issues I don't see how punishment will help. If it was my dd I would ask the school for work she can do and encourage her to do it if I felt she is up to it. She should not be rewarded for not going to school by being allowed to lie around in front of the tv or with a phone etc. the whole day. I would take her for a short walk every day so that she can get some fresh air and exercise. Have you spoken to her counselor at all about how your should handle her at home?

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Miiaaoow · 02/10/2014 14:51

Hi. I had severe anxiety issues as a teenager. I was completely agoraphobic for many years. It's something I am still dealing with now, at 24.

The worst thing you could possibly do is punish or get angry at her. It's not her fault. It'll just make her feel guilty and create more distress and anxiety.

Encouragement and support is key. Try and make sure she goes out everyday, even if it's just for a drive around the neighbourhood or to the local shop. Don't pressure her. Just encourage.

I found that going out at night was easier as there were less people around/less cars on the road. Also making outings spontaneous = less time to spend sitting at home worrying.

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Goldmandra · 02/10/2014 16:40

My DD1 started refusing school aged 12 because she was terrified there. We tried punishing her for refusing. It was the worst thing we ever did. Please don't make the same mistake. I will never forgive myself for the damage I did to her in those early days.

She was diagnosed a few months later with Asperger's Syndrome. With the right treatment and support, she eventually returned to school and is now doing brilliantly in sixth form and working on her personal statement for uni.

I realised one day that, if someone stood me at the edge of a precipice in abseiling gear, it wouldn't matter how much someone offered me as an incentive or threatened to fine me for not going over the edge, there would be no way I could do it. All the pressure would do was make me feel more of a failure.

I stopped pushing my DD to the edge of the precipice and allowed her to choose her own route down. It took a lot longer and lots of people stood by shaking their heads in disapproval but she got there and is now ready to do the next journey alongside her peers so I know we got it right in the end.

Work with your DD. Let her know that you are there to support her. Allow her to take the lead and don't push her to do things that she doesn't feel able to cope with. Pushing her may be counter productive because it makes her feel more anxious and less able to push herself.

Sit down with her and make a plan together. Allow her to be in control and make every step small enough to be manageable and achievable. If she achieves something today, don't make her feel that she has to do that thing again tomorrow, otherwise she will be scared of trapping herself by making progress.

Also, you know her best. All strategies do not work for all children. Work with the professionals to find the ones that feel right and don't be afraid to say if you think something will make matters worse. You will probably be right.

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