Daughter loves my mum more than me :(

(9 Posts)
Pinkbabe1 Wed 04-Jun-14 14:23:29

Hi - new to this site so not sure if this is the correct forum for my question. I had to go back to work when my daughter was 2 weeks old. I suffered hyperemisis throughout my pregnancy, was hospitalised twice so had to take my maternity a lot earlier than expected and basically my maternity ran out and we couldn't afford for me to stay at home. My mum has cared for my daughter 3 days a week since she was 2 weeks old and my daughter is now 11 months. My problem is that my daughter always cries after my mum when she leaves her but NEVER cries after me. At first I didn't think too much of it but now it is really starting to upset me and I find myself feeling like my daughter doesn't love me as much as she loves my mum my mum dropped her off yesterday and she was crying and reaching for my mum whilst she was in my arms - it hurts so much my heart aches. I would love to stay at home and be with her full time but we physically can't afford it. I love her so much and I just want her to love me like I do her what can I do?

MrsWinnibago Wed 04-Jun-14 14:51:07

She doesn't cry after you because she has the knowledge that you are her Mum and you are permanent. They KNOW who is who and who is their "main" person.

She cries after your Mum because she's great, fun, lovely Granny....mine both do the same and I haven't ever worked until they went to school!

MrsChickPea Wed 04-Jun-14 14:51:49

Oh bless you. I didn't know maternity leave worked like that? I didn't think you needed to take it in advance if you were ill? Your baby will be fine - if she can't be with you at least she is with your mum. Do you have her the rest of the week or are you working full time?

minipie Wed 04-Jun-14 14:55:53

My DD behaves in a similar way. She will light up when she sees her granny whereas I get a sort of "oh hi, it's you again" reaction when I come home.

I don't think this means my DD loves my mum more than me though. I think it means my mum has more "novelty value" because DD sees her less. I am just part of the furniture and taken for granted iyswim grin I expect it's the same for you.

minipie Wed 04-Jun-14 14:56:45

mrschickpea yes if you have preg related illness absence after 26 weeks pregnant, your employer can require you to start your mat leave early rather than having it as sick leave. It sucks sad

MrsChickPea Wed 04-Jun-14 17:01:15

minipie... that truly sucks. That's terrible - I hope all employers aren't like that. Pinkbabe1... can I just say my DS is like this with DH. I do all the stuff with DS, but them DH gets home from work and after loads of stropping with me re homework etc.... suddenly DH gets all the love and fun!

Pinkbabe1 Wed 04-Jun-14 19:43:40

Thanks for all your lovely comments - I spoke with my mum today about it and feel a little better but it still hurts like hell sad I hope that when she gets a little older she will show me more affection <3

Spinaroo Wed 04-Jun-14 20:03:37

Honestly, this is normal!! So cruel and difficult for the mother but it will pass! I have three who have done it with grandparents- mainly the girls I have to say- and have watched my nieces do it too/my sisters in law having to endure it. Sometimes they just don't like the upheaval of going home to dinner/bath etc. yep, we get all the tired and hungry bits of the day.
If its any consolation- and if it is it'll only be tiny grin- it upsets granny too. She doesn't like to see you or her grandchild upset.
I also agree its because she knows you are her constant- she already knows you're always coming back for her- she knows that granny isn't every day. It will pass- honestly! So hard for you just now but you'll laugh about it in years to come as the three of you spend time together

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Wed 04-Jun-14 20:15:34

I think this is normal too.

Someone clever wrote on here once that the fun person (DH/granny/whoever) is like an iPad and as a mother you are like the bed. The iPad can seem much more exciting, but you need your bed all the time, especially if you are tired or sad or ill.

Babies have to form a strong primary attachment before they can form secondary attachments to other carers, so it is a sign that your DD is very secure in her attachment to you. smile

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