Sorry question about 8 year old son and touching himself 😳

[BeauticianNotMagician81]

Hi all. I was after some advice especially from mums of boys. My ds2 8 has recently started touching himself a lot. I constantly catch him playing with himself outside of his underwear. I've just walked into the playroom to tell him to stay quiet as ds3 in bed and he was doing it again. Ashamed to say I shouted a bit. I don't want to see this I know it's maybe part of growing up but I'm not sure how to deal with it. He and his older brother have been caught a few times playing games where they are lying on each other in their pants. Im sure its all 100 per cent innocent. Ds1 is quite babyish when it comes to things like this as he's autistic. I have sat them both down and explained the underwear rule and said this applies to everyone including all family and siblings and that brothers must not touch each other and that the other is to come to me or another adult if this is done by anyone.

I know that ds2 is probably just of an age where he is curious perhaps it's more my problem. I'm concerned about hygiene issues as well as this is also the child that constantly has his hands in his mouth it drives us insane you can always hear him sucking at his fingers or licking his hand.

Please help

[ExBrightonBell]

I haven't got to this age yet with my ds, but I really think that shouting at him about it isn't going to help.

I think it's just a question of every time you see him doing it, remind him calmly that if he wants to do it he needs to do it in private. There's nothing wrong with it, but it's not something to do around other people.

[BeauticianNotMagician81]

I didn't shout as such I think just raised my voice a little. I just said to him it's not something you should keep found especially in front of your mum and that he needs to regularly wash his hands as he always has his hands in his mouth and he will get germs. I think I will get DP to have a word with him.

Thank you for the reply

[BeauticianNotMagician81]

• keep found? = keep doing

[BeauticianNotMagician81]

Bump

[DrawingsAndPuzzles]

BeauticianNotMagician81

DS tends to "hold it" when he needs a wee, I haven't seen him touching any other time. I don't think shouting or raising your voice at him is a good approach. You just need to tell him if he wants to touch it he must go and do it in private as it is not something others want to see and also encourage him to wash his hands before and afterwards.

[OneToThree]

I tell my ds 7 he must wear at least pants when he is downstairs with the rest of the family. If he's got his hands down his pants it's no big deal. I just say don't mess with your willy, it's your private area and you can do what you want with it in your own bedroom.

Would never want my dc to think of their bodies as dirty or shameful.

[mandbaby]

Isn't this normal? I have 2 sons (aged 4.7 and 2.11) and they're always playing with theirs. It bugs the hell out of me, and I always tell them to "put it away". I was always led to believe that nearly all males do this and most will do it all their lives. Thankfully, some have the dignity and self-respect to only do it in private!

[GotAnotherQuestion]

Unfortunately I realise more men do it than I had hoped. Two relationships of mine had a terrible habit, as well as a family member. None of my brothers did, and some exes didn't either, so they don't ALL do it; just some.

My DS has habitually 'humped' various objects or just squirmed face down with his hands in his crotch. As first we thought it was hilarious because his favourite stuffed animal would disappear overnight and we'd find it stuff between his legs when we changed the nappy in the morning.

After a while we got a bit worried about whether it was normal and my HV hadn't heard of it before so couldn't advise. A quick web search revealed that even 2/3 year old girls are at it! So not just boys.

We try not to tell him off so that e doesn't associate that nice feeling with guilt. But we also made boundaries and ask him to 'hump' upstairs if he wants to, because it's a private thing to do. He knows about 'private' being under the pants and sometimes announces (usually in public!) that he's just off upstairs to hump for a while.

I'm hoping he will grow out of it but I think I'm just kidding myself really.

[ArcheryAnnie]

Mine would fiddle with himself at that age, and not even realise that he was doing it - the scout leader raised it as he was doing it in circle time. We kept on reminding him that he can do it as much as he likes when he's somewhere private, by himself - ie his own bed, not the family sofa - but that it isn't ok, and isn't fair to other people, for him to do it where other people can see him.

The constant reminders eventually worked. I imagine he still does it (he's a teen now, so probably even more), but happily none of the rest of us have to view it happening.

[Whereisegg]

As far as I know it's completely normal, we have a 'bedroom only' rule for hands in underwear.

[enderwoman]

Normal for a child to have a fiddle if alone and considering that he was alone until you walked in then I don't see the problem.

I'd only say something if the child was in the room with someone else or should be doing something else more important like eating or drinking.