Tantrums

[loopylou0612]

My dd is in the process of chucking another huge tantrum! We were alying on the sofa, all cuddled up and having a nice conversation. DD was telling me that she is going to do painting and play with her friends when she goes to nursery next week, and then she rolled off the sofa, and started kicking, screaming and wailing on the living room floor.

It seemed to me that the tantrum was simply over nothing! I hate these tantrums, when you can't see a reason for them and they are getting more and more frequent. It's really getting me down, to the point where I'm beginning to wonder why I even bothered having her. She was unplanned, dh and I had only been together 3 months before I fell pregnant and we are both really struggling with the behavioural issues.

I know it's a stage. I've worked in toddler rooms where you can have 2 or 3 toddlers all having a tantrum at the same time, but it really is so much harder when it is happening to your own child.

Watching Supernanny last night, DH and I discussed the 'naughty step' idea. I don't agree with them or with labelling a child as naughty, but I do agree that time out could be an effective way of dealing with some of her behaviour. We have discussed this yesterday and have decided to try and introduce time out, by taking her away from the TV and her toys. We're thinking that the hallway will be a good place for this to take place because there really is nothing out there for her to do.

The tantrum has been going on for nealry 2 hours now and I'm slowly losing my patience. I have ignored it for this long, simply typing away on the computer or staring at the TV. I'm trying hard not to even look at her, because then she will know that she is getting a reaction from me, and this is the last thing I want!

I currently have a kidney infection, so my back is killing me and whereas I would normally stick her in her bedroom to scream the place down, I can't physically lift her today, let alone deal with the kicking and punching as I attempt to, so I'm stuck here watching and listening to her.

At the moment she is screaming and throwing all the clean washing around the floor, emptying my cupboards and generally being a bitch. She has emptied a whole tube of sun cream all over the floor and is now scribbling in it, whilst smearing itover her face. If I could pinpoint a reason as to why this particular tantrum started, then I think I would be able to manage it a bit better. My hand is itching to slap her, but I don't believe in smacking children either.

She is now screaming at me that she is sorry and that she will be a good girl, but I'm following Supernanny's thing of I am in control and I will determine when she can say sorry before we get over it. Then she'll scream at me that she has finished her screaming and honestly believes everything will be ok. I know she is only 2.6 but I'm beginning to lose the will to live with it all.

Sorry, this has been a really long rant, but I now feel comfortable to be able to vent my feelings like this to you all!

[loopylou0612]

Shameless bump for my own post!

[1Baby1Bump]

sounds awful but if its been going on that long and you havent snapped i think u are doing really well.

im sure someone who can help will be along soon.
and bump!!

x

[belgo]

Also have a 2.6 year old who throws mega tantrums - but somehow it does get better. maybe you can try and break the mood somehow, distraction may help. If she is saying she's sorry them I would stop ignoring her and try and get her interested in something else.

[belgo]

Hopefully someone will come along with better advice. I found that a HV helped me understand my dd's behaviour, and once I could understand her, I could deal with her a lot better. Tantrums are a test for most parents, you're not alone.

[SydSnow]

Hi there,
Sounds like fun!
I don't the naughty step concept requires you to label the child as naughty, rather label the behaviour as naughty (or "unaseptabuw" as Jo would say!)
If the tantrums are really over nothing at all, then you may as well move them somewhere they will bother you less - they're her problem not yours, and often a bit of an audience just adds momentum.
Never easy though - good luck!

[Elibean]

Not very experienced with tantrums, but just wanted to say I think you're doing really well to stay calm - good for you, especially when you're ill yourself.

FWIW, the few times I've used time out, I've talked about a calming-down spot rather than a naughty spot - if you like the concept but not the language, that might feel a bit better to you? With my own dd, who is 2.8, the times she's been tantrum-y have been mostly when she's overwhelmed with feelings and clearly doesn't know what to do with them - so a time-out has felt like a positive way to help her, rather than a punishment.

I did wonder if the trigger for this particular tantrum might have been something to do with talking about starting nursery next week....but regardless of the trigger, I would certainly want to address the behaviour as well as step back and look for/address the cause.

Also, maybe worth mentioning in case it helps, 2/3 yr olds apparently have hormonal surges - similar to adolescent ones - which can make for some utterly incomprehensible behaviour. I'm all in favour of figuring out the whys with regard to behaviour, but it helps me sometimes to know there are also factors beyond everyones' control where all you can do is manage the feelings and wait for the phase to pass. When dd is moody for no reason I can fathom, I think of her as having very bad pms, which makes me feel less responsible and more tolerant - to a point!

I hope you feel better soon, you must be exhausted...kidney infections are nasty things.

[Sunnysideup]

I agree with Elibean's post, time out to calm down was such a good thing for us.

If she is saying sorry then I really think you need to acknowledge that - I don't think it's going to help her if she is doing something to acknowledge her behaviour yet you still ignore her....yes the parent needs to be in control but I really don't think it's helpful to try to be in control of WHEN she says sorry - more realistic to take charge when she does feel sorry, and use the time to distract her asap in my view.

I would ALWAYS go into another room if there was a protracted tantrum like this; if you can't get her to her room, go out of the room she is in so that her audience is withdrawn.

If she sounds like she is tiring, I would keep trying to distract her like mad - just something to break the mood, something to make her think about something else. I think personally at her age, you don't need to aim to get her to stop the tantrum then apologise. I don;t think kids of two need to apologise for having strong feelings that they can't control. They simply need to end the tantrum and move on to happier things, that's all. If she has hit you or something or broken something then maybe that's a different matter - at two I didn't expect my ds to say sorry but I did make clear what he should and shouldn't do.

I used time out in his room with my ds, as he would simply go on and on, if I was in the room - I didn't have to be giving him ANY attention, me just being in the room gave him a focus - take that away and it ended sooner!