Losing the plot with my 7 year old's behavior

[StirredNotShaken]

He is arrogant, rude, argumentative, obnoxious. Pretty bloody horrible tbh. He has smart arse answers for everything (he thinks they're smart anyway). I am regularly losing my rag with him and I hate it. I don't want to shout but I am afraid I am….daily. It is obvious not my first line of I obviously correct him, tell him off, shout, withdraw something he wants. He is awful atm and I am not enjoying being with him at all :-(

[StirredNotShaken]

Sorry, post a bit garbled as he has been yelling down the stairs even though it is 945pm!!!!!!!! FFS - and breathe….

[StirredNotShaken]

He is also obsessed with XBox Minecraft and shows little or no interest in doing ANYTHING else! We have been out on day trips as it is Easter hols but he would far rather be home on the Xbox until he gets there then he has fun. I offered to take him to the Farm to see the new lambs and pet some of the animals and his response was :Eurgh! What would I want to go to a farm for?" I find it all so depressing

[StirredNotShaken]

I adore him, he is such a clever, funny, bright little thing but this phase, or whatever it is is so draining.

[HolidayCriminal]

and breathe... has he settled now?

[Fairyloo]

Oh god me too!

Could have posted exactly this.

Mine is also selfish and only happen when getting his own way

Keep remaining calm, ignore what you can and tell yourself it will pass

[StirredNotShaken]

yes - he does apologise when I get cross but he keeps doing it! It is so horrible - he really is so disrespectful and rude - embarrassingly so. Rude to his Nan (my Mum). Then he says he was not rude because he says please and thank you! When he is out he is gorgeous, easy going and a typical 7 year old boy. I am a lone parent as I was widowed four years ago so I want to get this right with him. I don;t want other people not to like him!

[StampedLetter]

Are you me??

We also get shouted NO at for the smallest request. Laughing when he is told off. Winding up his siblings. Not picking up after himself deliberately. Throwing things when angry....the list goes on.

Doing my head in!

[HolidayCriminal]

Emotionally detach & keep holding the boundaries firm. Easier said than done, I know.

Does he have friends now?

[StirredNotShaken]

stampedLetter he has school friends but we don't see much of them out of school as they have siblings so tend to do family stuff together. My daughter is 16 so not much company for him so it is like having an only child. ACtually, you have made me feel a bit better StampedLetter. my son sounds marginally less troublesome!

[StirredNotShaken]

Today, his Nan came round with the Eater eggs as we were going for a lunch. She comes in, he barely moves off the sofa. I tell him to say Hello to Nanny which he does without looking round. She tells him she has some Easter Eggs for him and his sister. He says OK. She asks if he would like to come and see them/get them. "no thanks." He has surely learned that we show appreciation????!?!?! Take time to acknowledge other human beings?!??! Also, when I asked him something earlier, he just hissed at me…I mean really hissed at me like i was the biggest fucking idiot on the planet. This is not right!

[Jaffacakesareyummy]

Good buy minecraft! I would see if taking away luxuries helps?!

[StirredNotShaken]

i have taken away iPad - he hated that!

[Catmint]

My dd is going through a phase of this kind of stuff.

[StampedLetter]

Glad I could help! Ds is also banned from minecraft tomorrow due to his behaviour earlier!

But to balance it out, he is the first to step in when the troop are told to tidy up the house. He helps his little sibling all the time with various things. He gives some of the best cuddles. He is caring and kind. He is funny and sweet and has a lovely smile that just melts me. :)

[Topseyt]

I think loss of privileges is looming here. Take the xbox away as well as the iPad. Tell him he can only have either back if he learns to show some respect. Mean it. He gets use of them only when his behaviour improves.

[StirredNotShaken]

catmint It is horrid isn;t it? My dd went through it at 7 but she was never as arrogant and blatantly rude! It is almost like I have never taught him manners, common courtesy or how to enjoy life. Surely he should be embracing childhood, trips to zoos, farms. seaside, days out with family, meals out….they should all be a treat - and they are - but not to him - he couldn't; give a shit - so demoralising.

[StirredNotShaken]

Topseyt - he has lost use of laptop and iPad, next step is Xbox - I have to let him redeem himself tomorrow but he knows what is coming next so hopefully that should be a lesson learned

[yousuf1]

Your son sounds like my 8yr old daughter. It feels like the teenage yrs have started early and god knows how shes gonna be like when they come I don't remember being like this at that age.
My daughter is also addicted to her tablet I'm gonna start being stricter on following through I think that's the key and also trying not to get pulled into an argument because once your in it just escalates and then it goes crazy,
Good luck with your son and if you do succeed plz let us know how.

[PhoebeMcPeePee]

My (just) 8 year old DS was being truly awful towards the end of term & I threatened to ban ALL screens for a week if it carried on which predictably it did & I had to follow through my threat. Day 1 & 2 of zero tv/games/computer he was still being awful & moaned constantly about being bored but gradually redound games, lego, Meccano, puzzles etc & honestly by the end of the week he was a different child .

We've just had a really lovely 2 weeks off doing loads more as a family (playing board games, footie in the park/garden, joining in lego etc) & he's even ok with my new rules about tv/gaming which include 3 days a week total abstinence & much stricter daily time limits on the other days. It's harder work as you will need to get more involved playing/doing stuff occasionally but 100% worth it getting non-stroppy teenage-esq son back.

[TheWorldAccordingToJC]

he has a laptop, ipad and x box. not one of those but all.

there is your problem

[morethanpotatoprints]

It is too many screens and games, but I'm sure in the golden olden days it was books and reading.
Allowing them too much time immersed in anything will make them behave like this.
I have had 3 who have had to have them removed, one of them was absolutely terrible, just as described. It needs to be nipped in the bud, quickly before they get any older because it will only get worse. The other 2 in fairness was for other types of wrong doing, not just too much screen time. They were also good at self regulating, not like dc2

[StirredNotShaken]

TheWorldAccording, no he doesn't have all three, he has the X box but he has access to all three as and when I choose to let him use them. We go out daily and do something together, we also have a dog who needs walking so we go out then too. He is not holed up indoors staring at screens all day but if he had a choice he would be! I am sure his attitude is related to this though.
PhoebeMcPeePee and morethanpotatoprints* - so difficult to take it away, as you said as that does mean putting more energy into his playtimes. I used to do loads of stuff with my daughter (mind you - my husband was alive them so i wasn;t doing it all alone) and I feel she had a far better and more interesting childhood.

[thehiddenpaw]

My son is 9 and I have had similar problems. Now been to school and gp for advice and referred for counselling. It is a rough ride and i have said enough. His shouting and ranting is very upsetting but i am learning to not shout myself though I have cried more! 10 ways to a less defiant child helps -look on amazon. It is slow progress but gone from 6 blubbering tantrums and family shout outs a week to more like 1 big scale meltdown a week,he is still rude and
Unreasonable. But have to remind ourselves it is not as bad