Problems leaving 5 month old baby with partner

[newmum1808]

Hello, this is my first ever post! Not sure if I've got the lingo right... Wanted to ask some advice and can't seem to find another post that has the info in it, so here goes...
My 5 month old baby boy often doesn't like being left with anyone else, including my partner (his daddy). He is a generally chilled out baby and takes lots of things in his stride. We recently tried leaving him for a few hours with my mum and (on a separate occasion) my partner. This was in the morning when he's generally at his happiest and it worked well. However, the main issue is that I regularly go out to a class one evening a week, leaving the house at 7pm, just before he normally gets his bath (the baby, not my partner ) and my partner says he starts screaming almost as soon as I'm out the door and doesn't stop for the next couple of hours when he tires himself out and eventually falls asleep.
Do others think it's a bad idea to be doing this at this stage? I would gladly hear any other people's stories of how their baby gets on with their partner and any suggestions on how to improve things between them...

Thanks!

[Cornedbeefpie]

Hi newmum, what happens when you are at home and DP does bedtime routine with your son?

[newmum1808]

Our routine is basically bathtime between 7 and 8pm, which is sometimes me, and sometimes my partner that does it, then bring him back into the living room and give him his bottle while we're watching something on the laptop. He often falls asleep while having this feed, and then we will hold onto him for a bit then transfer him to his cot. If he doesn't fall asleep whilst feeding, I will usually sit on our exercise ball and bounce with him while we sing to him and my partner plays music until he falls asleep in my arms. Sometimes, my partner holds him and bounces and I play music but its usually the other way round.

Sometimes if my partner baths him he gets upset and wants a cuddle from me. on these occasions he'll only take the bottle from me. I always assume that this happens when he's most tired and just wants the safety and security of mum.

When I'm on my own and my partner isn't there, he always falls asleep in my arms while feeding/watching tv.

[Chocolatestain]

I think they do tend to get more clingy and 'mummy centred' in the evening when they're tired. DS is 15 months. He loves going to nursery two mornings a week and is fine spending a whole day with DH one Sunday a month while I work, but the other evening I popped out to put the bins out just before bath time (I usually do the bath and bed routine) and he went into total meltdown at being left with DH. Don't have any solutions to offer - I think they just struggle a bit towards the end of the day and need the familiarity of mum. As he gets older you find it easier to get him to go down earlier which would enable you to go out in the evening. DS is in bed between 6.30 and 6.45 and is out like a light.

[murphy36]

Not had this issue, but couple of ideas:

I would cut out the living room bit, sounds like a bit too much stimulation before bed. Try feeding in dark bedroom.

Leave your partner too it, him and your baby need to cope without you. If after half an hour of screaming your partner hasn't got a grip and fed the baby, then go help. After a few days it'll be fine.

[murphy36]

Not had this issue, but couple of ideas:

I would cut out the living room bit, sounds like a bit too much stimulation before bed. Try feeding in dark bedroom.

Leave your partner too it, him and your baby need to cope without you. If after half an hour of screaming your partner hasn't got a grip and fed the baby, then go help. After a few days it'll be fine.

[Artandco]

I think:

No laptop at bedtime. Feed in quiet room

When you say one parent bounces and one plays music do you mean an instrument? I think that sounds too active at bedtime. And also means two people are needed for bedtime which is probably why it's hard when one of you are out.

I would try and get just one parent doing bedtime each night alternating so you both get used to settling him alone.

Maybe milk, then bath, and then a quiet story in bedroom. Then bed. I always did milk before bath/ story as dentist said they should have their gums/ teeth cleaned before bed and it made it easier to do when younger so same routine as more teeth came through

[OneMoreThenNoMore]

I agree with others that perhaps your baby is being overstimulated at bedtime. My dcs always needed quiet time and low lighting to help ease them off to sleep- either in a bedroom or in the living room with minimal distractions.

If you are both usually involved in the bedtime routine, he is obviously going to notice when one of you is not there, so perhaps try to get him used to having one parent at bedtime.

With our dcs, they have the same routine and as long as this routine is loosely stuck to (bath, in pjs, teeth brushed and stories in a quiet room; and when they were younger, a final feed), it doesn't really matter who does it (unless they're overtired or ill, then they just want mummy )

[ZuleikaD]

I agree that bedtime is too stimulating and I would also suggest too late - try bath at 6 and bed at 6.30. If he gets into that routine then you would be able to go out after he's in bed.

[BreakingDad77]

I'd agree with the less stimulation, ours is five months now, though i think he seems chilled compared to our friends.

One thing we have done every weekend is "daddy takeover" (we joke) where I do all the feeds Friday and Saturday and late Sunday. He seems happy being left with me all day or evenings and partner has been able to go off and do things. (Obviously feeds in week evenings too)

(Though the usual caveat not every baby is the same and what works for one doesn't always work for another)

[Ferguson]

I'm amazed you would even consider doing all that action stuff with him before bedtime!

As others have said, quiet and calm before bed for child, and parent.

Latest research suggests children under 3 YEARS should have very little, if any 'screen time'. Real interaction with real people, playing with real toys - dolls, teddies, bricks, board-books, 'comfort blanket', etc.

YOU may be addicted to your laptop, but it's probably best baby doesn't go the same way.

[katemyn]

I have a 6 month old and have a similar problem. My baby is happy and chilled all day until about 5pm when she starts getting tired. We do bath story and bottle at 5.30 and she's generally in bed by6.15 but once 5pm comes she cries unless I'm the one bathing and feeding her. If dad does her bath or tries to feed her she cries until I have to take over. I dont worry too much about it and I'm assuming she'll just grow out of it. I'm just enjoying doing her nighttime routine as it's generally the most chilled time of time of day. Make the most of it cos she's bound to have a phase of just wanting daddy at some point!!

[ZuleikaD]

It's also worth pointing out that a bath doesn't actually settle them, it stimulates them. It alters their body temperature and stimulates the brain and it takes them half an hour to get back to 'normal' afterwards. I've never understood why baby books suggest a bath as part of bedtime routine - even with the older ones they prefer to have a bath before supper so it's a chance for fun and playtime. (Worth its weight in gold in winter when you've run out of indoor activities by 4pm and they're grouchy - sling them in the bath with a load of food colouring or bath paints.)