loosing control of 9 year old

[tappy]

my 9 year old daughter is such a hand ful just now that i feel like im loosin contol of her. any tips on how to get the control back, she has just turned nine few weeks ago the school holidays have been a nightmare

[sparklemagic]

tappy I'm not an expert as don't have a child this age but I'm sure others will be along soon who know more - but I have read a few things on here lately about how difficult school age children can be during the holidays, with their usual routine gone...have patience and keep calm (easier said than done I know).

As regards the 'control' bit maybe you could think of it in another way as if you want 'control' over her you will get increasingly frustrated as she gets older and this inevitably slips away...I don't think I have control over my four year old actually - I think what it is is that I am here to keep him safe, and give him the rules really about having a safe and happy time in all areas of his life; if he chooses to ignore the rules then he gets a consequence,for example if he was to hit me then he would have a few minutes on his own in his room, that sort of thing; my personal view is that as a parent you are there to show the boundaries and can give a consequence if they are stepped over. You can't actually 'control' another human being, they control themselves and they do this by thinking is whatever I am doing worth the consequence?

So I think perhaps you could make extra sure your dd is getting clear boundaries and consequences, talk to her as a friend as much as possible, and you might be on to a different tack? Help her to learn how to control herself rather than you doing it like you would for a baby.

x

[SecondhandRose]

What is or isnt' happening tappy?

[tappy]

thanks sparkle magic for your advice it did make me think abit. hopefully it has got worse over holidays as there has been so much going on and we had lots of visitors . i think i probarly have been letting her away with 2 much over holidays with not enough boundries. need to get boundries back. she is so cheeky i cant believe and it isnt just to me .started back school today so this may help

[flack]

I have similar probs with my 6yo DS, tappy. But if I crack down on him with threats or simply "Mind me!" he will blow up at me, he was never one to be forced to do things (I was same as a child). I think maybe I need to give hiim reasons to do things, rather than say "Do that". It's harder because I can't always put the words together to explain it all. Would be interested to hear more of your details.

[tappy]

to flack it does help when i give her reasons to do things but i think this just makes life difficult.i find i am loosing control and shouting at her which is obviosley makin it worse but i am tryin to stay calm. i have made behaviour charts for both of us and i am going to give these a go think it may help if both of us do them i will start tom and let you know how it goes