Nearly 4 yrs old.... thought he'd be past this by now

[Nic04]

My son is going to be 4 soon and I think he's quite normal in most ways except he will still throw a wobbly sometimes if he doesn't get his own way. Not ALL the time, but he seems to go through stages of doing it a lot and then he'll be good for a while, and then it will start again.

The kind of thing I mean, is that sometimes he has trouble 'taking turns' with other kids and will whine and complain when it's someone else's turn, even though I've explained many times that he has to take turns, share, etc etc. Same story if it is time to stop playing with his toys or if I want him to leave an activity because we have to go home, that kind of thing. I always try to give him a warning (eg. we're going in 5 minutes, you have a couple of minutes left and then it's time to stop playing, etc etc). And sometimes it works, but other times it can range from a lot of whinging and whining, to lying on the floor and kicking his legs. The latter doesn't happen too often thank goodness. It also bugs me that dh sometimes doesn't back me up enough, and he isn't always consistent with handling ds' behaviour... he will tell ds to do something, and if ds doesn't do it, dh will just let it go. Other times dh is good with him but it usually depends on what mood he's in.

What I want to know is - do other kids still react like this at nearly 4?? He goes from being cooperative & good-tempered one week, to being extremely defiant, whiny & naughty the following week. If he doesn't do what I say, or if I see him behaving badly for whatever reason, he either gets a time-out or I remove him from whatever activity he's doing - so I'm trying to be consistent, but it can be a pain in the . I know there have been other threads on bad behaviour, but I would just like to hear whether I'm handling it ok and whether his behaviour sounds normal for his age group. Cannot wait til he grows out of this

[misdee]

yup, my dd is the same. wobblies will happen for a long time. sounds normal to me, and u seem to be handling it well.

[Freckle]

I wouldn't worry. I have a 10yo, 8yo and 5yo who still do this from time to time!

[WideWebWitch]

Hi Nic04, yes, IMO and E this is normal for his age. Be consistent, stick to your guns and see if you can agree with dh that he'll back you up -he's not sending your ds a good message if he let's it go when it's something you think is important. That having been said, it is wise to pick your battles carefully and to catch him being good and reward that too. There was a f*** fours thread recently and it had some useful links in it IIRC, will see if I can find it for you. OK, have done, it's here HTH.

[bunny2]

Sympathies Nic, my ds is 4 in May and can be the most perfect child but he can also throw tantrums almost non-stop on other days. He lies on the floor and kicks his legs screaming, hits me, throws things around, he has one hell of a temper. I try to be consistent but we all have days when our patience is endless and other days when we are less tolerant of bad behaviour.

I have statted giving him fish oils, they acan help with behaviour as well as benefitting the brain. I will let you know when they work!

[zebra]

He only throws a wobbly "sometimes"? Boy, I wish that described my 4yo. We get at least... 3 strops a day, still? AT least twice a week I have to sit on him to make him stop kicking me or other people, or throwing and breaking things.

[lailag]

bit of a releave to read this, last week thursday was worst day from hell, probable not been as bad before. Ended up putting him outside through the frontdoor to prevent me from hitting him

[zebra]

Heehee, Lailag. I chucked DS in the back garden last week, for same reason. Found him on the front doorstep 10 minutes later (having climbed over the 5' tall wall to get there, little monkey).

He was better behaved the rest of the afternoon, though.

Increasingly, it's me who locks myself into the back garden, leaving the 2yo & 4yo to fight it out while I calm down. From mutual screaming I seem to always come back in 5 minutes later to find them happily playing together what the F- happens in my absence I cannot tell.

[aloha]

Zebra, when I used to look after other people's kids - used to do in in my school and uni holidays - I ignored everything I possibly could (hadn't read any books either!) - so I'd let them fight unless I seriously thought they might genuinely injure each other and look terribly busy doing something interesting and involving - ie making a model, reading a book, doing some cooking - 99 times out of 100 they'd stop and sidle up to see what I was doing and want to be involved. I honestly do think this approach works and bad behaviour feeds on attention. I think you should definitely spend more time in the garden now that spring is on its way

[Nic04]

Thank you for your replies & thanks for the link WWW. Bunny2 & zebra, OMG! Can't believe you have to sit on him zebra, lol. Oh well at least it's not just me, but here I was thinking that things would ease up after the 'terrible two's', but their behaviour just really reaches a different stage, doesn't it.

I thought I had a lot of this behaviour sorted about a week ago, ds finally seemed to be listening to me & the tantrums were getting a lot less - then he spent a good part of the weekend with a couple of little friends (who are sisters). They continually fight, hit, push, kick, scream, grab each other's toys, etc etc. And these are girls!!! So ds comes home and starts behaving the same way. UGH!! Now I have to start all over again with him... oh well, I guess it won't be the first time. It's just so damn frustrating. And when I see those angelic, quiet little boys out in public, clinging to their mother's side, I wonder what happened to my ds, who tends to be boisterous, loud and likes to run off into the wild blue yonder. I must have been standing in the wrong line when boys were being handed out No, I do love him really.

[zebra]

I was bullied at school so secretly am relieved if DS can hold his own in a scrap.

[nutcracker]

Don't know how i missed this thread but anyway, I have a dd who is 4yr 3mths and has several tantrums a day, ranging from pretty mild (where i just ignore her), to serious, screeching, door banging, hitting everyone. So you have my sympathy. Afraid i can't really offer any advice as i haven't figured it out myself yet.

[misdee]

o do u get the pursed up lips, the little feet stamping and the door slams. cos those strops just make me giggle.